Grandma Jean's Space

Autumn

2011-10-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

Busy day today. Both Bob and I have annual physician's check ups today. We went through the blood work and machine tests and today the doc will look us over and give us the results. Both of us should be find. Only huge problem is our weight. So, we'll see how it goes.

I've been on a slow moving merry go round search this way and that for stuff I want to do. I am a Harry Potter fan, but I feel guilty when I spend too much time reading or listening to podcasts or researching. I shouldn't since I'm semi-old and retired. No boss to tell me what to do. Bob really doesn't care, as long as he has clean laundry and food, he's a contented man. I wouldn't neglect him.

The weather is gorgeous here in our Valley right now. I love the fall desert climate. It's time to take a drive or two up to the mountains and other nice places to see the leaves changing. Our tree leaves are changing very gradually to yellow just a few at a time. Beautiful.

I realized why I was depressed and crying, it was the pain pills. They were also creating other internal problems so I've tried to cut back on them. I am monitoring my pain levels and activity and using them only when I have too. I need knee replacement on both knees, but I am huge chicken and don't particularly want my knees cut off. Once they're gone, that's it, and nothing is ever perfect. I have too many negative elements going for me that will create problems, I realistic about that, so for now, I'll deal with the inconvenience of pain and walking slower. With the onset of cooler weather, I am going to attempt to walk more often with Bob in the evening and hopefully that may help. We'll see.

I'll be adding and changing photos soon. Hope you are well and life is good and blessed for you. Take good care, and God bless.

Anxiety Attacks

2011-08-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

Do you self-diagnosis when things don't feel right or seem right with you? Or, do you run to your physician at the first sign of a problem? Do you have confidence in your doctor to get the right diagnosis?

At my age, how I am feeling has become first and foremost and I've become almost paranoid about how I feel. When I was young, any pain I had I just brushed it off and keep moving on to finish what job I was doing. My mother-in-law called me the Duracell Bunny cause I do work so fast and do so much.

It is very disconcerting as each year passes and I move slower and seem to feel worse than the last. I'm a borderline positive thinker. I say borderline because if I was a total positive thinker I wouldn't be writing this morning. I know my environment has a lot to do with my attitude and we all know sometimes you can't do everything to change what's going on in your home to change things. I've gotten sermons from friends to do thing and that to change things, but have you looked at the economy lately, that does have a little to do with many big things.

Last year I had a very strange outburst - an outburst that was definitely not me. I don't know where my reaction "came from" I don't know what caused it. The doctor sort of blamed low blood sugar, maybe, but I'm not sure. Recently, I had another outburst her in my home with strangers from another friends family sitting around our kitchen table. I just lost it and verbally and loudly rebounded to a comment from a young woman dating my grandson. I don't understand my reaction. I wasn't sorry either and I'm still not, but I'm confused.

I have also been crying a lot. I am very sensitive, but it's not only seeing the soldiers returning from Afghanistan or babies hurt or those types of things which stimulate most feeling people, I cry about more simple things and at weird times. I just burst out crying, hard and with robust tears.

I can recover and then joke with my husband. It's not a depressive mood I carry all day long. My husband and I joke all the time and I am so glad - it breaks the spell and I want it too.

I am wondering if the Anxiety is due to the pain I am enduring. I am hoping it is that simple. My health is near good - I am overweight and we are attempting to lose weight. We've been on this diet monitoring our intake of food and it's been successful so far. Both my husband and I are doing this together. I could blame the change of eating habits, but this anxiety has been going on for a year now.

I wonder if it's related to age. I am a senior citizen. Could it be the economy? Could it be the fact our youngest son who is 40 years old lives with us with his daughter and has for 5 years now. It isn't a wonderful situation. We had four children, raised a grandson, have a mentally disturbed daughter who is stable enough to live on her own, but have this son living with us. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship. He is my greatest blessing in my life.

I know we all have difficulties on this earth. We are not put here with a guarantee of happiness everyday. We are not promised total great health. Some struggle with worse health problems than I, and I know that. But my life as it is now, is being less and less fulfilling.

I get so stressed out even going to dinner at a hotel as we did last week. I can't stand any abnormal behavior by the people around me, those with me in a group - my family or my friends. Things I can't control, I just come unglued and lose it. This happened when we took visiting people out to dinner at a big hotel buffet. They are from Germany and their young daughter kept getting by the slot machines even after they were told many times to keep her away. A Big Security guard came to me and told me to get her away - - I am old, it was not my daughter. I was struggling to breath, and he approached me. There were others who spoke English, I am not sure why he came to me and it was upsetting. And, I was upset at them. I didn't handle it well. Unfortunately, I don't care at this point how I handled it and these are reactions I am not comfortable with. Another time I would have known better, I would have been more understanding with more patience.

Health related problems, aging, and stress can, I believe, cause behavior problems which lead to reactions not necessarily normal. I am hoping these are valid reasons for my situation these days.

If you have had any difficulties or symptoms like these, please share.

May God bless and keep you safe.

I feel like a stranger in Harry Potter world!

2011-07-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

It's the count down to the U. S. release of Harry Potter Part 2 and I can't wait. I mentioned to Bob this morning that of my friends on FaceBook there are only two or three others who seem to have the same intense interest as I do and as the oldest of the three or four I wonder if I have my priorities straight - but I don't care about that, but what does it mean for a 65 plus a few years old woman to love Harry Potter!!!

When I grab onto something with interest it is a full mind obsession. I will admit there are things about Potter that I haven't quite grasped by I am not bothered by it - I have plenty of time to find the reason, no one's pressing me.

I am totally and completely amazed by J. K. Rowling and her imagination and there's more to come. How creative can that be??? Totally amazingly talented. She is a very humble person. Her reaction when she saw herself on the big screen at the premiere was sort of funny, she didn't want to look at herself, even though she looked great. Her reaction was of humility, not concerned with her looks per se as so many big stars are - she just wanted to be with her actors and her fans.

I have signed up for Pottermore however I feel like a beetle in a pond of water. I will wade in until I get a grip of what is expected. In no way can I compete with the young "wizards" who have grown up in the technology world of computer games. I am a solid computer person - my computers and I have 3 computers - and I are as close as my favorite wooden spoon or my excellent rubber spatula with the metal handles and my Kitchen aid mixer. There is no me without computer, however, I may have a higher than average understanding of my machines, I am not as up on the games as many are - I have not delve into that realm of life - maybe it's a fear of become obsessive.......again....on something new. Just think about it really, this machine can take us anywhere we want to go without leaving our comfort stage for the moment. Unless the web cam is turned on no one knows if I've combed my hair - amazing and I love it!! Don't have to prove anything to anyone - but I can fill my mind until it explodes.

But, back to Pottermore, I am nervous. I have signed up and they accepted my email address. I hope I can remember my password. I do change it and sometimes forget to write it down even if I do it in code, sometimes I forget my code - that's what I lay on being a senior citizen but I know it happens to everyone too. I am hoping once I am IN Pottermore I will be guided through the maze so I can advance appropriately, I don't want to be stuck in one area. But, I am scared, apprehensive, by fingers are shaking thinking of this new Harry Potter world that is suppose to offer the fans new information. I just hope I can get with it and learn.

I did realize recently that I had a crush on Severus Snape - I couldn't believe it. Then when I saw "him" at the Premiere I was totally zapped!!! Alan Rickman is as he is - his voice is awesome. I told my husband he needed to get a black outfit like Severus and change his voice to a low slow pitch. Oh - it's ok, we're married 47 years and he isn't surprised by anything new.

Have a truly wonderful day. Take good care. And, best of all may God bless you with all that you need to get you through this beautiful day!

Happy Fourth of July 2011 everyone!

2011-07-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

We are watching the 4th of July celebrations from Washington, DC which now is the fireworks displays and the music from our wonderful military bands. It was a wonderful presentation most worth of our wonderful country.
There are lots of fireworks going off in our neighborhood from all sides of our home as I type. We were able to see one of the large displays from our back yard. There were lots and lots of unusual displays by professions shot from the roofs of the hotel/casinos in Las Vegas as well.

Hoping you and your family are well. Hope you had a safe and happy 4th of July. God bless America and all Her People.

Reading Club - Agatha Christie

2011-06-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been reading about Book Clubs and this one in particular which involves reading my very favorite arthor, Agatha Christie. I'm going to post the link which I've copied from a blogger who is involved with this club - and I hope it is an active link, if not, I'll have to do some messing around to get the active link. I will be putting some links on the side of my page too - please be patient with me. I'm not feeling well and at this time reading and my computer are my best friend.

This is the address to the Agatha Christie Summer Book Club

Reading club

2011-06-10T19:28:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post today - I just did something new - I joined an online reading club. The books will be by Agatha Christie's. I love her methods and her mysteries, so I am looking forward to posting more about it and the link.

Hope you are well and life is good for you and your family. Talk to you soon.

The Age of Beginning Forgetfulness

2011-05-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

For the second time, that I can remember anyhow, I lost my way while preparing a dish for dinner. The is a very simple dish. Prepared it a ka-zillion times for my children and more for my grandchildren. It isn't important what the dish was as it is the emotion of my moment.

When you have done something so simple, so routinely, without even having to think about it, actions as smooth as silk, then wham! what a minute this isn't right. It hits you like a light going out in a dark room. Like a loud sound in a quiet place. I went about the movements of preparations, but I knew something was wrong. I was almost at the end, but it wasn't right, why did I proceed like this? It's not right but what is wrong? Time passed, I don't know how long, but enough I knew as the dinner was almost ready, I had done something wrong. I was able to recoup the recipe from the recipe file which is stored in my brain - I don't write my favorite recipes down, I just know how to do it - never measuring, just know from looking.

This dish is a simple one, easy to fix, and in the end, it was as it should be. But, I know the forgetting is only the beginning.

The other recipe is my mom and dad's famous chili recipe. I have forgotten it. This was a recipe created by my mom and dad to serve in the restaurant they owned as I was growing up. The recipe is nothing like any you'd find in a recipe book or on line. It was my mom and dad's recipe. I tried making it the other day, but it wasn't right. It was horrible. And, you know you can only serve chili to your family so often. I will keep trying.

And yes, I have started writing my recipes down. I don't type them out, I write them down and I'll tell you why. I have a huge binder, well actually several, with recipes from my girlfriends and from family members including my mom. Some are typed and many are written. You can tell the ones I've used more often than others by the food stains on the cards or the pieces of papers. And, I even have pieces of paper without any title on the ingredients, some have cooking temps and others don't. If you have the knack for cooking and baking you know automatically what temp to use, but not if you are "forgetful." So I want my recipes written so when my family goes through my recipes they will remember my handwriting and this will bring back the memories.

Long time no post...again!

2011-05-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Yikes, this is becoming a like a bad habit this non-posting laziness. I've gotten too taken up with Facebook and black and white movies on Turner Classic Movie channel. I will once more make every attempt to be religious and make some type of comment each day.

There isn't a lot to discuss when you're retired and in a state of limbo economically. Decisions to be make whether to sell or home and downsize or stay where we are for now. Both my side kick and I would love to move back the the country somewhere. We've talked about Texas near Fredericksburg. We enjoyed visiting the area, especially Luckenbach. But at our age relocating wouldn't be as fun as it was when we were younger.

Our family which consists of our children and a couple grandchildren live here. My extended family, father, mother and brother are at another location that I can't go to yet - Heaven. I have aunts and cousins in Ohio but I've been gone too long to reconnect. Although I love Ohio, it is a beautiful state, I do wish we had moved there in our younger marriage years.

Our area here has a water problem which means unless something serious is done or God provides us with a lot of rain, we will be out of water then we will be in huge financial devastation. With that knowledge you'd think we'd be getting the heck out of Dodge, but no, there's too many other reasons. So we stay but continue looking at houses on line and wondering what to do.

My side kick hubby has a bad cold and has been down and out all week, so we've been living in a pretty quiet state this week. I have a number of books staring me down to be read. One is Steven Tyler's biography. I am a very unlikely person to read such a book - you would think that if you met me, but after watching American Idol for the very first time in our lives, I was impressed with his respect of the contestants. I like his gentleness in telling each one the good and the bad, where as the other two judges I thought were mean spirited and had favorites. So, as I've gotten into Steven Tylers book, I realize I'm in for some rough moments especially language. I'm a big girl, actually and old senior citizen and I believe that I do have rights to "learn" or experience what I choose. I'm certainly not going to run out now and live a life of sin, it isn't who I am. I can skim over those rough parts.

Plans changed, grandson Tom just called, his gal Tine is going to nursing school and she wants to come over and take our blood pressure, a class project I suppose.

I'll send this on with best wishes and prayers that you are well and life is good for you and your family. Do take good care. Oh, I will be updating my photos soon.

Good Friday

2011-04-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

It's a day like all the rest except for the knowledge of the traditional worship and respect for what this day signifies. It is necessity of Faith to meditate on Christ and how this day changed the life of all Christians. Without this day, the human race of Religious People would not be the same.

I have not been as true to my faith as I once was - I don't attend Mass like I did. My belief and faith in God is still strong and I pray diligently as I always did - and I believe He is with me. My excuses are real to me and my intentions are honest as I do want to do back to Mass, I know something is missing. But there are changes in my health that prevent me from going.

When I was young I had so much energy, pills were non-existent in my life. But all seemed to fall apart as I got older especially when my son Brian died. I never experienced pain as I do today. I know I need my Church more than ever. I need the community of faith as well but this community is different - difficult to fit in, we've tried and it's very discouraging. Where once going to Church met meeting with neighbors and chatting, coffee, even pot lucks, even breaking bread in our homes together. It's not like that here - so its not like we tried once, so getting out of that rut and attitude is one additional obstacle to going. Excuses.

This morning after watching the morning news I went outside and sat in the sun. It was beautiful out. We have hummingbirds who "live" here and one small male hummer was resting in one of the flower bushes near where I was sitting. He had taken possession of the bush because when a larger male came around the smaller one ran him off, he was chattering and telling the larger hummer off. My husband eventually came out and sat with me. He is hard of hearing and could not hear the hummer chattering or the Mockingbird off in the distance singing her morning song. It is sad when you can't hear the jobs of nature, I feel so bad for him. He taught me so much about nature throughout our marriage. He was a city/country boy - his grandparents had a farm and it was his favorite place to go growing up. He eventually changed made me to a city/country girl too.

But, I'm drifting off the theme of Good Friday. It is the suffering of our Lord Jesus Christ that set us free. He paid for our sins but we still have a commitment to follow His rules. We must love one another honestly, truthfully, and with all our heart and by that we are loving HIM. You might say there's more to that but how can there be - if we truly love we can't break any laws or rules. Loving means respect, and with respect there can be no law breaking. No lying, no cheating, no harassment, no being mean or vulgar. Loving is caring and feeling compassion and doing the Lord's work no matter how simple. We do what we can do. We do what he brings in our life and puts in front of us willingly and accepting.

This is my humble opinion.

Flustered

2011-02-15T17:13:00.000-08:00

I have a bad attitude right now. It's silly to feel like this. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make this wish a reality right now, but life doesn't give us those advantages. Also, this thing isn't that bad to be so upset about but it's the steps one must go through to reach the end result and final answer to complete the solution that is time consuming.

It has to do with the federal government and a benefit - one which a member of our family is eligible. He insists he doesn't need it, but he's only a young man with not a lot of experience of life under his belt - he has no clue, really! We're trying to help and maybe he doesn't what to put us out or maybe be involved. It involved health insurance coverage - the advantage of the new Obama law of children up to age 26 on parents polities.

We were his legal guardians and he is eligible but we have to fill out the right forms even though he had already been on the policy before - new forms, more waiting time........don't like waiting, getting older as a senior citizen has driven out the patience I use to have.

Oh, don't get me wrong in most cases I have tons of patience - I enjoy sitting and watching people in a hurry knowing their haste won't get them there any quicker - or watch speeding care zoom by and realize we'll most likely get the same place they do only a few seconds later - they have the most probably of getting a speeding ticket too.

I waited 45 minutes for a federal person to answer the telephone. He was very nice and helpful however I goofed and failed to take down important information thinking I was going back to an original number for more information - which didn't pan out. I am agitated at myself and at the process. I had more patience and where with all when a was younger, but these day, it affects me to the point of a very bad mood.

It's not the end of the world. My time is not taken up during the day with important tasks. Being retired I do have lots of free time to do this stuff so I should be ashamed of myself for complaining.

My husband just came in and patted me on the shoulder and thanked me for doing this task for him. He dislikes it even worse than I do. It's always nice to be noticed and thanked for a good job even when the job isn't an earth shaking paper pusher event.

I feel better now.

It's already well into the New Year.

2011-02-10T10:47:00.000-08:00

I have been so delinquent writing in my blog. I was over come with fun in Farmtown and Farmville on Facebook. My thinking ability to write was removed and replace by competition with my husband. When I realized that we weren't doing anything but sitting on our rear ends doing those two Facebook games, and on yes, then the Vineyard, I sort of threw a fit. He had no time for me. So, for LOVE we gave those things up. It's not that we get more loving but at least we do talk more often. The more loving part has been acceptable as is because of our age and our conditions.

I was thinking the other night "Getting Old" is a good topic and I've probably talked about it until you are bored to tears. Unfortunately, once you hit a certain age your body does change - or well, even illness will change your bodies capabilities, and aging doubles the anxieties.

I have friends who have very full lives. The travel and are very active in sports. They are vibrant and energetic. They are the same age as I am. Our life styles are different and I've had more children so I wonder if that has had anything to do with it. Hmmm, I wonder. Does having kids wear a mother out thus leaving her vulnerable for extra illnesses? My Aunts who had far more children than I did all suffer from one to many sort of illnesses. But, it's too late for me to change that and you might say why dwell on it. And, you would be perfectly correct.

Of late, however, I have contemplated on when exactly I began feeling so very crappy and every year it is worse. Finally, I decided the best thing to do would be blogging it which is sort of documenting, then I can come back for reference. I'll try to vary my topics so not to become so redundant.

I do need to change my photos too - lots of water under the bridge since I last posted.

I hope you all are well and you and your family are all well. We had the best Christmas ever - very memorial. It was nice. I hope yours was the same.

Take care and God bless.

Just another Saturday

2010-09-25T08:25:00.001-07:00

Good morning! It is a beautiful morning. Cool enough to leave the sliding glass door open. Fall is upon us I thought I heard the weatherman say, but our desert temperatures are going back up into the 100s. The pool water is cold but this week will be the last hurrah, it's a must to get in all the swimming before the chilly winds come around and it won't be a pleasant feeling when I get out of the pool. I am so mousy and picky since I've gotten older, don't know what happened to my stamina. I blame it all on the day Brian die. I need to give it up and turn it around, but maybe it's my excuse to hold on to it.

Do you feel like you are in a rut and it is the way your life is suppose to be? I know that may seem negative sounding, but the things that happen to us seem to be in the same format. I know there is an easy out by saying no but that wouldn't be true to form. It would be difficult. I've never done it - well, I'm trying. It's different, it's not my style, but its becoming a necessity.

I have a question? Have you heard from God today? If so, what was the outcome? Aside from all the blessings in your life that we take for granted, don't you have prayers for help and assistance for some problem you need solved and don't you feel like you've prayed forever and there's been no signs that you can recognize? I've been praying for a specific solution, sign, change, or whatever to the same situation in my life for years, so has my husband. I ask him every once in a while if he's gotten an answer yet, and his reply is the same, no answer. Outside of the regular Catholic prayers that are so routine in my day, I'll let out a "Hey God, I'm still down here, how about............(He knows what, I'm sure of it!!) My eyes are elevated to the Heavens as though I am seeing straight through the clouds to the pearly gates. Nothing. Just nothing..........so if there is no answer, sign, or anything, is it just as it is!!! A blank sheet! What do I do - keep on keeping on in an as is journey!

It's getting difficult, there must be change. I don't know what to do. I hope there is an answer soon.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I hope too that God blesses you with all your needs.

Disgusting turn of life events

2010-09-22T09:07:00.000-07:00

It's all Facebook's fault...for the past year I have spend more time sitting on my backside than I have in all the time of my whole life on earth.

This morning the reality of that sit down reflected in the ugly turn of the dial on my bathroom weight scale. I was in the state of shock at the revelation of the numbers that appeared. I've been ignoring that piece of equipment for many months. Being in a state of depression and hating the state of events in my life, the last thing I've wanted to care about was the little numbers on the face of that awful piece of equipment. Today was to be my face to face with reality since my health have gone down hill so drastically - I knew part of it was the weight, but I didn't expect what I saw.

And yes, Facebook is one of the culprets to be blamed. I blame my husband too. I blame my kids, I blame the weather, and I blame this one and that one.......but mostly I blame myself.

I am blessed with a good life - a wonderful husband of 46 years, but the lifestyle stinks. We have plans to change but things aren't lining up. We try to make the best of it, but it isn't good enough for me. Seeing the positive admidst all the negatives isn't always easy. What I see as a paint in the patootee many not be to you --- but by this time in my life I didn't expect to be tied down still raising kids, especially when they are not mine. I know, it may seem life it would be easy enough to get out of but not when children are involved - that's my core belief. You can't go against your core believe - at least not as a mother.

So here I am faced with the reality of needing to "start all over" again. I am signed up on Weight Watcher's online" - it's not real expensive, but its enough, but better than going to the meetings which I've done. The meetings are ok, in fact both Bob and I were going and we enjoyed it. But, after the trip to Maine and lobster rolls - only putting back a couple of pounds, surprise! - the meeting has accummulated about 20 more people and it wasn't the same. The group leader was wonderful and we really liked her, but the tone of the environment wasn't the same, so we quit. I have found the online site is helpful - as long as I log everything I eat everyday - it really does work - for me.

Bob has also gained and he also weighs more weight that he ever has. He has to have knee surgery as do I - - but the physicians have told both of us to loss weight first......We don't seem to pay attention to those guys - - - but what has hit us is the fact we can't breath and are having huge difficulty getting around without struggling...thus making our tasks of playing on Facebook a whole lot more fun.

We've started this week to be serious about what we put in our mouth. It's a lifelong program for both of us. It is easy for Bob to lose weight, he is more active than I am. I have a slower metabolism - always have been that way all my life even when I was extremely active.

Hope you and your family are well and life is good for you. May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You!

My oh my how time flies when you're having a blast!

2010-09-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

I was connected to "Pioneer Woman" website entering a contest and I had forgotten my blog name so when I connected here I saw I hadn't posted since August - I was ashamed!!!

So many things have happened, well, events have happened since I last wrote. I had a birthday and turned 66 - I think, wait a minute, let me count!!! If you think that's funny, it is because I do forget because I really don't want to think I've gotten this far YET!!!! Believe me I haven't gotten this far without a battle either. It was so much fun up until a point then it seemed like all heck broke loose.

A friend made the point the other day he was leaving the 40s and adding the 5 on - and he was thoughtfully reticent about the up and coming event. My response was the 50s are still pretty good, but it was in the 60s when I started going down hill big time. This guy is a hiker though - he has a huge advantage over my lifestyle - he will do fine. His mom is several years older than me and she hikes up the Alps, and looks great. I'll just say, if you have the advantage and opportunity to do that type of exercise - do it!!! Unfortunately, my life took a different turn and I never had that chance.

My responsibility can in the form of caring for my son. We all have choices and bends to take in our life. Some have a straight way to go, others have many bends....but you know I think in the end, we all have our share of trials one way or the other.

We also celebrated our 46 wedding anniversary. It was uneventful, decided by both to be so. We are grateful to be together that long. As Bob will say - I am his best friend and I say to him - He is my best friend. We have fun together, we cry together, and we pray together. So, that pretty much says it all. Through the grace and blessings of God we have made it this far. It was meant to be even though it was "love at first sight!"

Next we had another birthday - Bob's, he made the last number before 70. Where has the time gone??? I can't fathom where the time has gone so quickly!!! We celebrated his birthday for the whole weekend because one or the other of the kids couldn't be here - so Tom and Tine could come on Friday, the others were here on Sunday. We had lots of cake this weekend - - not too good for our Weight Watcher diet but we counted.

Our health is about as good as it gets for our age - - we have routine knee problems still waiting on surgery for both of us. Other problems some serious some not so bad but we have lots to be thankful for - God has been good but we still have a special prayer for our future hanging out there and we haven't heard from HIM yet!!!! I know HE's heard it because we've seen other prayers of ours answered!!! The Mysteries of the Lord are many.

We have one more birthday this month - - our very special grandson Tom - we raise him. He is going to college now, studying to be a Paramedic. He has completed his three years in the Army and is home for now. We are so proud of him.

Economy stinks - our son and granddaughter still live with us. But the others are doing fine.

It's even stranger how fast this year has gone - like in fast motion. We went swimming today and the water has gone from being like warm bath water to ice cube cold. In this dry desert air once the temps get back down in the 90s or even lo 100 the water starts cooling off. We are enjoying the pool for the last few days the heat remains in the 90s - we are brave.

Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas we will on us before we can turn around twice and blink. I hope things turn out better for our country soon. It's very stressful to see the things going on around us.

Well, folks I hope you are well and things for you have been good. May God bless you abundantly with all the blessings and miracles you need each day.

Green Pool

2010-08-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

There are problems everywhere. Retired on a limited budget. Unemployment high which includes a son who is unemployed with no car and living at home with a daughter. Value of homes have dropped so dramatically - great for home buyers but lousy for those hoping to sell. Political scene very depressing. Health care cost going up as we age and as life would have it, we are progressing into that age bracket of more health problems.

Then there's the green pool. One day the water in the pool is sparkling and enjoyable for relaxing and forgetting all your troubles. But, unbeknownst the green goblin is working overtime as you sleep and in the morning the pool is a slimy green color. How did that happen? Who knows!!!!

The daytime temperature is still maintaining highs of over 110 and a swim would be refreshing, but who wants to swim in green goop. It all seems so minor and it is in the face of all the other daily problems we have. It is a distraction too putting into prospective the important issues and things we could do without.

Although, on the other hand, if this was your house and you had a For Sale sign on your front lawn, would you really want to have a Green Pool??? No, I don't think so. It isn't that issue right now, but it is necessary to clean it up or it will just get worse. Our kids want a pool when they buy a house, so as hubby makes several trips to the pool store, I let the adult kiddies know how much the chemicals cost. Hubby is retired, so he has all the time in the world to spend poolside cleaning the filters and scraping down the sides of the pool for hours in 110' heat. Oh yeah! such fun.....The comment from the adult kid who wants a pool is of unbelievable surprise. After all he is fresh out of the Army and just moved into his first apartment, paying bills and enjoying real Capitalism. It all looks so easy when you're young.

My hubby is a gem. He knows I love to swim, he does too - a fine exercise for both of us. Old age and finances has trimmed the yearn for this luxury, maybe a lap pool enclosed would be nice, but next time, they'll be no pool in our back yard. They are common here in the west so its not a big deal but even so, you know, it's difficult to find a home without a pool.

Hope you are having a great day without pests to deal with like the green algae or bed bugs as seems to have taken over New York! Oh my God, what's that crawling up my leg???? Help!

Letter to a Friend

2010-08-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

Good morning Friend,

How are you today? What is happening in your life? I hope you and your family are well. Have you been traveling? Remember all the dreams we had, the places we wanted to visit and things we wanted to accomplish? Where has the time gone? If we had made a checklist, I wonder how many of those on the list would be crossed off.

It's a beautiful day here in Southern Nevada. I have my earphones on listening to my favorite music on my playlist webpage. I was thinking earlier I miss the private quiet time I had back in my office when no one was around. My favorite past time was to turn the music loud and do whatever it was that needed to be done whether it was writing out the bills, writing letters, cleaning up the bookshelves or filing, but it was so relaxing. I was elevated to a higher elevation of my own environment rarely interrupted. It was very refreshing and pleasant.

But, like all things in life when there are children and grandchildren even friends and other family members that have requirements we sometimes have to give up, sacrifice if you will, the pleasures of our life to adjust for other's needs.

I know you have experienced the problem of getting behind in your chores for one reason or another. The family was all home starting sometime the last of May through a week or so ago. I've lost track of time. Being retired there are no beginnings or endings unless someone sets a schedule. Have you noticed how people rush everywhere they are going? Well, friend, being retired I have the pleasure and excitement of watching them in the hustle and bustle going their way. It is amusing too, sometimes in my slow gait I arrive at the same place within a few seconds because I see the obstacles and can avoid them without any anxiety.

When we go somewhere with the kids - kids as defined our own adult children, their companions, grandchildren and their companions - we request they "go ahead" of the pack. Bob and I meander behind at a slow deliberate pace. Sometimes the heat takes it toil on our breathing so we have to pause, but what's the hurry.

It is marvelous to watch a hummingbird for long minutes without any interruptions. Watching them pose on a branch watching eagerly for another friend to visit their feeding table, only to chase their friend off, often playing in mid-air. Taking time to watch nature and be aware of the value of the joy they bring to one's life is a gift from God.

God has given us so many treasures sometimes we miss them in our hurried existence. I have a friend who has watched two doves visit her, landing on her brick wall where she has provided feed. She waits for their return and when there was a length of time they failed to feed, she worried as though they were a part of her family. It is these occasions of life that we miss when we are young and busy with everyday life and making a living.

There is a time and a place - I am thankful to be at this time and this place. I have much to be thankful for, there are some things I could do without, but they are there for a reason. Sometimes we wonder what God is thinking, what does He really want from us........I think this often. "Hello God! Jean calling. Help God!!! what's happening? I really need to hear from You? This time You've given me a doozie to deal with. What's up with that?" I've said these words more often than I'd like to recall. Sometimes there's no answer, but boy oh boy, when He does answer - it is so awesome. When He answers and it's a flat out cold splash of water in the face, I am so shocked but then why wasn't I ready for it!!!!

It's a good day. Thank you my Lord for all my blessings. Dear Friend, I hope your day is fill with so many gifts and blessings today you too are shocked. Please take good care. Love you!

CHRIS BOTTI IN BOSTON | Shape of My Heart Sting & J. Groban

2010-08-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Choice

2010-08-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

I briefly scanned an article that came to my email box this morning. The article made the statement "life is a matter of prospective" and I agree. The article's first paragraph stated that sometimes we say or do things we regret but can never take back. I am always say stupid things and I wonder why I can't get my mouth and brain to work together. Why can't I see far enough into the future to realize what I am going to say will both sound stupid and may cause either pain or hysteria. I have been on a roll with that tragedy more recently and I don't know why. After I realized what I've said and mull it over in my mind for days, I make resolutions to be mindful of what I saw - but it doesn't work. I keep on either giving out secrets that I've kept private for years or add situations which don't apply today. Whether or not these misstatements have affected the dear ones I'm talking to was not evident. Then I think, ok, you need to talk to them about it - oh no!!! by bringing it up may emphasize the topic ---- think!!! maybe they weren't paying any attention anyhow --- oh good, can I get out of it that easy??? I think not.

I think I will just wait until the subject matter comes up again then I will try to explain it away! Oh dear me, my mouth really does get me in trouble. I am a senior citizen who has lost good social skills and I am blaming my rampant mouth problems on that!!!

I do have a choice and if I were still a kid, I could hear my mom saying "you need more self-control!" She would be right. I must revert my lack of foresight of the outcome of what I say to attempting to not speak of certain matters without realizing the outcome of my words.

I hope you have a lovely day and may God bless you with abundant graces. Take good care.

Birth of The Blues

2010-08-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

Library

2010-07-31T13:38:00.000-07:00

Waiting for a few minutes to get ready to go visit our new library in our neighborhood. I am really excited. The new one has better parking and easier access on the outside - even has a drive-through window. I can't imagine!

I have fond memories of walking or riding my bike to my neighborhood library where I grew up. It was a good thing. It wasn't very large and the people were very friendly and helpful. It was a great thing to have growing up. I enjoyed reading the "Hardy Boys" and books like that. My mom was a reader too so I guess she made that impression.

We are taking granddaughter Alex with us. I think it is a good thing to have as a routine visit. She loves to read and is in the reading club at her school. This is something to share with her. She lives with us and I have to admit unfortunately, it is a different life experience when you either raise your grandchild as we did with Tom or they live with you with one of their parent as in the case of son Kevin. They are with you everyday and there are no surprises - and as you get old, surprises are wonderful. We have several other grandchildren around the United States and the anticipations of the time when we might see them is a thrilling emotion.

I buy books routinely but need to get in the habit of borrowing and returning to the library because my budget these days is struggling and straining at the seams. There is a new book out by John Grisham I am going to look for today. He is a good read and I can get through it in a couple of days especially since tomorrow is Sunday and no plans except to visit Brian up at the cemetery. Reading on Sunday is both relaxing and refreshing to the mind - of course, it would depend on what kind of book you're reading.

A lot has happened in this home since I last wrote. We had two months of the house burgeoning at the seams. People in and out - my grocery bill has been out of sight hence the budget reflex!!! Today it is quiet, except for Alex's singing to the music on the radio. I don't mind. Tom use to whistle all the time and Alex sings. Music for the soul.

Hope you are well and life is good in your life and home. May God bless and keep you safe.

I Am America

2010-07-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

Unexpectedly quiet

2010-07-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

For all the ranting and raving I've committed myself to in other posts about peace and quiet, I am admitting here and now experiencing this quiet is a very weird to silence this morning. For the past six weeks the activity in our home has been like a carnival atmosphere.

This morning our oldest son left out on his motorcycle for a new job. He has been home for all of that six weeks, maybe more. He had come home to leave from here to go to his daughter's graduation in another state, but when he returned, he was notified he no longer had a job. He was very fortunate he was able to secure another job offer and he left early this morning to begin another new adventure.

Each one of us has a different aura that we can connect with whether it's a quiet serene or noisy "hey you, I've arrive, and I'll be here awhile" type. This son was that type - the noisy one. He enjoys conversing, teasing and is a worry wart like his mom's family. So, we know when he is around. He is very independent and won't expect us to worry - he doesn't want that burden. He knows we have enough troubles on our mind at our age.

The two other auras who have been present are traveling. They are medium noise and don't require a lot of attention because they haven't lived at home in years. They disappear quietly and return the same - we have to inquire whether they are here or gone because they are not in the habit of answering to anyone. They are pleasant auras and nice to have around so now they are gone I miss them, but they have left something behind for us to watch - their dog. She can be very high maintenance, but is a wonderful pet. She is starting to show signs that she really misses them. The other day Bob had to do something in Tom's car and he got his keys to go outside. there must be something about the "sound" of the clinking of the keys that woke Peanut up, she reacted with an awareness that she does when they come in the door. Tom and Tine are very active and are active with Peanut ---we are more sublime although the others have tried to keep Peanut busy like taking her for walks and playing with her. But, I think dogs know the difference. She does sleep on their bed for familiarity. I know she will be so happy when they come home.

I love having the TV off. We do have our favorite shows but they aren't on all the time all day. I love quiet and solitude too. I treasure the moments when I have this luxury. There are three other auras in our home I haven't mentioned, I think I'll save for another post.

It is a good day. The past six weeks have been wonderful having the family around, in and out, friends filling the house, food overflowing on the tables and counter tops, laughing, yelling, sports, games, all the things of excitement in the moments-----and it all wears me out in a very positive way. I have slept very soundly.

God bless and take good care. I am so thankful for all my blessing.

The Harmonica Man

2010-07-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

The Harmonica Man

An amazing and enjoyable story.

Walking in My shoes

2010-07-06T21:14:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a situation where you were involved as a by stander in a conversation and you opened your mouth and inserted your big foot by commenting on something that didn't concern you? I have a huge habit of doing that. I also learn my lessons the hard way, and some day and sometimes I don't learn anything at all. And, you know once you've said it, even after realizing you should have not said anything it's too late to apologize because you could never right it, regardless. I think to myself "when will I learn!" But I still apologize because I know I was wrong and I am truly sorry for the intrusion. There is an uncomfortable feeling for a while, but nothing more is said, and its is okay. I won't do that again.

But, then, another situation not quite the exact same, very different situation. Earlier I was expressing to a friend of my limitations and my dependence on my husband for assistance in some situation, sometimes more than I prefer. I got the same type of "foot in mouth" from the friend as I dished out, but, she doesn't know it. I had sense enough to realize what I said to another person was wrong, it was my gut that told me - but the issue with my friend now has taken a different turn. There's no body language to read, or voice to hear maybe agitation, it was the written word that affect me. I was going to write and express and try to explain that her judgement was wrong, but I knew unless you get it, you wouldn't understand - and if she had gotten it, she wouldn't have voiced her opinion in the manner she did. Repeating would be repetitious which can lose a lot in the translation. No point!

All this brings me to a thought I had earlier today, a very important aspiration of walking in someone shoes. When we look at our friends, listen to their problems, sorrows, happiness or just a conversation, are we judging as they speak? Do we listen with our hearts or our brains and thinking how we would handle that or pass judgement, or maybe not listen at all.

Through Facebook, I have "found" many friends I went to grade school with and many I knew in other times of my life. I envy some because on the surface it looks like they have a wonderful life, but there are others who have had struggles and are honest about those struggles but really made the best of it and deal with the problems life throws at them. There are still others who do struggle every day and manage, but there are some who from my eyes look as though they've had a great life with some problems, but they look so contented and what they write about is so wonderful and their philosophies are so positive almost to the point of being pushy and sickening. Which makes me wonder if they are thinking of only themselves as being holier than everyone around them.

Ideally, if I could I would like to change my method of reacting right now. I would like to be more conscientious of each person's individuality and set of problems so I could be sensitive and not say stupid things or give advice when I shouldn't - or maybe just listen instead of saying anything. To me, that is an ideal friend that everyone should have - no criticisms, no judgement, only pure honest interest and compassion. It is a lot to ask after all, we just want to help even if our opinion isn't required or requested. We all need just one of those special friends, we're very fortunate if we ready have one.

No one could imagine the depth of my pain from my experiences, but a good friend wouldn't expect another friend to experience anything so horrific. I wouldn't want anyone to experience my pain. I wouldn't want anyone to walk in my shoes. However, I would like an extension of a sensitivity and compassion, but it isn't that simple - no one reacts the way we expect or we think they should because they are not us. They couldn't even begin to walk in your shoes or my shoes because we each have our own pair of shoes that fit only our life.

We are given a special life path to follow, if we have friends who walk beside you down the path, to be there when you fall, or pray for you when you are hurting, cry when you cry, then you've got a beautiful matching pair - but there are those who cannot see or feel because their life will never parallel yours so they will never know your pain, but yet they will express opinions that may not be helpful, in fact painful because they don't understand. How do you respond, with unkind words, with attempted explanations, going back over the expressions of your situation - actually none of the above - if the person understood, nothing would have been said, so any more words might make it worse.

In both my situations - one was created by me toward a friend. The other was applied to me from a friend. In the first situation I didn't walk in my friend's shoes but I should have, I could have, when I realized on my own, I did apologize. In the second situation my friend didn't walk in my shoes but she couldn't have because her path has taken her down a different avenue that didn't run parallel with my path. I learned a lesson this week. I am very thankful and I hope that I can do better for my friends regardless of whose path I am walking beside.

I Fought For You By The Sound Tank

2010-07-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Is there a time for quiet?

2010-07-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

Our home has been jumping like a Jazz Concert in the Park since Tom has come home from the Army. As I've probably mentioned he brought his gal Tine home with him and their dog - Peanut. To be honest, Peanut does not look like a Peanut, more like a Sara or Patty or Monique, but Tine loves the Peanut with Jeff Dunham.

Peanut is a lovable dog but her attention doesn't come cheap - there are bribed involved to get close to her. I have followed all the necessary routes to win her over and now we are best pals. She's a sweet dog like no other I've had around. She is a mommy's girl - and that is a new one for me. I have missed having pets ever since my dog Angel, yellow lab, died a couple years ago. Bob said no more. We've always had pets since I met Bob and he brought home a black kitten he found in the parking lot where he worked. It's nice to have Peanut around, she is sweet.

I am at the place in the road where the pavement moves in several different directions and I have to make a choice of which way to go. It is absolutely necessary I chose the right one because my life is moving way too fast for mistakes.

Tom and Tine are starting their life together. They have their apartment, set up to go to college and buying furniture. Their energy and strengths reminds me so much of myself - I could do anything and I had so much physical strength too. I felt a tinge of guilt the other day as I watch Tine help Tom move a huge box downstairs remembering how easy and common it was for me to help Bob do the very same thing years ago. Today I struggle to get down the stairs and heaven forbid, I couldn't carry a thing. It is a sad remembrance although I shouldn't face it like that.

We have a big home and the kids - all of them and their friends, the grandchildren and whoever come in and make themselves comfortable. It's wonderful to have that environment, but I do yearn for privacy and my own space. The decision I must make is about a house and the size of the house to be the new home for my husband and I. We do have a son and granddaughter living with us, but there are several problems with that arrangement that is causing problems and unless our son can change those problems I don't want him to live with us. I worry about our granddaughter, but there are extreme options - something he wouldn't like, but just how long is a parent suppose to support their adult children and grandchildren?

This is the problem. I really yearn to be alone with my husband. We have so much fun together and I don't like having to sneak around to be passionate - it seems as though we've always had someone living with us or we lived with someone for a short time - I want my own place.

I have prayed but haven't received an answer. I know God has a lot on his plate today with all the stuff going on in the world so maybe I'm expecting too much. But it says, asks and you shall receive. I'm waiting. I hope someday I can write the news that we have been given our freedom to live our lives alone. My husband will be 69 and I will be 66, I think it's time for that second Honeymoon, don't you?

Happiness is.....

2010-06-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Father's Day. In our home it was a very different type of day from any other Father's Day we've celebrated in the past. Bob did receive a special surprise from Grandson Tom who recently was Honorably Discharged from the Army and has come home. This is Tom's home, we raised him and I have missed him so much. Grandson Tom and his gal Tine took us out to dinner to celebrate Bob's Father's day a few days earlier. They were going out of town on Father's Day, they had made plans with friends without realizing it was Bob's special day. Bob is not sticky about the "day" but he really appreciated know thoughtful Tom and Tine were. The restaurant they took us too was very different from any we had ever been and we enjoyed ourselves so much. Tom and Tine also gave Bob a very special gift which he has enjoyed. The biggest gift was the presence of Tom and Tine back home.

As for the other kids, there were no treats or cards, no telephone calls, no greetings except from one son who verbally wished Bob Happy Father's day. I wondered why and how it's come to this.
Bob and I sat outside on the patio talking early yesterday morning about our life now. We've been married almost 46 years and we are both well into our 60s and have been retired for a few years now yet we are still supporting our kids and helping with a granddaughter, we have also raised our grandson Tom who has grown into a wonderful man, but raising another granddaughter is not something I am not up to today especially due to some health problems. Ours is not the only story about adult children moving back home and grandparents raising grandchildren, I hear it all the time now. But, you know what, it isn't fair. I gave up everything I could have been to stay home and raise my kids who were no surprises, these are children I wanted with all my heart. Today as my life is this is not the future I had planned to be living. Although I am so very fortunate to have a wonderful man whom I not only love with all my heart but I like and we are best friends.

When I begin dwelling on these things, I know that everyone has their burdens whether it's an illness or some other tragedy and I know no one escapes this life without some issue to cause distress or unhappiness. I never thought I would ever admit either that today I was very unhappy. I am blessed in so many ways and I try to look beyond the negative but more and more as I enter into another year of my life I am becoming more depressed. I do have health problems, nothing like cancer, but the usual old age things that seem to get worse. It has been my hope to enjoy life and some freedom before it is too late. My husband expressed this same hope yesterday. But, the question is, how do you escape your adult children? Run away?

It is not an issue at this time - running away, we are not in the position to do so either responsibly or financially, but I am hoping within the next year we can. My big plan is to sell our big home, downsize to a small place, buy a small motor home then leave town for parts unknown for months on end. And, that's where the happiness comes in.......we talked about where would we go, where is my favorite place and I always say it's Maine. We went there a couple of years ago in the fall right after Bob retired and we also went there when Brian was alive and we had the motor home and Tom was with us too. The beaches are beautiful and the sand is firm for walking. I didn't want to leave. Both visits were so memorable and wonderful, I can't wait to return.

We also love Montana especially in the northern section near Canada. We went to Banff National Park in Canada, about 8 years ago and took Tom. We went through Glacier National Park and Lake Louise - oh my, the scenery is so breath-taking. Those places are happiness to me, peaceful and beautiful. Then there's Ohio where my family and friends live. Ohio also provides a bountiful of places to visit and enjoy. We saw Charleston, SC, on one of our trips to visit Tom at Ft. Bragg, NC, when we were taking his car out to him. Charleston was marvelous and we have a granddaughter living just a few miles from there. We haven't been to Florida either. Oh, I can't forget to mention Monticello in Virginia. I had forever and ever wanted to go there and we went during our retirement trip. It is so beautiful and awe inspiring. I am glad we went there but there are so many more states we haven't seen.

And so I ask, is happiness all a frame of mind? Is it the life we create around us? Or is it a place or the people? I struggle to make each day a good day and not be too grumpy about my problems with my adult children - but they are burdens and I can't seem escape their lives even mentally. Somedays I do want to run away and I would not feel guilty if I could. I am not impulsive and must have everything done right before I run.

But, you know what scares me, this is weird, and yes, we do pray, I pray for help, guidance, assistance, and all that - for both me and the kids, but I know too, sometimes you get what you pray for so you must be careful what and how you ask, at least that's my experience and my impression. I'll tell you why - - I prayed for a close family this was due in part to the enormous problems I had with my husband's mother. Well, I got a close family alright, they moved in! So, do we need to put exclusions on our prayers for help to God, like "either or" or "this way but not that" or not ask at all. Does it matter anyhow? Will we get what's coming to us whether we pray or not? The trials seem to go on and on. I can't find a way out even though I don't want to become overwhelmingly negative. Sometimes I'm not really sure about praying either.

I do feel so fortunate God brought Bob and I together. He is the sunshine of my day and I am thankful for his presence in my life and do not take him for granted. He is the Gift from God that keeps me focused forward because we talk together and try to work out our plans and goals.

Maybe next year I will be writing about something new from a new place. Even at my age, I have a dream. I am not looking for something better because I have it good, but I look for peace in my daily life and freedom in my home. I don't want my children out of my life, I just want them in their own homes and out of my kitchen.

Father's Day

2010-06-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

What makes a good father? Because we are each different, our answers would be just as different for what makes a good father. This morning on our Sunday Morning program the Father's Day interview was with the Gate's Family - yes, Bill Gates the Microsoft man, but it was about his father Bill Gates Sr., his two daughters and the one son. They were all perfect, perfect life, gorgeous home, and all is well. The image of the Gate's family doesn't fit my life at all, not in any sense.

My father is buried in the cemetery in our town. He was a hard working man, I remember that about him. He was not a huggy man, at least not with me. but he was with my children. He was a devoted father and was always there for me - always to the end. I don't remember him saying he loved me but I grew up knowing love was more than words. I learned through experience that saying "I love you" can come easy from some but being responsible for Love was a completely different exercise of life.

No matter the problem my dad was there for me and I tried to be there for him when he needed me but I feel as though I failed. I do know this, some men need to be the leaders always and don't want to be needy. They want to always be in control and my father was one of these. It was tough for him after my mom died. My husband, the two youngest of our four children and I picked up and moved from one state to where dad lived to help him because he had no one - no friends and no other family nearby. I was his daughter and he was the strong father figure and he had difficult adjusting his authority, adjusting his life, or accepting his failing health. I was his faithful daughter until his end. But his end wasn't as anyone would have wanted for their father or for themselves to experience. It was a painful and awful ordeal, one so much so I can't write about it.

I struggle this day remembering all the events in my life as a daughter and a human being attempting to understand why I was chosen to have to deal with them. And on this Father's Day as I read loving comments from sons and daughters to their fathers I remember my dad as he gave his all for his family and his total commitment and love to my mom. He did his best. His own life before my mother was very hard, so I understood many things about my dad and accepted much that was unspoken because of the times.

The lesson I learned from him was the depth of his love and commitment for my mom and me, and my brother too. It was a very important lesson. I wish we could have been better friends but it is what it is......that's what I always say.

A very special day

2010-06-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

I do have remorse for now tending to my blog pages - I think about you often, but I've been so busy with Facebook. I must confess I've also neglected Twitter, shear neglect to all. Facebook is so much fun and it is the social network over the top.

I would like to say, if you haven't tried Twitter, it's worth at least an attempt. It's a very quick way of either voicing your opinion or communicating with your friends. I have twitter friends from all over the place - a variety of interests. The good thing is you can choose who you want to follow you and it's easy to decide to follow someone. Pretty cool. My Twitter is basically for political following, but I do have Martha Stewart, Lou Dobbs, Bill Hemmer, Karl Rove, and even MC Hammer! How cool is that! Anyhow, just wanted to mention.

Yes, today is a very special day - our boy comes home from the Army. Soldier Tom is no longer Soldier Tom but Civilian Tom. He decided to become a private man and signed the papers last week. He is coming home with a little more than what he left with in 2007. He is bringing home his gal Tine and their dog Peanut. We met our new "family members" last Christmas. We love them both and they fit right into our wild and crazy family.

I have an Open Door policy - whoever comes in my home helps themselves. I use to be a waiter-upon-all, but as I have aged I said "what the heck' and just decided to let everyone help themselves. If you want a cup of coffee - get it yourself. My refrigerator has always been an open door occasion - not by choice but because everyone who comes home the first place they head to after the "potty" is the refrigerator. If you are hungry and can find something to eat - have at it. It works for me and I don't have to worry about trying to please anyone. Also, I think right off it puts someone at ease - no fussing. So far it's worked, I'll stick with this plan until something better comes along.

Getting the house all spruced up for Tom's homecoming is not necessarily a big deal, but it is when you are over 65 and everything in you body yells - "slow down, you are not 35 anymore" oh my gosh, I have to begin organizing my to-do list months in advance so I have all my chores completed, but why oh why are there always more things that crop up at the end!!! yikes! It's just the think of wanting everything to look nice when they have been gone for so long. He has served his country with honor, he was a good soldier, his commanding officers said so - so the least I can do is make his homecoming wonderful. I know, I didn't make a sign, we always do signs, oh well.

This is the beginning of a new life for Tom, Tine and Peanut. The two of them will be going to college, well, Tine will attend the university, she's already signed up. Tom is an amazing person. He has a fabulous sense of humor and I love having him around. I can't say he hasn't driven me crazy because he has. When he was young he was a real worry but as he got older he learned to become more considerate. For Tom, I knew that loving him without borders would bring out the best in him - I have faith in him and knew he could do it. I wonder why that strong emotion that comes from a mother's love isn't reflected in all her children.

I have other children who falter along the way - I can see their potential, but also realize there is something within them that keeps them from succeeding although I don't know why. You see their positive abilities and how they apply themselves in those areas, but fail in ones that they need to grow in to survive. Is it my fault because I come to their aid too often, when should you use tough love, what are the rules for "always being there?" I feel as though my adult kids are blind to my ageing issues. It is becoming a real problem in our family between my husband and I and the kids. Our daughter has a mental illness and she is convince we are super people. I finally had to be firm in my response to helping her AGAIN!!! No, enough is enough!!!

Bob and I have not yet had the opportunity to enjoy our golden years because we are still helping raise grandchildren - not babysitting, but supporting...It is such a different lifestyle to have grandchildren live with you. There are times where it can't be helped - our situation today is one of those, but we do expect our son to get busy and try to make a life for himself and his daughter but it doesn't seem to be happening.

But - aside from all the family problems, we have Tom. My girlfriend said last night, it will be good to have Tom home because he brings so much to our home. He doesn't complain, he doesn't come in the door with problems, he's never grouchy, always has something funny going on and he has brought game playing back to our home - I love to play cards and board games - my husband won't but Tom will and we can get my husband in on it too - - it is so much fun!!!

I talked to Tom a little while ago. They are still on the road, hopefully, God willing nothing goes wrong today and they will be home tonight. He asked me if I was going to the store today and I said yes, Costco, he paused and slowly replied - and I'm thinking, oh no, he wants something really big--- they he said "I need some crazy glue!" I almost croaked, how simple is that!!!! So funny, I wasn't expecting that!!!

So that next time I write, and I promise to do better - Tom, Tine and our granddog Peanut will be home.

Do take good care and God Bless YOU!!!

Knock, knock, knock!!! Ding dong!

2010-05-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

It is quiet here at this moment. Husband took son somewhere. I have tons of stuff to do, but rarely do I have quiet moments without interruptions, so I thought I'd use my precious time here with you. I have been on Facebook and Twitter a lot - Facebook is a quick means of visiting with a lot of friends plus my husband and I play Farmtown and Farmville - I am getting a little tired of it so not applying myself as I should, but I do it everyday because he enjoys it. It's entertaining and creative. The part of Facebook I appreciate is the fact of so many friends and family members that I have found - people I haven't seen since I went to grade school in Ohio. It's a wonderful opportunity. The Twitter is mostly for political postings for me. Quick one liners w/links sometimes. I find it inspiring and keeps me in the loop. The news networks all seem to have the same reports hour after hour. People reports a multitude of different happenings and you have the opportunity to follow through if you decide to.

In a couple of weeks, our home will take on a whole new dynamic. Tom will be discharged from the Army. It is so bittersweet decision for me. I liked him serving, but it was his decision to get out, although, he does have the right to change his mind later and still hold the same rank. I have missed him so much. As a young man he was so much fun to be around. He always had a smile and something funny to say. He was an up-lifting soul - he never grumbled or complained about anything. It was a positive force in our home. He will be coming home with his girlfriend and their dog. We love his girlfriend, she is very nice, and treats him good too. We also love their dog - it is so nice to have a pet around. Their dog's name is Peanut and she if so much tied to Tine, I have never seen a dog so attached to it's owner as Peanut is. Our dogs always belonged to everyone - even my dog Angel. They will be here only as long as it takes them to find an apartment. They both will be going to college and working too.

I have had to deal with an infected leg the past couple of weeks so I have taken in pretty easy - it's nice to be lazy for a good reason. I am lazy some days just because I want to, but Bob says since we are retired we can do what we want. I don't buy that completely because I feel as though I need to accomplish something each day - even though housework is a daily thing. I have several chores which I have to accomplish this week, they must be done, so this writing break I've taken is a golden moment which I will make up for later doing what needs to be done. No one is suffering for what I haven't done, so it's ok.

I received a note from a friend - actually she was married to my son Brian's friend. They knew each other in Germany. When Brian got sick, there were several of his friends who corresponded with me. This person has stayed with it since Brian died ten years now - unbelievable that time has passed so quickly - but it wasn't like that at first. Anywho, this person is having some awful problems. She is poor and has bad health. She is a young woman in her 30s I would assume, has diabetes, maybe breast cancer, no insurance. You know, just when you think you are in the depths of hell with your problems, you realize there are others who have it much worse. If I could help her I would, I am strapped for cash and what I had wouldn't even touch what this girl needs. All I have to offer is my friendship. I know when I am down and out and I hear from a friend with kind words of encouragement, it can make all the difference in the world to my day. Sometimes the people around us can get on our nerves and they might be a part of the problem too and a friend comes around out of the blue with just a couple extra special thought, man oh man, what a kindness that is. Please pray for her if you remember. Her name is Joan.

Having this infection in my leg has required doing special wound treatment. It reminds me so much of taking care of Brian. He had a huge bedsore that was all the way to his bone - it was horrible. We did a lot of complaining when we went to the VA hospital in LA - it was their fault it started, they were neglectful. After we brought him home and I tended him, it took me a long time, but it healed up. I know today they have more advance medical processes for healing sores - Doc wanted me to go to the Wound Center, but I knew I could handle it - so far so good, but after my appointment in another week, if it hasn't healed as he wanted it to, then I will go, but so far it looks good. I have a blood problem and have to be careful. It was a stupid accident with a cardboard box.

Getting older has brought out very negative results from my body - like being unsteady on my feet, you know, feeling clumsy. I still have bad knees - need knee replacement which I hope to do this year but doc said I MUST lose weight - boring!!! How stupid can one person be - I know it is the solution to all my problems, why am I holding back!!! I may not be perfect if I lose weight but with the knees replaced and less weight, it should allow me to be more mobile. Bob bought me a 3 wheel bike but I can't get my leg up because of the knee. So, I have made the commitment this week. I don't want it to be a commitment like all the others but I must get this weight off - it's to the benefit of my mind and my body and my future. Why would I give up in my life when I have come so far and I have dreams I want to fulfill - yet to come! I can't give up now......I preach a good sermon to others but I don't take my own advice. You know how much I love my husband, and I just can't see not fulfilling our dreams, I don't want to give up, there's too much ahead. Sometimes I blame my situation here today - the kids living with us, I want to say their stupidity in their decisions but I won't - it gets so old having them around. They are depressing. But crap-o-la, I am tired of hearing myself complain about them Only I can get out and do something about my life - so what if they choose the gutter, I've done all I can - they can't blame me for their problems, they really can't I've been a good mom, too good for them. They don't seem to get it that I need my life now, they don't seem to give a care if I feel bad, so why should I care about their bad times that they have brought on to themselves. Whoa, I didn't mean to get so into it so deeply - it all came out from down in my gut. That's why I'm here, this is my "psychiatrist" couch.

Well, they are back so I've got to go. We are going to go to the Veteran's Cemetery to put flowers on Brian's grave in a little while so I have to get dressed. We haven't visited Brian in a couple of weeks. I didn't go see my mom on her birthday or Mother's Day either - that's for another day. She and Daddy are buried at a cemetery in the middle of downtown Las Vegas, not so good part of town, so we don't go often. The cemetery there is well kept though, she has a beautiful spot. I sure do miss my son and mom and dad, but such is life.

I hope you are having a wonderful day. Do take good care of yourself and each other. God bless.

Thank You Soldiers - Veteran's Day/Memorial Day Song

2010-05-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

You're Having My Baby

2010-05-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today is a day set aside for children to celebrate their mother. The tradition was started in 1912 and is observed all over the world. President Woodrow Wilson was the president who made it a law in the United States.

"You're Having My Baby" was a song song by Paul Anka. In the video the music and photo bring back the memories of the days we carried our children, the days of wondering whether our precious baby would be perfect. I had my babies when I was young and close together. I was naive and under the spell of my loving partner. I would have done anything for him and having babies was a part of his fulfillment.

I loved being a young mother, I remember that so well. Unfortunately, nothing comes in beautiful wrappings tied with a simple bow that remains unwrinkled and tied forever. Within a few weeks of the birth of my first baby, he developed problems. I was so dumb, there are no instructions that comes with that beautiful package. No directions for how to tell if you have a reliable physician. As a young adult, my experiences had not given my instincts time to develop. I felt hopeless. We were fortunate to find a pediatrician after several weeks who knew what the problem was - our regular doctor blamed everything except for the real problem Had we not caught the problem when we did, he would have died. Our little tiny baby of nine weeks required surgery. Do you know how awful it is too see a little tiny baby laying in a hospital bed with tubes coming out of so many places of his precious body.

Oddly enough, the same thing happened to my daughter when she was a newborn. Fortunately, this time we were smart enough to know what to do. Our doctor was so surprised this could happen to a girl and the second time in a family - he hesitated and wanted us to send her away to a hospital many miles away. We were so poor and didn't have the money to make the drive to visit. We took her to a local hospital and had the surgery performed successfully.

These are only two situations in our long life that we didn't count on to happen when we decide that we want to bring a new life into the world. We have no clue what could or does happen when we have that very important decision.

There are more stories and anxieties - especially the death of our second son. He was a beautiful son, considerate, loving, thoughtful, wonderful laugh, the ideal son.

There are now grandchildren who add a different aspect to being a parent - a golden opportunity to expand on the love that grew with our own children. Love that came from sacrifices. Love from pride of a stage play of kindergartners. Excitement of the experience of the first child receiving his high school diploma. The ultimate exhilaration watching the birth of a grandchild.

Having a baby equals celebrating Mother's Day.

What's your favorite thing to do on Sundays?

2010-04-18T16:26:00.001-07:00

When we don't have any firm plans to go anywhere, any chores although we do relax on Sundays - no servile work, and if I don't plan on cooking a big meal, if the day is mine, nothing out of the ordinary request from my husband - I love to come back to my office and play my music CDs with the volume up and mess around on my computer, cleaning emails up, doing Facebook, Twitter, and writing mail to friends.

That's what I've been doing this afternoon. I had the window open for awhile, nice breeze coming through until the air conditioner came on - the temperatures are heating up in our desert climate. Said to get up about 85 today - just the beginning. We've had marvelous spring days. Believe me I am very thankful for these pleasant days because the temps seem to speed up towards 115 quickly. I've learned to think of it in this way - we do have wonderful winter weather and spring weather and only about two months of high heat in the upper 100s - its difficult to tolerate some days, but we know it will pass. When it is real hot we can't go out because it takes our breath away, really, so we much plan the grocery for the early morning, or one store at a time. It is dry heat and yes, there is a difference. I was raised in the mid west and had lived there in Kentucky on the farm when we raised the kids when I was in my 20 and 30s and part of my 40s and you get use to the heat and humidity - the lousy hairdos and runny makeup, but holy cow, when we've gone back on vacation, I find it miserable. So we try not to schedule trips in the summer.

I was just wondering, do you have family members who choose not be apart of your family? I've got a couple of grandkids who live with their mothers and they have not been close at all. We've tried to communicate, but they don't recripricate. It's sad to me. I know every family have their problems and it's not unusual. Life is too short but on the other hand, there's not much you can do, really. Just wondering.

Thankful for the beautiful days. The folks in Europe have their problems with the cloud of volcano dust hanging over them. Can't imagine they respiratory distress they have to deal with - must be horrible.

Hope you are well and your day is going smoothly. God bless!

Deployment

2010-04-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

The next day

2010-04-06T11:33:00.001-07:00

It is a beautiful cool day here in southern Nevada. Bob is resting. Kevin is gone somewhere and Alex is in school. I love it when the house is quiet. I have two windows in this room - not sure if I can call it my office now, reorganized so much with the idea of moving Alex in, but not sure how that's going. Bob hung a hummingbird feeder by each window and there are several trees in our front yard - the windows face front and side so I have a wonderful view of nature at its best. The temp is only 66 with the breeze it seems cooler although I know if I were sitting outside in the sun it would be warm.

Ten years ago is the day the medical examiner legally proclaimed Brian dead, even though by our first hand knowledge he died at 11:23 PM April 5. By the time I called the police and our doctor to notify them and everyone arrived and the examiner said the time had passed into the next day.

I had been involved with Bob's grandpa passing away and being there when the medical examiner came - it was not as involved as it is in a big city. Grandpa Sullivan was over 90 years old and they lived in the country. I only remember seeing the man from the funeral home and talking to him. Grandpa died in his sleep during the night and Grandma called us over - we lived right next door to them. He lived a good long life.

I was with my dad when he died in the hospital. He was sick and in a comatose condition. He had specified he didn't want to be on life support, but it was my decision to wait until my brother flew in from Ohio before I did anything. I was so angry with the hospital because we had specified a time for them to take dad off the machine - I had to work that morning and planned to leave for the hospital at noon. I was new at the job and couldn't take too much take off. It was difficult. The nursing staff took dad off the machine earlier than we planned without permission, there was no reason for it, but they did call me. It was a long stressful drive to the hospital in a lot of traffic. I was mad and told them so - very disrespectful I thought. My brother was already there when I arrived. There was enough time for me to pay my respects to my dad and he died peaceful. There was no ecstasy or miraculous sightings just peace and quiet. Dad was only 78. His life was hard. His childhood was difficult with his dad dying when he was only 10. He was a hard working man. He loved my mother so much. Mom died three years earlier.

There's so much that goes on when someone dies at home. Police, fireman, medical examiner. No time to cry. I am of the nature to be organized - dot the "i" ready to answer questions to help. When the men from the funeral home came to take Brian's body, they asked permission to wrap Brian in the white sheet I covered him with. And, so they did.

Experiencing dead first hand whether with grandfather, father or son is nothing to fear. I cherish the final time I can be with my loved one when they leave this earth. To say good bye and close the door one last time. To say Farewell my love.

This Night Ten Years Ago

2010-04-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

Our son Brian died 10 years ago tonight. I know it is so long ago - think what has happened in your life in the past 10 years. Oh my gosh! where has the time gone. Some days have stood still.

Yesterday was Easter. After dinner we went out to Brian's grave to put flowers there for him. We always pick out carnations because the bunnies love to eat them, and there are lots of wild rabbits there in the cemetery. Brian was a sportsman and a hunter on the farm and we know he would get a big kick out of the bunnies being near him.

No matter how many years go by, I will always miss my son Brian. He was a wonderful son.

Reason

2010-03-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

Must we have a reason or purpose for everything we do? An ultimatum? Bargaining tool? If you give me this I'll do that for you? Bribe would be a better description or hidden agenda.... shhhh, don't tell.

A well ordered running household, I think, depends on everyone pitching in and helping, either without being told and doing it when they see it needs to be done, or doing it when asked without any sassy mouth about it.

There is harmony in that and satisfaction. Life outside is noisy and distracting. The moments of peace and quiet are welcomed. Understanding and acceptance is a blessing. Love is a gift.

Neglectful of Favorite things.

2010-03-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's already 9 AM, we've been up since 5 AM although once I sat down in my comfy electric reclining chair I went back to sleep. We have an odd routine these days of waking up early for no reason. Well, we're retired so it doesn't matter. We watch the weather or local news and putter around on the computer, Bob does anyhow because if I can get away with it I snooze. Six o'clock the national news comes on and I try to be awake enough to catch that on FoxNews.

I have enjoyed blogging, but have gotten distracted with a couple other things the past year. I guess it all started last March when our truck driver son Don introduced us to Facebook. I am aware Facebook has been around for a very long time, but I never got attached to it until our Don said something and I knew it would be a good way to keep in touch when he was on the road. He has an Apple laptop. Husband Bob got hooked too, and we got started with two applications of farming - although both of us are city children we did have a real farm for a period of time in our life so I guess we reminisce of those hard working days - it was a good life. We enjoy playing Farmtown & Farmville but it's a silly daily commitment - isn't that so funny!!! We think it's a riot the realization something so simple could take so much of our time. Oh well, we're retired.

In addition to blogging and Facebook, I am totally driven like bees to honey with Twitter. The individuals I follow are more political, but I do have a variety - like Martha Stewart, Copykat Recipes, MC Hammer, and many others. Of the political people I follow, there are a few who also have chosen to follow me like Dr. Henry Kissinger, Karl Rove, and others - a compliment for sure. I am a regular middle class common person certainly no high class education - I think I have some common sense and can write legibly to keep up and keep me in the game.

I have been rewarded over and over with these mediums of communication. I have broaden my sense of individualism with the choices I can select whether Twittering, Blogging or on Facebook. Oh, and most important for me is the contacts I have formed and reunions of old friends who I grew up with or those we use to live nearby. It has been glorious finding these dear friends as well as meeting new friends. All the children I taught in Religion classes at our Church have grown up and with their own children - and they are teaching and active in our church there. So gratifying to reach out and touch the past and present.

I will try to do better blogging. I have found this gift to be a treasure for my soul - especially the political blogs I have. Having the opportunity to write my innermost thoughts is very self-fulfilling. Maybe it also helps bring relief for those worrisome problems too.

Spring has been upon us here in the desert southwest for a couple of weeks now. Our hyacinths have bloomed and spread their glorious fragrance many times over but have now passed and left only the green stems that blend in with the new spring flowers blooming. I have never seen our spring flowers look so lovely. We've seen more variety of tulips than ever and we give praise to the Father for the rains we've had this season for these gifts of beauty.

Bob has planted a couple tomato plants in a new spot - with luck we might have fresh tomatoes. We have never had luck growing tomatoes here although I do know there are some people we have heard about that do get lucky, so we know it can be done. We don't want to invest a lot of money in new plants unless necessary because we do still have intentions of selling this house, eventually.

I do sincerely wish you a wonderful day. May God bless you abundantly with all your needs. Take care.

Condolences

2010-03-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

A sweet blog with a sad ending for a Marine's wife. Please check out this blog.

Is being retired an excuse for laziness?

2010-03-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

I have become absolutely downright lazy. I don't care. The house is picked up and laundry gets done. I do the dishes and clean up the kitchen, but I don't dust until I absolutely have to - my daily movement is minimal. What's become of this life?

Bob says "we're retire, we can do what we want!" It's embarrassing! He's right, though, I must admit. So I take consternation in the fact of life that I did work hard until a few years ago, now I never work up a sweat which I should. My butt looks like the seat of my electric chair. Do I care, heck no! As long as I have a good hair do and put some make up on to go out, I'm okay with that. There are blouses and coats to hide my butt - I'm an old lady, what do I care!

Bob and I have both lost our youthful physic. It is not a laughing matter but we don't care - well, we do, but it's at the bottom of a long list of important things to worry about or not. I know for a fact if anything happens to him I would definite not be looking for a replacement - no one would do for me what he does. He treats me like a queen. I never thought I'd see this day and I am so very grateful for it and everyday I let him know how much I love him and how much I appreciate him. At our age, we never know if it might be our last. I know we are both in descent health, but there are pains, and God doesn't send a warning message to get ready. He just knocks and swoosh its all over.

When my mom died, I was expecting it, but the last words spoken to her were hurried, not my fault, but she was so ill, and the messages were misconstrued through my dad - it was awful for me. She and I were absolutely best friends, tender, loving, trusting, laughing, close mother daughter friends. I will never forget the last telephone call because it wasn't as I would have wanted it to be. I know the last time I saw her I had flown out to Vegas from our farm in Kentucky and I left her as she was in bed. She was so ill she couldn't see me off as I got into the taxi to the airport. It was the farewell I should remember - it was sweet, with mom being humorous as was her nature, but no, I hold on to the sad remembrances of the telephone call.

I know how those final moments remain as a non erasable ink blot, never ever to be changed, so I try not to let a day go by that my husband doesn't realize how much I appreciate him.

I know you may wonder why I don't talk about my kids in the same way, but I've attempted to reach out to them, but they are still oblivious to life - they can't accept the fact we are old. One son said to me when Bob was going through his cancer radiation treatments and I expressed my worry - he said "everybody dies sometime" - wow! cruel I thought, coming from my son, but that is his mentality. So, I hold on to my husband.

I will say about my adult kids, they are strange, you might blame me but I refuse that blame. I know I could have been firmer, and I was when I thought necessary - today, I would send my son out of the house packing in a heart beat, but there is a child. My conscience wouldn't let me live one day longer if I kick a child out of my large home. We are certainly not wealthy, but we have a roof over our head and food on the table. The children shouldn't be punished for the sins and attitude of the parents. I will say, this son is a devoted father, he is wonderful to his daughter. However nice both of my boys are they do have weird ideas and lifestyles I don't understand.

My mother-in-law didn't like me, but I treated her as I thought God would want me to treat her. To the day of her death, she proclaimed that I was an awful person. No matter that I never cheated on her son and I was devoted, and cared for Brian, raised a grandson and helped a daughter who was mentally disturbed , yes, I was an awful person. I don't regret that I gave her what I thought God wanted - I let God be my guide, just as I do with my children. They will feel the pain of their actions one day. Just as my mother-in-law lost so much being so negative and jealous in her death.

Reaping the rewards God has given us while we are on this earth whatever our life is and being grateful for them is my daily prayer. Through all the turmoil of life, I know I am blessed. And as Bob and I go through each of our days of retirement, lazy, doing the absolutely bare necessities we can laugh at how silly it all can be. Putting off until tomorrow what we should have done today is our favorite saying. And so far it's worked pretty good.

Pleasant evening

2010-03-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

What is your favorite thing to do in the evening after fixing dinner and doing the dishes? I'm sure you have routines, but there must be something that really is so relaxing and happens so seldom so you really appreciate the time. Tonight I had the opportunity to experience an evening of oneness. This is a unique occasion lately, don't know why, but Bob and I have gotten into a particular routine of doing the same thing every night.

Tonight I came back to my office and put a George Strait CD in my player and cranked up the sound. This room is my hideout, although I am not far away if anyone needs or wants me, but far away I am out of sight. I can sing off key all I want without any comments.

I think we all need that special place to go to be alone to reclaim ourselves. Raising a family, working, tending spouse's needs and all the other claims on our time we forget to be calm and listen. I know there's no listening with George Strait singing, but in the time that I've been here, I've posted photos on my Facebook page, commented on Twitter, did my Farmtown and Farmville, did some bills, and wrote some emails. I know that doesn't see like earth shattering stuff but for me it's therapy being alone in my own environment because I don't have that opportunity that often.

What's your favorite relaxing pastime?

Today's Remembrance

2010-02-23T14:32:00.000-08:00

Today my husband went to a memorial service for a young woman who was only 26 years young. Bob had worked with her father and mother at Hoover Dam. We heard about the death of the beautiful girl through a friend of mine whose husband works at the dam as well. The mother of the young woman had been friends with Bob and they often had discussed situations that happened as they raised their children. This young woman who died was their only child.

She was doing what she loved. She was riding her horse, something spooked the house and it threw the young girl and the horse fell on her. That is the story I was told. She died instantly.

In April, we will look back 10 years since our son died and the pain and sorrow is still very real. Does it get easier - no, it doesn't. Everyday we miss him. I cried when I heard about her death because I knew the pain of the mother.

Bob said he never attended a funeral service where there were so many people in attendance. There were no parking spaces so people had to park on the street and walk a distance. There was standing room only. She was well known in her community and well liked.

Bob said it was all he could do to walk in the building. His pain was strong because he knew. He had to sit down and compose himself before approaching his friends to express our condolences. I couldn't attend, I just couldn't. I cried as I watched Bob get ready to go, I cried as I watched Bob drive down the street. I didn't want to be so out of control at this time in respect of those dear people. There will be another time to be with them.

Bob said they were handling it better than him. Well, you do, don't you. While everything is going on, and everyone is around to console you, you are busy taking care of business and seeing that everything and everyone is taken care of - you think of everyone else at a time like this ========until everyone is gone, until the last relative goes home, until you are in that house alone with only the sound, the smell, the quiet, then it hits you, and it never ever goes away.

Bob said they had a prepared slide show of her life with the music she enjoyed playing in the background and it was very soothing. Her girlfriends had poems, her boyfriend spoke a few words to personal tribute and their minister and others gave a memorial as well. It must have been a beautiful tribute to a very loved woman who left this life too soon - she left this life to go to the Father. The Father wanted our son Brian sooner than we wanted to give him up too. It is the most difficult experience to come to terms with in life, giving up a child before their time, what we believe is their time.

I can't stop crying today.

Time to clean house

2010-02-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

A couple of things...................Hope you had a special Valentine's Day yesterday! Granddaughter went to her friend's house I'm so glad, she needs to be around kids her age more often. We finally decided to go out to eat, I didn't even make pancakes for breakfast. Went to Metro Pizza, our favorite place to eat, a tad pricey, but service is terrific and food outstanding. Nice time.

Must get in gear and get some spring cleaning and clear out going. The temp is warming up here in southern desert area, so maybe that's a stimulant to get busy. Only three plus some months and the kids - Tom and Tine will be home, so as slow as I work these days, I'd best get on it. They'll be with us until they find someplace permanent to live. Both will work and go to college full time, and we'll have our grand-dog too - yippee - really, can't wait! I miss having a dog in the house. We've had some kind of animal since we were first married. After my yellow lab, Angel, died a couple years ago, Bob said no more until we move - especially for showing the house when it's up for sale - don't know when that will be.

My thought for today has been centered on regrets. Do you have regrets? Do you wish you had made a decision differently when it was in your control - but you made it one way and look back and regretted the choice.

I have several regrets, admittedly my choices were my decision without any pressure. The most recent was several years ago. I made a decision to go in a direction taking a job which seemed the safest at the time and with that came opinions about the previous job. I am easily led and have a big mouth. I regret my actions so much because I lost a good friendship. There was a lot to this particular experience, but I know in my heart how I behaved, what I did and what I said was tacky. I am gullible. Now I am living with a guilty conscience. I have attempted to patch it up, but it's not happening. This was one of those things where you learn the lesson to be responsible for what you say and to guard your opinions because they can come back to haunt you.

Busy Monday here in our household. Beautiful sunny day out, temps up near the 70s. Gathering things to give to Charity - we have lots of things we need to clear out and I don't do yard sales. Clear outs are my focus this week. Need to clean out the spring flower beds too. The spring bulbs have about four inch growths on them and there's winter debris around them which is a distraction. Bob and I will work together today to accomplish a few enjoyable necessary tasks.

Hope you are all well and life is good where ever you are. May God bless you abundantly with good health and a great day. Take care.

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

It's 8 AM, just finished watching our usual Sunday morning program and now Bob is taking out the trash and will feed the birds, then back to bed. We woke up and GOT up at 3:30 this morning - it is the craziest thing. I guess it's a bad habit we've started but when you're retired and have no where to go, who cares, it really doesn't make any difference how many naps you take or how long you sleep.

Since Christmas, it's been pretty quiet around here - Bob did have to get up and out of the house early when we was taking his radiology treatments, but they are finished. And the treatments made him extremely tired, so there was a reason for the weariness, but normally, it's just a "whatever' kind of lazy environment around here.

Our Valentine's day has started off differently than any of the others in the past - there's no chocolates, no flowers - although we did buy a potted mum plant to replace one that passed away and he wanted to leave it on the table "to enjoy" for awhile - he said. We're not going out to eat, but I do plan on cooking him pancakes if he will prepare the rest - he likes a big breakfast, I don't. So, that is our agreement, and I'll see about the rest of the day and maybe come up with something special for dinner. I'll have to check out the freezer for ribs or something.

It looks like spring outside and it is a beautiful day. There are lots of birds hanging around, feeding and doing their spring thing. We started walking finally. I am a disaster at exercising. I use to go to the gym and do aerobics for an hour then ride the exercise bike for 30 minutes. Heck now I'm lucky to walk it around our part of our acre property that is vacant twice without breathing hard. Of course, we both still have the knee problems which we haven't done anything about yet, but if we take it easy it's okay. I am making a concerted effort to change my activity this spring and with Bob's support, I will succeed. Knee surgery is on hold for both of us - for now.

We did buy lovely Valentine's cards for each other although it was at the same time, at the same store. Boy, that was uncomfortable and sort of funny! He had to leave the area as I searched and I had done the same for him. After we got home I had Kevin take Bob's card out of the bag so Bob could hide it. Seems sort of goofy! We haven't exchanged the cards yet - probably over pancakes this morning - oh, he did suggest going out for coffee and Crispy Creme donuts for breakfast, but I declined, rather eat at home.

I hope you have a lovely day! Take care and God bless.

Computers are Frustrating Machines!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

In the grand scheme of life, there are several goals I am striving to achieve in my lifetime. A couple I have my doubts of reaching but one task at hand, today, here and now, within reach is driving me nuts. Just when I think I've got a good handle on it, yeikes! something else stands in my way. This isn't for everyone. Some of my friends will think this is so boring. Those who know me well wouldn't be surprised but would most likely run away in the opposite direction. I don't have any friends to interact with on this either, even hubby is in the dark and for the most part, I'd rather he stay out of it. I know I have written recently how wonderful he is, but there are dark sides of our relationship - disagreements on how some things should be handled, dealt with, done, ended, stopped. Computers is a very huge sore spot between us - he has his and I have mine - he is absolutely positively not permitted to touch my computers. He puts a curse on my stuff. We have different ideas, so to be safe no, nadda, nil.

Ok, so you've probably come to the conclusion it is a computer related thing, yes, that's correct! For ever and ever, I have wanted to achieve organizing my photos in some type of filing system on one computer. Seems simple enough but I have blotched it up so many times - I didn't need Bob's help either. DON'T say it - no, I am not asking for his help.......no way!

So now I have this new laptop, I've gathered all my memory cards and sticks and back ups and copied everything important from my other HP tower which still has Vista - I am going to install Windows 7 on it and want to get all my important data and photos off it just in case - they do recommend that in the instructions. I have recognized my "doo-doo" mistakes throughout the years and realized that I have copied numerous photo over and over numerous times, so I have umpteen duplicated copies of MANY photos.

Unfortunately to my huge disappointment I discover this computer has at least three different photo programs and the one that pops up to show the photos from my memory card is horrible - its installed HP programs. I've tried everything to find where I can change the default without any luck - they do this on purpose, I think, to keep us crazy. Oh, my Holy Mother of God, Our Father, who art in Heaven, please help me!!! Nothin is simple! Then I found my Canon camera CD with a photo program on it and installed it, thinking it should be the best, wrong! holy cow, it was so complicated, even I couldn't figure it out - it was my best guess the program was for advanced photographers which I am not. I just want a simple, but good photo program that will help me catalog my photos appropriately. I have discovered a way to open my photos at last in the program I want but it is time consuming and I know it should be easier than this.

At this point, I have decided to take the time and attempt to sort out the duplicated photos and delete then copy every photo onto the portable media drive I have which holds 350 gigs and that's a lot of photos.

I remember the days when we put our photos in Family albums - remember the day of Kodak 200 speed film, and then came CDs, oh yes, I have loads of them too but at least I have photos from the CDs. Today we have the opportunity to save our photos on the Internet, but in my opinion not everything is safe on some Internet technical storage format somewhere out there in the universe. I do like Picasa - a Google storage format, but with the insecurity of our economical market and the possibility that Google could be sold, I don't want to trust anyone with my photos or any priceless information.

I have to find a hiding place for all my little digital memory thingies, a place I won't forget where I've put them. The advantage of the Portable media Drive is that it has a carrying case plus fits into the HP tower computer for backing up data, with connectors for all computers for back up too.

We've put selling the house on the back burner for now. Bob's cancer treatments are finished and he has a check up which will tell us where he stands with that. Getting knee surgery is next on the list, but I will wait for Bob to get his done. I'm going no where with a diet - too much stress and worry. The kids will be home in June and maybe then we'll know what we'll do about the house situation. We are looking on the realtor.com website on the Internet for homes everyday and until something jumps out and knocks us out, we're here for the duration and I'll be at this computer trying to straighten out the mess I've gotten my photos into.

If anyone out there in Blogville has a suggestion for a good photo program for cataloging --- please, help!!!!

God bless you all. Take good care, keep warm and keep safe.

What do you want for Valentine's Day?

2010-02-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

Or better yet - what value do you or your lover put on Valentine's Day and how you celebrate?

Hubby and I were just now chatting about Valentine's Day, actually I brought it up, wondering out loud when it was. I was having a memory lapse and couldn't remember what today's date was and when was Valentine's Day. Ok! so it's next Sunday, what now? I apprehensively glance over at him. He is sitting in his chair to the right of me about ten feet away working on his laptop computer while we watch the CBS Sunday Morning program, we never miss it, and I ask him the $24,000.00 question "what are we going to do for Valentine's Day?" His response............silence. Typical....after 45 years, I know it's up to me. He is not the "surprise ya!" kind of guy.

Oops! but then I remember, I already have his Valentine's gift. It wasn't wrapped up in pretty red paper with a giant bow, in fact, it came in a cardboard box with a handle. I was thinking what is one woman's diamond is another's set of sheets, although I prefer pearls over diamonds. And, for sure, not every woman would be so satisfied with my gift that came in a cardboard box, unwrapped. So, I ask "What appeals to you?" What would really set you off and make you ooohhhhh and aaahhhh when you open your Valentine's Day gift? Even you guys, being serious of course - I think of giving my husband a nice cooked meal or going out for dinner to his favorite spot, we don't exchange gifts on Valentine's Day, so I don't have to scan my brain wondering what to give him. I wonder why it's all about the female. Seems sort of one sided. We do exchange cards. He is difficult to buy for, he is the guy who has everything. I'll have to think on that one.

We moved from our designated sitting sites in the living room to the kitchen table for breakfast and now Bob has left the area and is off to take his morning nap - we're retired, but even on Sundays he has routine naps. The area on his forehead where he was receiving radiation treatments for cancer looks good. I hope it is healed on the inside. I don't know how the doctors know just by looking.

Bob has given me many gifts in our years together. He struggles to pick out just the right one. He says I am difficult to choose for and I know it is because we have different tastes. As I've gotten older I face the reality of our differences. It must be realized there's more to love than gifts and the words on greeting cards although the words are true and everlasting and at times necessary to hear.

Today he is very gifted in giving and caring for the simple comfort in life. I waited on him "hand and foot" when we were young - because I wanted to. I catered to his every need because I wanted to make him happy. If it sounds icky and too mushy, it is, but it worked for us. Now, today he cares for me. I have medical needs and I don't have to ask twice or ask at all, he is there, he can predict. He does so willingly, with a very caring heart and a beautiful smile. He would do anything for me - and I know our devotion and dedication from day one has paid off. He needed me when I was young and strong to be his strength and at his side, today as I have lost my vitality I have his strength and devotion as I grow old.

His gift in a cardboard box came from one of our favorite stores. We were shopping for a few items only a few days ago and came across it at the end of the counter. It is something he knew I thought about getting eventually after a few bills were paid off. He said he couldn't resist the glistening and pitiful foreboding begging look in my eyes especially when I saw the price and knew the value plus the warranties - yes, I am thoughtful of those things. He nodded yes, and I think the excitement vibrated through the rest of the store - I have no proof of that but it felt that way to me. I grinned through the remainder of the shopping trip and couldn't wait to get home to open my cardboard box. I had to share my happiness with every employee I saw until the last when I actually picked it up from that special holding place. Jubilee, yippee!

My special Valentine's Day gift was a laptop computer, the one I'm typing on - with Windows 7 - now that is so exciting to me. Bob and I share many things together and he understands how I enjoy having a top notch working machine and it matters to me. I can't wear it around my neck or on my finger, but I do use it from early morning to late evening for all sorts of tasks. This is the best gift of all - finally a computer with Windows 7!

So, speaking as a well traveled been around the block sweetheart, Valentine's Day is so very nice for the young, but when you have years behind you, having a lover who knows your needs and provides your desires when needed, Valentine's Day is everyday.

Fiddle-Faddling around.....

2010-02-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday morning around 9AM, watched the morning news and the weather channel, then did Facebook, Farmtown and Farmville and emails. I was surprised to read my friends posts from west Kentucky and surrounding areas post on Facebook they have 8 inches of snow. All I'm seeing on the Weather Channel is Washington DC and their snow fall.

I do get aggravated with the regular cable Weather Channel sometimes, then neglect the weather in the west and are more partial to only the east coast. So here we go again - they left out the mid west. Don't they realize there are plenty of people and weather there in that region of the U S!!! Get real folks at the Weather Channel!!! Hello!

There is total cloud cover in the Las Vegas Valley right now. I can imagine Mt. Charleston is covered with snow, which is a good thing. Our trees are barren but there have been as many as 50 birds resting in the three trees in the back yard. I'm watching it drizzle and I know there is a bigger rain heading our way. When I write about our rain I feel guiltily weird because some of you may have gotten more than your share and I wonder if you are thinking "what's up with that?" Well we've been in a real drought situation. Our Lake Mead is drying up. We need more than one season of rain to fill it back up to the level it was years ago, so that's kinda why I talk about it often.

Bob and I are home alone this weekend. At this moment, the only noise in the house is the air blowing through the heater vents. It is lovely. I can hear the rain falling outside and the birds singing. I enjoy peace and quiet. I love my kids and grand kids deeply, but I cherish the quiet! Bob, for some reason, likes to have the TV on with no sound - personally I like no TV - no distractions.

On a different level - what are your plans and hopes for this year? Do you have something special to look forward to? Will you travel? Or, are you in a conundrum of sorts with so many things to sort out that some days you feel like you'll never get it straight?

I'm like that right now - in a conundrum of decision. In my lifetime, I've never been in this state of mind, is it my age, the situation, too many people involved therefore too many considerations? I never worried about the too many people before, it just all seemed to work out, but it seems like the end with this decision, finality. The last one, so it has be to good. It is a heavy worry weight that I can't get a grip on to solve. Maybe it isn't time yet to solve the problems. I've always trusted in God and knew He was guiding me in all my decisions. There was a peace about it, I knew the decision was right. It's almost like He's telling me to sit still, there's something more to happen, there's more to it, just wait. But, sometimes I have a fear that maybe I'll be too late. I am concerned about our future as so many are today. I know we could screw up badly then be in the poor house if we don't act, but then maybe not - maybe acting impulsively is wrong, maybe that's why the feeling of "wait!" Nothing is falling in place - if it was right, it always did, and it worked. Not today, there always seems to be something new come into the picture of our life.

I complain and grumble about my life, but I am blessed. I see some friends - not all - believe me I wouldn't have wanted to walk in their shoes either any more than they would have wanted to walk in mine and I don't mean that in a negative obnoxious way - but a couple of friends have succeeded to the top in their career field and have had the freedom to travel. I chose another direction of being a stay at home mom. I worked sometimes and after the kids grew up, I had several different and wonderful jobs and attended college all of which helped me realize I had it where I needed it - the creativity and smarts - and if I had to, or needed to work, I could find a job. My life choice was to care for my husband and my family's needs. I'm not saying that working mothers aren't dedicated and wonderful at what they do. I know many women who could handle it all - but for my husband of now 45 years, I knew what he liked, for him this was the route I choose, I knew what was required, no words spoken, I just sensed it.. So I get upset with myself sometimes for thinking about the other direction I could have gone. If I had failed to follow my heart which was and is my love, all things would have been different.

With that thought in mind ----through our belief and trust in God, does our faith instilled us with a "homing device" which is connected to HIM and through that connection we are led in the direction which best serves HIM to love and be a better person?

Waking up with a headache

2010-02-04T06:42:00.000-08:00

Good morning! How are you today? Have you had your coffee or tea yet? Breakfast? It's early in our home but not as early as we usualy get up - thank goodness! I don't understand why we wake up so early and I know it can't be for a cup of fresh coffee. I'd received many comments from friends who are retire - especially woman - who wake up everyday around 4AM. I know when I have to get up and I don't want to, I can sleep, so wondering if it could be a mind over matter psychology! I haven't had my first cup of coffee. I know it will help with the headache which almost feels like a hangover headache, but unfortunately there's no reason for a hangover!

Bob's still having symptoms of being so tired after radiation treatments were ended. It is very difficult for him mentally to adjust to these feelings. He is comforted by the fact there is nothing pressing for him to do so he naps peacefully and often. There's something to be said about retirement without strings and obligations.

I have not done any "homework" on this cancer thing so I know dit-squat about this. It must be part of getting senile since any type of motivation to check it out is nil. I don't want to push it aside with the thought "ah, there's nothing wrong" because that could result in a huge breakdown in the end not being prepared. As I posted previously, I cried thinking of losing him. After that post, I cried for several more days. I'm all cool now - I think its a matter we need to get out and do something.

As you know if you follow my blog, my son and granddaughter live with us. Alex is nine years old and very active. She's on the Honor Roll, enrolled in a drama class and a reading class held early in the morning once a month - she really needs and enjoys the extra activity. My son still hasn't found a job and his car got repossessed. We only have one vehicle since my husband retired, so you can see the situation. Alex has the brightest disposition. She is in the preteen stage of a little girl life. She does things like sing and dance around her room, when Kevin pops his head in she screams at the top of her lungs. Kevin is getting a taste of the reaction to come from a little girl growing up and wanting her privacy. She does have a girlfriend and they talk on the telephone everyday. It is so cute. I know, it's not really "cute" but it is special because Alex needs to have contacts beyond our home. My son is sort of possessive parent without a partner to help and he keeps her close at hand. Her girlfriend is a sweet girl and her parents are responsible. It's a good thing.

Yesterday she wore a really cute blue sweater that Bob and I bought her for Christmas. She looked adorable. After school, having changing her clothes, I noticed she had her sweater rolled up under her arm, she was heading out the door with Uncle Don and her dad. They were heading out to the laundromat to wash large items. I asked her about the sweater and then she showed me - it was stained with tye-dye dark blue color. Not in a specific design, but straight across the waistline with splatters of dark blue all over the front of the light blue sweater - so much so the sweater instantly was downgraded from a dressy outfit to a play outfit.
I've tried to wash the tye-dye ink out without success - I think that ink is made to last. If any readers have any ideas to help me get this stain out, I would welcome the suggestions.

No big plans for today except finish today what I didn't do yesterday and be thankful for what we have. I am grateful.

I hope all is well with your family. God bless you! Take good care.

Mostly cloudy

2010-02-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

The weather reports says it will be that - mostly cloudy, does the weather outlook sometimes relate to your disposition of the day?

For this cloudy day I don't mind because I know we need rain badly here in our area and with the clouds there may be rain to follow, for which I would be very grateful! And, too, we are very fortunate that it is well known the desert sun always shine. I've lived here for so long, I am not sure how I would adjust to the environment of no or partial sun most of the time. We've thought often of leaving this area but the dry heat and lack of tornadoes are a factor to me for not moving.

It is a mellow mood for the beginning of this Tuesday, Groundhog Day - who really believes in that groundhog anyhow - I can't put my brain around what is and what isn't - if he sees his shadow or doesn't, so what. What if there's six feet of snow on the ground and the sun is out does that mean spring is around the corner? I don't get it.

But, if you come to see my front yard, like I wrote yesterday, you would know for a fact spring is just around the corner here - maybe Jean's Yard would be a better predictor of spring that some goofy groundhog!!

Well, that's all I've got for today. Other than - do you know what you're going to do for the rest of your life? I know from the way I feel today I probably don't have long, but I've thought about taking some college English writing classes on line. I know my grammar could do with some work and writing is what I enjoy doing. I'll keep you informed.

Hope you have a wonderful day. Keep warm and dry - I noticed there's lots of rain in most parts of the United States today. May God bless you abundantly and may you feel His presence when you most need it! Take good care.

Not much happening......

2010-02-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

Sitting here watching winter sports on the TV with the sound off - do ever get tired of the noise? As I've written before there are several people who live here besides me and Bob, so there's always noise or so it seems. Sometimes you get to the point where you don't even hear anything, then all of a sudden it's like your brains wakes up and tells your ears "boy, it's noisy!" I guess I did that tonight. We're watching the Luge and a guy just slipped off his sled, slidding the snowy path, wheeee.

I love the downhill in skiing. The participants posturing is so beautiful. I also enjoy the speed skating - awesome. I guess I prefer the winter sports to the summer.

Bob has finished his radiation treatments but he's been very tired and not feeling in good spirits. It's all a part of the treatment, that's what I hear. Its okay because there's nothing pressing for him to worry about - I'm glad. If there was stuff to be done then he would really be upset. Sometimes things work out for the best although I wouldn't say being ill is for the best, but timing is everything - gee, that's bizarre. I am digging a deeper hole, so I'll just move on.

It's unreal to face the fact this is the first of February already. I accomplished some tasks in January but not enough certainly to brag about - but I stuck to my list and goals, so that's something. Valentine's Day will be here before I know it - I'd better get to the store and get Bob a card. I don't know if we'll do anything special, but we should. We spend so much time with our kids and grandkids that we do need to be alone, maybe a night at the Hampton Inn. There is a Hampton Inn near our Costco store, maybe we could go there - the Hampton Inn to spend the night, not the Costco, although Costco is Bob's favorite place to go!!! He doesn't feel like driving out of town right now. It would be a hoot!! It would seem more likely to go to one of the hotels on the strip but the Las Vegas strip will be packed on Valentine's day - its a big time for couples getting married.

I spotted two beautiful yellow crocus in the front flower bed and the hyacinths are popping out of the ground. We have so many robins and the doves and quails are eating the grass seed Bob scattered on the front lawn. Spring is right around the corner from our house.

I am pleased to announce through my Facebook postings and searches I located a grandson I haven't seen in over 10 years. His mother was disturbed with my son, the grandson's father, over money and before I knew it she stopped talking to me - this was right after my son Brian died too. I could never figure that one out because we had been good friends. I haven't heard anything from my grandson other than we are "friends" on Facebook and I am thankful for that - it's something for now.

I hope your life is good and you are well. May God bless you with His abundant blessings and keep you safe and healthy.

What's love got to do with it?

2010-01-26T19:34:00.000-08:00

Tears! Have you ever been so tore up, upset, and sad, you couldn't stop crying? It made me so ticked off when I am in public and I'm overcome with the thought of something so close to me and I burst out crying. I bite my tongue, hold my breathe and do anything else I can think of to make me stop shedding those tears.

You see, my husband has a cancer spot on his forehead. It has been diagnosed as a basal cell carcinoma. It is the most common cancer and treatable. He had his last radiation treatment today. The spot on his head from the treatment is redness about the size of a baseball with scabs from sores on the area. He did have the choice to have surgery and have the cancer area cut out, with the probably of having to have a skin graft. He decided to have the radiation treatment instead.

I believe the doctor and nurse - they seem very reliable. They say he has done fine and they will see him again in a month unless he feels the need to come in sooner. The only other side effect has been being very tired. He's retired and manages to get the tasks completed he wishes to complete, so it's no big deal for him to rest, play on his computer, or take naps. We have no pressing schedules around here.

The sadness overwhelms me when I think of being without him. We've been together almost 46 years. I joke I don't want to train another man, but in reality I don't want anyone else. When I saw him for the first time I thought he was gorgeous, then when we met and danced for the first time, it was magic. Within four and a half months we were married - and no, I wasn't pregnant. It was love, magic, genuine outrageous, marvelous love.

Today, I still enjoy watching him even though the energized walk he had as a young man has turned into a slow, sometimes wobble - yes, and to add, we both wobble these day - its those damn knees - you know, time for a total knee replacement, both of us. Old age, crap, why when we should be able to really enjoy our life.

I woke up a few years ago after he had retired and saw him in a different light, a different prospective, and I was surprised. When you are so busy raising your kids, helping your parents and grandparents, neighbors and being active in church, the days pass and sometimes you take your closest partner for granted - you don't want to, but it just happens. I realize he had a huge sense of humor. We have always laughed from the moment I met him, but I never stopped to realize how funny he was - I was shocked at myself for not realizing it. Our grandson made that remark recently. We had taken him and his girlfriend out to a German restaurant for dinner. Bob and I were being silly and we were cracking up laughing - I have a loud weird laugh, Bob's laugh is sweet but his face gets real red and tears explode from his eyes - humorous tears from laughter. Tom was so shocked, he and Tine were so surprised - they had to join in because it was so contagious. He had not seen Bob explode in tearful laughter before. Realizing the depth of his humor was only the tip of the iceberg, it is amazing how you can be married to the same person for so many years, yet still find out new things about that person.

One bond we have always had is a physical one of holding hands. He told me once it was sensual for him. There is something very tender and content in holding hands. I don't remember a time when we went anywhere that unconsciously we didn't hold hands - the contact, his guiding me, leading me, protecting me, his loving way. After all these years, I still enjoy touching him on his arm or kissing his cheek. Our kisses are still as tender and endearing as they were when we were young, maybe even more.

When you are old, life's moments have more meaning so it would be reasonable to say love is deeper and more meaningful. We are very lucky to have survived life's challenges and tragedies and are on a higher plateau than when we started as young lovers.

So, rightfully so, the mere thought of any possibility of an illness ever so slight that could take him away from me brings me to the brink of tears and there is no holding me back when the mood is right, there is no stopping the thoughts of my life without him. He is my right hand, left hand, and my man. I know, I know, life is life. But, I can't imagine life without him and I won't, so I let the tears fall as they may because its all I have right now. I am thankful for his presence and so grateful for the life he has given me. So, what's love got to do with it - everything, nothing less, the highest element of emotion all wrapped up in Love between two people.

Where has the time gone and what have I accomplished?

2010-01-25T18:02:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back I received a newsletter type of correspondence from a person that had been the president of our senior class from the school I graduated back in the 60s. At first I thought it was a letter requesting money or to inform me of a get together, but there were emotions behind the written words. It was odd because I had not ever received a personal type note from Pat.

As I read through the message I realized that he was reaching out to all who read to share the parting of one of our classmates. The revelation of a friend's death was written as a postscript and last sentence, but the mood of the note was remorseful. Pat expressed sadness without saying any word remotely resembling his mood. He reached out to all those who were having problems and difficulties this day.

The message that has fresh in my mind from the note was one sentence that reflected on past days, meditating on what was and what wasn't accomplished, dreams that never came true and the place where we have reached. When I was young in high school, I knew I wanted to get married and have children, but I didn't know what potential I had. I lacked the confidence to respond to my gifts. I did marry a wonderful man and we are still married going on 46 years. I was working at a successful position when we met and would have been upwardly mobile since at 19 I was a supervisor and instructor at the company I worked for at that time. But, love took me away, and before having children I had only one other job at a bank. It was an entry level position, but would have been a secure job. My husband had other ideas, and my mother taught me well to remain true to my husband so we were off, moving to many other places, other adventures, more children, challenges including running a farm.

Since receiving the note from Pat and feeling the depth of remorse about the loss of my friend and classmate, I have thought of what I have missed, I thought what my dreams really were, what could I have done had I taken a different path. I was not able to work at any job regardless of how good they were or how well I did the work because something always came up such as we moved, my husband needed me, or the last time I left a valuable job with great benefits because of my son. I also gave up taking college classes as was my goal to secure a college degree no matter how old I was.

The dreams at that time was not to be. One dreadful early morning a telephone call put a stop to it all and changed my life forever. My son had been injured in a non-combat accident while serving in Germany with the Army. From the year of 1989 through his passing in 2000, my life was totally dedicated to caring for him, raising the son of my daughter who was mentally unstable and hospitalized, plus keeping our home running smoothly for my husband and other two sons and other grandchildren. My husband and I worked together through it all.

Today I have missed out on financial benefits other girls I know will receive when they retire. The friends who have retired are receiving substantial income from all the years they worked. They have built a social life and are active in other aspects of life that I miss. These are my regrets of status and benefits that I could have achieved or accomplishments I would have reached.

After my son's death, my health deteriorated as though my body and soul were holding together to give him all his needs to help him survive the time on earth until God finally called Brian home to be with God. When he was gone, the hope left my physical being and I fell into despair for awhile. I know God gave me enormous strength to care for Brian and the same strength of love for our grandson who had many trials in school. I know a mother's love sees and senses beyond the surface and realizes potentials and needs that no other person can. Brian was a wonderful son with a great sense of humor, he was considerate and loved God and he played a mean game of tennis. I guess God had a tennis partner waiting for Brian. And even though it's been almost ten years in April, you never ever get over the loss of a child especially when you invest the time and hope to keep him alive - yes, giving up everything for him.

It is a Mother's ambition to give all to her children, every ounce of her soul, love and physical existence. I suppose this was my job in life and I should accept it and be satisfied. It was a gift to care for Brian and I am thankful I had that time with him. Our grandson has turned out to be a very fine human being and it my shinning light. He makes me smile and he is very considerate although forgetful.

I have realized we are given talents for many tasks in life. Is it a gold plaque or a check of a zillion dollars that give us our worth? If we have to chose between caring for a loved one to make his life better or committing to a job that may or may not make us happy in the end, which will be the most fulfilling in the end. To watch a child suffer when I could help over making an extra dollar would not be me. So, I have to admit that I have made the right choices.

These days I am rather morbid because I need total knee replacement and I've become lazy and lax but happy because my husband is right beside me and we are having a good time. We aren't accomplishing too many important things in our life right now. We do have dreams but there are other people in our life that have tapped into our space and require our time. It seems like we are back to ground zero just when we thought we would have time to be alone - can you imagine being married 46 years and never ever having a home to yourself, always someone in the house - it's hell on your sex life!!! Yes, people our age, especially since we love each other think about sex every once in awhile - but the walls are paper thin and we have a nine year old granddaughter living with us. Darn it!! Our son lives with us too and he is out of work and home all the time. Then there's the truck driving son who might drop in at any time. Oh, our grandson will be getting out of the Army and will be coming home with his girlfriend - did I mention we have a big home. We have to go to a motel for privacy. What a hoot!!!

By the way, it isn't my intentions to dwell on what could have been and not be thankful for what I have. God has given me the most wonderful husband. He takes care of me like I was a princess. He is sweet, kind, and a gentleman. Did I tell you he has the best sense of humor of anyone I know or have known - when we laugh, it ain't just a tis-tis tickle, but a huge belly laugh that's unforgettable. He is my miracle and the reason I am on this earth. He is my reason for being - he and my children, grandchildren and those to follow. I've always known there's nothing more important than family. I am grateful even through all the challenges, defeats, and successes. Whatever gifts God has given me He presented me with tasks He knew were custom made for me and no one else. I believe we all have a task to accomplish before we are called to our Heavenly Home.

Sometimes it takes a letter from a stranger to bring out the reality of life and light the candle of awareness to God's graces.

It's raining, it's pouring, I'm so glad!

2010-01-20T19:20:00.000-08:00

We haven't had this much rain in the southwest desert of Nevada in years - we are desperately dry and need the rain badly.

Bob and I are Midwesterners when rain comes at the most inopportune times and most of the times unwelcome. Until you live in a area where the possibility of having no water in your future, rain takes on a different concept. I am puzzled when I hear the weatherman say "don't worry, the rain will stop by tomorrow" when they know full well we need it to rain for days.

We have a back porch/patio that is screened in. We don't have mosquitoes or pesty bugs like Midwest cities, but we do have flies, and that's about all. We live in a rural area where most of our neighbors have horses and they attract the flies if the owners don't the corrals cleaned up. So, that's basically why Bob screened in the porch to protect son Brian from critters. Brian was in a wheelchair. His room exits onto the back porch area - it was pleasant to leave the doors opened for Brian to get fresh air. Brian was 100% disabled. He passed away almost 10 years ago.

As I was mentioning the rain a few sentences ago, I thought about the other night when I went outside to listen to the rain falling. When you are fortunate to live in an area where rain is normal, I believe you take it for granted. We appreciate the sound, smell, and aura that comes with this gift from heaven. It is a blessing to sit out on the back porch, protected from the raindrops yet involved with the wetness since you can't escape the dampness that permeates the surrounding area. Humidity is something we forget about living in the desert but it comes naturally with the rain. And, with the humidity on a cool night, the temperature is even cooler or colder than it would be if it was a dry weather night. Our arthritis is bothering us, so we contribute that to the rain, but we wouldn't complain because we miss this blessing too much.

Yes, it is a blessing to us. We need so many days of rain to fill our needs and make everything right, so we thank God for what He gives us and let Him know we appreciate all the blessings He bestows on us everyday.

What's my name!

2010-01-06T21:39:00.000-08:00

I've neglected blogging for so long that I've forgotten my names and passwords - duh! I've been addicted to Facebook with it's Farmtown, Farmville, and my Happy Aquarium. Really intellectual!

Did you have a nice Christmas season? The Sullivan's - be that as they are - were all together and we had a blast. Unfortunately, we are small in numbers but big on laughs and fun. Bob and I grocery shopped several times just to make sure we would have plenty of food in the house for everyone. Now I am so strapped for cash, I can't go to a grocery store for a couple of weeks. No, just kidding.

We cut back on gifts this year due to the requirement we put upon ourselves of getting the house ready to sell. We had expenses like painting the interior, putting in new landscaping, new garage doors, and next will be a new rug in the computer/grandkids room. I don't have a problem cutting back on my expenditures because I feel very fortunate for what we have to start out with and I always make sure I can pay my bills first before buying anything.

The year ended in our household with major health problems - I hope not a fore-boding for us Senior Citizens. Just when we were hoping to be free travelers, escaping down the highway of life with what's left of our hair blowing in the wind - a ha, just kidding. Husband Bob found out he has cancer on his forehead. He's had our physician look at it and treat it for some time, but we finally decided to go to a dermatologist. It's like "I should have had a V-8!" Why didn't we go sooner. They wanted to cut it out, but told Bob he could have radiation instead of a hole with possibly probably skin graft - so he's been taking radiation treatments for a couple of weeks now. It will last another several weeks. That place on his forehead is red - worrisome to me. When my Aunt had radiation, they stopped the treatments when it got red - but this doctor just gave Bob ointment which he says help. Who do you trust????

Bob is a very handsome man, but he's not vain - and he says he's not concerned about any scaring - just didn't want a hole. The cancer is not the real serious type, but is there any cancer that's not a real serious type.

I've talked about our knee problems before and they haven't gotten any better in fact, I'm worse. But, we've agreed for Bob to go first - he also needs both knees replaced and we're waiting on some approval or disapproval paperwork from the government. Our insurance will cover but we are covering our butts with extra paperwork so that it doesn't come back to bite us. Bob is a workaholic even though he's slowed down in his old age, but he needs to be busy, I don't care now, but I am still called upon to do chores.

Selling the house is on hold, I think, until after the surgeries for both of us. Soldier Tom gets out of the Army in June and he and his gal and granddog Peanut will be coming back here to live and go to college - so for a short time we will have more boarders. We don't know whether to buy a bigger house or move into a Senior Citizen's development where no one under 55 can live!! That would be running away from the needy!!!! Our son and granddaughter are with us still.

I don't know what I would do if anything happened to my husband. We are hooked at the hip! We aggravate each other in depth, but we have so much fun. He is the best kisser in the whole wide world - and I've kissed a lot of guys in my younger years - never went any further passed the kissing - was a different time when I grew up but I didn't have to, because I knew when I met Bob, he was the one and the only.

In this New Year, politics are a changing! The War is changing. Weather is a changing - glad I live here in the west except for the serious water shortage. We lived through the bitter cold on the farm in Kentucky - ice storms and all. We all pay our toil though.

Well, just dropped in to say "howdy" and hope you had a good Christmas. Hope the New Year will be good for you in all ways - good health, success, hope you are fine economically, and spiritually. May God bless you and keep you safe always.

Now what?

2010-01-04T11:43:00.000-08:00

Today we took Tom, Tine, and our grand dog Peanut, to the airport. They left only two hours ago, but already it seems so boring and too quiet. Bob is on his computer dedicated to his dutiful assignment on Facebook - farming on Farmtown and Farmville, cleaning fishtanks on several aquariums and other topics of his interest. Yes, I do have my Farm and fishtank, but I try to allow a certain time frame for that stuff. I don't want it to be the be-end all of everything I do. As you can tell because is has been a long time since I've blogged, I've been attracted to other things, like it or not!

I started getting things ready for Christmas before Thanksgiving because I just don't work fast at my age and my knees are giving me a lot of pain. We did have a wonderful holiday season with all that kids and grandkids available being here. Tom and Tine are so much fun to have around and we loved having their dog with us. She is well behaved and has the same temperament as Tine. It was a nice celebration.

I am now starting to take down the inside decorations. I've also started throwing all the fattening snack foods we had in for the family - and Bob and I which we enjoyed beyond exclamation! It's back on our protein diet, and I must admit we did gain back what we lost. I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of weeks, and I'll be a huge chicken and postpone for a couple extra weeks just to get these pounds off before getting on the scale in his office. I hate that part of the visit!!!!

As I contemplated which decorations I would pack up first this morning, it occurred to me, what next? It's always a big deal planning for Christmas - the food, decorations, who will be here and what gifts to buy, not to mention the house cleaning all all the rest of the next stuff. I do enjoy it so much. Once the lights come down it seems so dreary although its not as dreary here in the desert southwest as it is in the mid west and east where it is so desperately cold and barren. We still have leaves on our trees and roses on the bushes. I remember the below zero temperatures very well, something one doesn't forget especially if you have the responsibility of making sure the farm animals have water in the freezing weather. This means chopping holes either in the pond or in the water tank unless you have a water tank heater that works well.

Making a New Years Resolution would go hand in hand with what's next in my life. I purchased Windows 7 to install on my main computer. I have had to use every ounce of patience I have to deal with the problems I've endured with Vista. Now I have to plan when I will do the installation so I have time and will not be interrupted because I am anticipating it will take thinking and concentration to do. I'll back up stuff first just to protect what I have. Gosh, I hope it this program works better than Vista.

I have a china cabinet that has dust growing on dust - its shameful that I haven't had the ambition to clean it. It is on the top of my list of resolutions of to-dos and I can pack up some things that aren't appropriate there, or things I want to give away. I know Tom & Tine will want some things for their place when they move back here.

Tom has decided not to re-enlist in the Army. He and Tine will come back here and go to college. She will continue on with her nursing program and he will get back into the EMT program he started before joining the Army.

It will be difficult to plan financially for the future in view of the passing of the health care bill in Washington and the other bills as well. I am concerned with what amount if any they will take from my social security check. I made the choice to be a stay at home mom most of my married life even though I have had excellent jobs first off before I met my husband, then, before Brian's accident when I was working and going to college. I was left with no pension and just a pittance of social security to show. Ah, yes, I have my husbands to fall back on, but well, it would have been nice. I hope we are coming out of the recession and the cost of real estate will level, as we are thinking of putting the house up for sale. Although, at this point we will still be looking for a large place not a small one as I had hoped. It must be our destiny! I believe there is a path set up for us the minute we are born and how we follow the path determines our frame of mind and lifestyle and probably happiness. It is better not to be angry or upset when things are going right, sometimes there's not much you can do about it.

So, that's where it is today. I must get back to blogging and catching up with the other bloggers. It is fun and interesting, and I have missed being apart of this world.

God bless you all and take good care. Sending you best wishes for a very Happy New Year.

Holy Mollie! I can't believe it!

2009-12-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

I have been so delinquent in my blogging tasks! I am now active daily on Facebook and totally connected to FarmTown and so is my husband - he keeps me busy harvesting his crops. I prefer to mess around decorating my farm. They made the Christmas stuff available to "buy" with the "coins" or give as "gifts" so I have gone kookoo decorating. Silliest thing I've ever done, I think, maybe.

So here it is the 6th of December. I am in the holiday mood. Soldier Tom and his gal Tine (Tina - but spelled Tine as in Christine) will be coming home for Christmas and they are bringing their dog Peanut and I am so excited!!!! I miss Tom so much. He is so much fun to have around - never a dull moment when he's home. His gal Tine is a lot of fun too. She is an absolutely wonderful cook and likes to do stuff for our family - isn't that terrific!!!! When they asked if they could bring Peanut home with them, I said yes instantly - although I did pause and ask Bob, but it didn't matter because I wanted to see Peanut. I miss having a pet. We have had a dog or cat or lots of dogs and cats and farm animals my whole married life - the first time was when Bob brought home a little black kitten right after we were married. So, after my dog - Angel, a yellow lab, died about two years ago, Bob said no more pets until after we move from this house. It is a good idea, but I can't help but miss having a pet. So, I am so excited. In fact, there is one gift under the tree right now and it is for Peanut!!!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving - I hope you did too. The kids were here and I worked my butt off and after we ate I collapsed. I've mentioned I think in previous blogs that I need total knee replacement on both knees but have decided to postpone the surgery until after the first of the year. I figure if I have strenuous work to do, if I relax and take my pain pills before that time, then work my butt off when necessary, then relax after then I can endure the pain and that is how I am getting through the holiday preparations. There's just so much work to do and so little time - I hate this being "sort of disabled" I really do - so you have to make hay when the sunshines, put a smile on your face and go for it - - whatever works. I love the Christmas holidays so much - it is exciting, energetic, and happy. I get angry when my family are all grumpy and tell them "bah humbug! and really get on their case. So far that is working - but I have to pick and chose my moments to accuse them of being downers! or I would be in big trouble and that would defeat my purpose.

As I mentioned, I have been playing around with Facebook. I have connected up with many of the kids I went to Catholic grade school and two years of Catholic high school with - most I grew up with until I moved away with my parents from Ohio to Las Vegas when I went into the 11th grade here. It was a very difficult change for me. I loved the high school I was going to and was getting good grades. The teachers at the Catholic high school in Vegas were good, but the attitude out here was different than the midwest. Totally different environment, I didn't do as well in my studies as I had been - regretfully, my fault, totally, but being a teenager what are you going to do. I had great parents, it wasn't their fault, I just made some bad decisions. I went right to a full time job after graduation and did excellent at that job, then met Bob and that's a whole other story which I've told a time or too in my blog. But, here we are back to meeting up with old friends. It is very interesting hearing about their life after not seeing or hearing from some of then for over 40 years. I look forward to getting back to Ohio again and getting together with them, although there are some who live in other places too - so who knows!!!

We are going shopping later - we went to WalMart last night - something we never ever do - it was a miracle to get us out of the house after dark... Like we must have gone mental or something. We are so reclusive now and I really hate it!!! I know hate is a strong word, but howdy do - that's how I feel. I would love to entertain, but there are situations in our family right now, and well, nevermind!!! I will entertain one of these days - just have to wait until Tom and Tine come home - his friends always pop in - and I love everyone of them. Should be a fun time!!!

So, that's it for now. I hope you and your family are well and are getting into the Christmas spirit. We can't forget the reason for this spirit and give thanks to Our Father for all the blessings He has given us even in this distressful time for our economy. It has hit our family too, but we have to give thanks for what we do have. We say thank you Lord for our loving family and our warm home!

Take good care. May God bless you with abundant grace to find your way through your problems, and give you blessings to make you smile!

They say it happens in "3s"

2009-11-25T12:25:00.000-08:00

It is an absolutely beautiful day before Thanksgiving. It's quiet in the house for the time being - I am grateful for the quiet times and too, for the times when the family's all here laughing and talking about whatever is on their mind. I know that life is short and we never know what tomorrow will bring.

However, today was the day of two bad announcements - one was sort of expected, and the other was inevitable, I think! The first, my son who is not working came in and said his car was being repossessed. The truck was here to pick it up, but some legal matters gave him the opportunity to wait a day or two - - don't ask me, I've never had this problem and I'd rather not know anymore than that! We are not in a position to help him financially - he knew this was possible, and today was the day. It is very alarming to me although I am quiet about it but maybe he will get off his butt and do something. As a retired person on limited income, adult children can't depend on parents to rescue them every time they get in a mess. Living in my home and helping with a grandchild is plenty help, in my humble opinion.

The second shoe to hit the floor was also expected - Bob got the call this morning from the Skin Cancer doctor's office - and yes, the sore on his face he had checked and biopsied last week, is cancerous. I know it is a simple procedure to go in and cut the cancer out as an outpatient in the doctor's office. Bob's grandfather had the same problem. He did later develop more serious cancer in another area, but I don't think it was linked.

So, needless to say, what started out as a very pleasant day, has Bob very upset - probably more upset about our son than his own condition. I'm trying to be as up beat as can be, not being upset so that we can have a nice family get together over turkey tomorrow.

Such is life, sometimes we are the source and reason for our problems and sometimes, it just is what it is. I don't know what my son will do - but it is up to him to deal with it. As far as Bob, we will do what we have to do. His appointment is in two weeks to see the surgeon.

Tom and Tine will be home on the 23rd and I can't wait to see them. Christmas decorations will go up soon and Christmas cards will soon be in the mail - no! I haven't started writing them yet, but I do intend to get them out early this year and not at the last minute like I usually have the past couple of years.

Hope you are having a good day and all is well at your place. Please keep our family in your prayers, I would really appreciate it! God bless!

The turkey's thawing

2009-11-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

I had Bob pull the big bird out of the freezer this morning and leave him (the turkey not Bob) on top of the freezer - its very cold in that room. I'm never really sure where and how long to thaw that bird, but we've never gotten sick in all the years I've cooked a turkey. Don will be in town tomorrow and Suz will come over Thursday morning. It will be strange without Tom, but he's got Tine and they are going to an Army friend's home for dinner.

I sent them a box of goodies on Saturday - priority and they received it today. Imagine that - all the way to North Carolina, great mail service. Tom said it seemed like he did when he got a box of stuff in Iraq. He has a girlfriend now, so I know he is taken care of and I don't think of sending him stuff now. She is a good cook too and has gotten him involved in the kitchen as well, but I think he is enjoying it too. I am glad! He's very independent which is a good thing. They will be home for Christmas with Peanut the dog too - can't wait to see all three.

Too many difficult health thingies going on around here between Bob and I all totaled together - too many things!!! All you youngins out there reading this who are healthy, be thankful, enjoy life, and take good care of yourself. As you get older stuff happens like arthritis and other weird things that slow you down and believe it - it can get ugly. Bob and I get so aggravated we have slowed down. He's still got a lot of spunk and keeps really busy, I can't keep up with him.

I've been in the cooking mood which isn't good for the diet we set out on. One thing strange happened today - I forgot how to make my mom's vegetable soup. I've been making it for over 45 years. I forgot to buy the most important ingredient - a soup bone - and rather than go back to the store I decided to just use beef broth - well, it ain't the same thing. Bob loved the soup. It was thick and he likes his soup that way, but I didn't care for it at all, I know it was because I didn't make the broth from scratch.....I've decided I need to write down the recipes I've made from memory before I really get forgetful. Tom asked for my chili recipe and I forgot how I made it. Ooo no - senility is setting in!!!!! I'm the type of cook that has a basics foundation then adds what I want as I go along.

Well, gotta go - we've been watching "Dancing with the Stars" - and it's on now - the finale!!! I can't believe Bob has gotten interest in this show, but I'm really glad. He's a SyFy guy. I really do think Donny Osmond should have left last week - I thought that tall blond beautiful model was a better dancer, but I guess Donny had more votes because of his star power.

Hope you and your family are well. Take good care.

Some things do happen for a reason

2009-11-19T18:24:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm repeating myself and perhaps said this in a previous posting, but you know, it does happen sometimes. When you can't figure out why plans aren't working out appropriately, maybe there's a reason. I guess when it's all said and done we have to follow our "gut" and go with the flow where it's leading ya!

I was so disappointed I couldn't make a trip to Ohio to see my very favorite Aunt who is very ill. She is my mom's sister and we have been buddies since I was a really little kid. When my mom died back in 1986, my Aunt and I seemed to become even closer and became really good friends. Even as sick as she is, we always have a big laugh about something silly when we talk on the telephone - every time.

As it has happened, my hubby went to a skin doctor yesterday and he may have skin cancer. We should have taken care of this long ago, but we've been trying to heal it with methods that have worked before, but not with this spot. The skin doc's opinion was it was cancer, but it will take two weeks for the biopsy to come back. My hubby's grandfather had skin cancer and it was taken care of without anything serious resulting. Bob isn't worried but we are concerned. I hope we haven't waited too long.

So, had we gone on the trip, this is one appointment we wouldn't have made.

The week has been successful and we've gotten a lot done around the place getting the house in order for the holidays. I have all the stuff purchased for Thanksgiving dinner except for the pumpkin pie and we'll get that next week from Costco. Bob and I worked downstairs and straightened up the rooms - sorted out the boxes which were stacked all in the center of the room so the painters could do the walls and ceiling. We moved the ping pong table to a more appropriate space and I'll rearrange the other boxes and furniture to a comfortable arrangement so the kids can have fun downstairs. I love to play ping pong, but the table has been put up for a couple months as we are so slow getting to our projects. With Tom and Tine coming for Christmas and Don will be here too, and Suz, the kids will enjoy playing. So glad we got that done.

My total knee replacement surgery is totally on the back burner. Don't know where I'll get to it now. Bob's knees are hurting him worse than mine - but he works harder than me as he is a self-appointed workaholic. Me, I take it easier than he does, although he does take more naps than I do. Our dieting started out fabulous for two months, then we fell off the wagon for a few days. Holy cow, it's been tough getting back on that baby!!!! We're trying hard together to follow the routine we did at first because it worked.

Well, I'd better get in the living room with Bob. We bought Star Trek, the new movie, today. There doesn't seem to be anything worth watching on TV tonight, so we'll watch that.

Hope you and your family are all well. Take good care. God bless.

Choices

2009-11-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

When does it stop, if ever? Responsibility and common sense. Is there ever a time when one can just be free and have no responsibility or worries? I remember a time when I was young, first married, and we moved so many times from one part of the U. S. to the other - just because. My husband had no fear and he could do anything, a jack of all trades sort of guy. This is not anything I wanted, but it was what my spouse wanted and I was raised by "old school" and did what my man wanted (as long as it was legal, of course). I am at a time in my life of being an old lady and some days feel as though I have lost some of my "marbles." There are challenges and choices. I am having difficulties making up my mind. I wonder if it's because for such a long period of time the choice and decision of so many things were not really up to me - the bottom last word was his, my main man. Ah, never thought of that! Could that be the answer to my struggle, could that be the reason I wain and can't make a choice? Oh, that's too easy.

Being responsible verses throwing caution to the wind and doing what I would really like to do is compared to having one of my wisdom teeth pulled. It's a painful struggle. I am tempted to do exactly what I want, but I've made promises. My heart and tears are pulling me in one direction, and a promise made is the silent argument against and there are other obsticles - like money. Why is that sometimes the bottom line - the principle of being stawart and sticking to the pencils edge of the budget and commitment to oneself. Why can't I just let it go and do what my heart really wants to do - - am I a coward for not stepping out and jumping off the hill - there will be no clifts because I know I wouldn't survive. I know I can finaggle the budget and get back on track, that's not a viable argument, not a solid one in my mind right now. At my age, sometimes it is important to look beyond the pencils edge of numbers because fortunately for me, I can make it up down the line although I know it's not that easy for others.

So, here I sit, it's not too late, well, it almost is, if only I had started sooner, if only!!! Timing is not always on target and its not always that simple, or is it? It is procrastination? I complain our grandson, Soldier Tom - the beautiful child we raised, is the worse procrastinator I've met, but could he get some of that from me? I don't think so, usually I am right on point. But, I've been down this road before and the same decision was before me - this is the second time, maybe I won't get another chance. I don't like being boxed in, I really don't - which prodding voice in my head do I listen to - the clock is ticking, not much time to decide, can't wait too much longer, then it will be too late again. Like the domino effect, once the clock has ticked past that one bronze hours, it will be too late, and the decision will have been made. I hate getting old, I hate that I am put into this corner - which comes first this time - - - family or my heart! Will I have regrets? Regrets will make me miserable especially if the outcome is devistating for my reason to go.

I have been given a path to follow, I know, by the Almighty God. He has given me and my partner unselfish love for caring for each other and the family and children He has given us regardless of their problems or needs. Commitment can be a dirty word to me because it has kept me from doing what I really want to do and I won't sin again commitment. It is my personality and standard. Today I am again faced with that but this choice is not because of a fun event, but a sad one. My heart strings are again being pulled to their painful end. I cry, cry and cry but to no avail. The pain is deep and won't be eased through tears.

I know the decision will be regretted. I've prayed for a miracle so I could go, but life isn't that easy. I only hope and pray that I do have time. I pray because it's out of my hands and He knows the volume of love I have and the need to be filled. I know He will take care of things, even if I don't SEE His actions. I pray another day will come. Please Lord, I ask you to please take care of her, please let me have the chance to be with her before you take her. In Jesus name I pray.

PHOTOS: Soldiers at Camp Ur, Iraq

2009-10-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

U.S Army soldiers from Charlie Company, 1-77 Armored Regiment, 4-1 Armored Division, pose in front of USO2GO Kit boxes, October 24th, on Camp Ur, Iraq. Charlie Company, 1-77 supports 40th IA BDE MITT and conducts joint patrol missions with the IA and Iraqi police, within Dhi Qar Province in southern Iraq. MITT soldiers live and work with the Iraqi army, as well as train, advise and assist the IA in the areas of intelligence, communications, fire support, logistics, and infantry tactics. Pictured from left to right; Pvt. Dexter Neal, 11B, from Houma, La., Sgt. Jefferson Guillermo, 19K, from Porterville, Calif., Pfc. Jonathan May, 19K, from Harrington, Del., Pfc. Jared Morris, 68W, from Independence, Mo., Pfc. Alex Ayala, 19K, from Bronx, N.Y., Spc. Michael Williams, 11B, from Jackson, Tenn., Sgt. Liam Molinelli, 11B, from Stow, Ohio, Spc. Ryan Adams, 13F, from Holland, Mich., and Pfc. Randy Hamilton, 11B, from Columbus, Ohio. (U.S. Army photo/Sgt. 1st Class Alan B. Owens)

The source of this photo and names of U. S. Army Soldiers-----http://www.militarynewsnetwork.com/military-news/news1063.htm

God bless them one and all!! Thanks for your dedication and service!

Windows 7

2009-10-20T10:08:00.001-07:00

I can't make up my mind. When I bought this HP computer to replace my Sony that went defunct, I knew I wanted the new Windows 7 because even back in April of this year Windows 7 was talked about big time. This machine has Vista and doesn't qualify for a free upgrade as others purchased after July do. I'm pretty computer savvy and couldn't imagine not getting along with any operating system, but I have to tell you I really really don't like Vista - it is slower than my defunct Sony!

But, I am not sure I want to purchase the new OS system, download it myself then have problems, or do I want to haul it into Best Buy and have them do it and be without a computer for a week. I may just wait and wait and wait until I have made up my mind. Bob says to wait until all the kinks have been worked out. Maybe he's right, this time.

Also, I wondered what will happen to all the photos in Vista Window photo gallery. I don't like that application, but I have hundreds of photos captured there. I can't get an answer to that inquiry because Windows 7 will not have the gallery. Good! I'd rather use my Canon camera's software anyhow.

Any suggestions?

Everyone with total knee replacement - please stand up!

2009-10-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

First I was then I wasn't now I'm not, I think! I've been complaining about the pain in my legs for awhile. Limping is not an activity that I have enjoyed. I feel so old and a nurse told me "you're not old" but 'lady, I feel old!!! When you've lived a very active life with little or no health problems, and if there were any, I didn't talk about it - until a few years ago. I've always been pretty pain tolerant but now I don't do so well.

After seeing the orthopedic surgeon and having ex-rays taken, zowie, surgery was necessary. My left knee is a mess - no meniscus, no wonder I was/am in pain!! The right knee is not as bad but lacks a full coverage of meniscus. Golly, I'm glad I found that out! So, surgery date is scheduled for total knee replacement for the left knee and so preparations are on. I am an organizer so the race was on to organize my stuff for the visit to the hospital and the expected stay of four days. Family notified; house slippers ordered - no flip flop types because of activity and physical therapy; nice robe purchased, must look nice walking around the hospital; mp3 player filled with music; and two good paperback quick read mystery books purchased, so just about ready to go - next planning for blood work and final paper work to fill out.

Can you imagine how surprised I was when I received a call from the nurse saying the doctor wanted me to go through physical therapy for a month - it might keep me from having to have total knee replacement, and no surgery now! My husband was angry- what could physical therapy do where it is bone on bone!!! So, here I am faced with this decision, should I go to another surgeon? There's no doubt the physical therapy will help, I haven't been as active as I should be and I know there will be an adjustment after the knee replacement and there will be PT then, but the question is their attitude that PT will cure the problem of bone on bone is another issue. Was this just the words of the nurse? I was too shocked to know what to say.

On top of that - the hospital called this afternoon to remind me of my surgery and continued to ask questions assuming that I was having surgery - I was double shocked!!! They were shocked, everyone's shocked, I guess!! Oh, but upon further searching she did find the nurse had canceled the surgery - but the surgery nurse at a different extension had no clue and she wasn't going to take my word for it - I had to contact the doctor to contact her - the surgery nurse, but she reveals the doctor is on vacation!!! Ah, could he just be on vacation and that's why he didn't want to schedule the surgery NOW!! But, it was his call, I was also in shock (again) when I found out my condition and that I needed surgery.

What a mess. I am going to talk to my regular doctor this week. Maybe he can give me some guidance. For now, there may be physical therapy in my future, but the surgery will have to wait until after the holidays. I could have tolerated the challenges coming home after having the surgery the first of November but any later would physically challenge me up through the holidays - and with Soldier Tom and Tine coming home for the holidays I don't want to be incapacitated.

Take good care of yourself and even if you do, be prepared for anything to happen when you get to the tender years of Senior Age.

People talking to themselves

2009-10-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

Our day got started early today with our first appointment at our hair stylist. I went to my very all time favorite Kim and Bob to his barber Frank. Both have a shop in Boulder City. If you have ever came to visit Las Vegas then went to Hoover Dam for the tour, you went through Boulder City. I moved to Las Vegas with my parents when I was the tender age of 16 and grew to love Boulder City - a lot! It is separated from Las Vegas and Henderson by the fact there is no gambling in town allowed as it is in the rest of the state of Nevada. It is a very quaint town and most everyone knows everyone.

I've had Kim as my hair stylist for many years. Her husband works at Hoover Dam and knew my husband when Bob worked at Hoover. The beauty shop is an fabulous place - the best atmosphere I have ever experience in a hair salon anywhere I have lived. The girls all have fun and the clientele are all ages. They even bring in the senior citizen ladies to have their hair done, and if they can't make it in, one of the girls will go to the "home" to do their hair. I also have a blast there - you never know what will be the topic of discussion for the day. Kim is awesome with my "doos" too - she listens and does exactly what I request. No matter! I am so thankful I found her! Today our main discussion was about knee surgery and doctors, but once we covered that topic it was on to other things of importance like thinning eyebrows or men losing weight in their butt rather than their stomach when they are on a diet. You know, the good stuff!!!!!!!!!

Bob and I went from there to Costco. I just had to go today, so I "drugged" up on my medication and took it easy, sitting down when I needed too. It was time to buy Norton Virus for my computers, gads zooks, have you seen the price of the software!!! Holy Macaroni!!! My uncle has a MAC and I asked him if he had to buy virus protection and he doesn't - I don't know, maybe I should think about jumping the PC ship and go Apple next time!!!! Costco usually has good software prices and actually I did check Amazon, etc, and found Costco was the best deal in town.

I was outside waiting for Bob to drive up to pick me up after we had made our pass through the store when I heard a person talking. An attractive young woman bounced passed me and she was talking at a loud volume and for a brief moment I wondered if she was talking to me, but no, as she passed I could see one of those weird thing growing out of her ear. She was a pretty woman but frankly, I am developing a huge pet peeve of those stupid ear things - yes, I do have one that I purchase when we traveled so I wouldn't have to fuss looking for my cell phone when we were on the road - I wasn't the driver either - but I never used it - it is still in the drawer. Society has become so anti-social!!!! There are times when I look at people and their lips are moving and sounds are coming out and they seem to be looking straight at me - I smile, preparing to respond - then I realize they have a blank gaze on their face and there is it - the weird black thingie growing out of their ear..... You know, I enjoy watching people - it's a great past time. I enjoy too, smiling at others or saying hi, or have a great day. I'm a friendly person. I think we need more personal contact - I don't mean we all have to become great friends immediate, but just a hello and a smile goes a long way. We've all got our share of difficulties in our daily life today, it's really nice to share a pleasant moment every once in awhile. Ah, but I guess for some, it would be difficult to give up the pleasures that the communication technology has given us.

I hope you all are well and your life is good. Do take good care. God bless!

Egads! I haven't posted in a long time!

2009-10-04T08:53:00.001-07:00

Holy cow! Where has the time gone!!! I've been in a state of non-compliance. The part of my brain that comes up with the ideas and words for my blogs has run away to a far away land of unknown destination. For some odd reason, it returned this morning, who knows why, curious!

Seriously though, I guess, deep down in my psychic I've been worried and when I write I relate through the expressions, maybe! A few weeks back I went to the Bone man doctor to check my left knee. I've been in pain for years, but have tolerated it until recently when it got so bad I was brought to tears continuously. So, after ex-rays and examinations Bone Man Doctor told me I would have to have Total Knee Replacement. We did the cortisone shots just for comfort but that only was a temporary fix. The surgery will have to be done on both knees, but my left is the worse. It is a real mess and you can feel it too - yuck! but sort of cool in a morbid way.

We've tried to get away from the house several times, you know, for a couple of day trip out of town, but the knee just wouldn't give it up, this was before the doctor's appointment. There is a beautiful organic fruit farm up in Utah only a few hours drive from here. They sell delicious Gala apples this time of the year. They also sell lunch sandwiches and organic drinks that are so delicious and unique. The drive up there is so beautiful because it is in the heart of Zion National Park. It would have been so gorgeous this time of the year since it has cooled off here in the desert southwest.

That is a huge disappointment to me AND the fact I cannot go shopping. The last outing to Wal-Mart was a huge disaster for me. Even though I can take pain pills to absorb the brunt of it all at first, it doesn't take long for the medication to wear off and I'm ready to be dragged out of the store crying hideously - so it's best Bob takes over that duty.

Now here's a good one ladies - letting the man do the shopping. Oh Holy Mother of God!!! a true sacrifice for me!!!!!!!!! Please forgive me for being overly religiously expressive, but it pains me deeply to give up one of my biggest treasures in life, I know! I know! I'm being overly-dramatic, probably, but hey, I'm a woman, and that's what I do best - shop!!!! But, I'll give it to my man - Bob - he is a good shopper. His favorite store is Costco, and he is good!!!!! Coupon book and list in hand, man oh man, he can tear through those aisles with the speed of light! No dottling for him, he gets the job done. If there's a question, he doesn't hesitate to call home on his trusty cell phone. He isn't a cell phone person, like, he doesn't have it with him all the time - that's in my job description. But when he shops, he religiously has his phone for any questions or if I come up with a new item we need that I forgot to put on the list in the meantime, I can call.

I picked up a not so expensive MP3 player on Amazon.com - a really small one with only two gigs of memory which may hole about 500 songs or so. I want to take to the hospital with me so I can listen to music. I should be in after surgery for 2 or 3 days. So now I have to fill it will music. I'll take one paperback book - one that is a fast read. Darn-it! I have packed all my good reading books and there's no way we could find the box even though it is marked well. When the painters were coming, we shoved everything in the downstairs that was out in the way into the only two small rooms that weren't being painted. They had been well organized with packed boxes but once the last minute procedure happens of having to shove the rest of the extra stuff in every vacant spot counts and it gets messy! I wouldn't ask Bob to search since his knees are hurting too. I do like Agatha Christie books.

Well, that's it folks, that's pretty much why I've been non-blogging for while. I have kept up with my Farmtown on Facebook only because my husband is addicted to it. It is our retirement fun!!! HA HA! That's as good as it gets right now - that and enjoying granddaughter Alexandra who is growing up too fast. And I am anxiously looking forward to Soldier Tom and his girl Tine coming home for Christmas!!!

Speaking briefly of grandchildren, Alex is at the age of noticing boys, (good grief!!!!). She is a straight A student, very creative, and all that. I am on a diet now, hoping to lose a few pounds before surgery, and as I was drinking an Atkins Protein drink the other day she told me it had too many calories in it and her PE teacher told her diet drinks weren't good for you. So there she was, my granddaughter telling me what was good and not. Even though I showed her on the box that my drink had only 150 calories and very lo sugar, it wasn't enough, her PE teacher was smarter. Oh me! the age of other people are smarter than the "parents" has arrived - again!!! I need a vacation around adults who are on the same brain level and think I am marvelous. But, on the other hand, my 22 year old grandson has told me how smart I was and how he appreciates my advice. Sad, isn't it, you have to wait until they grow up to get a vote of confidence from them!!!!!!! What a beating the ego takes raising children - sometimes!

It's good to be back. I hope you all are well and having a wonderful weekend. Take good care and God bless!

Old eyes and shaky fingers

2009-09-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

This afternoon Alexandra and I sat down to make more jewelry. We are new to this hobby although the first go round went pretty well, you'd think it would be all down hill but something has changed.

Alex is very clever and talented. She can put together a necklace or bracelet in the speed of light with a variety of colors, styles, and beads while I am struggling putting the ends on her designs. I am quietly thinking that I must come up with a better strategy or working arrangement because we are not actually working together. I am too grumpy as I struggle to put the string through the little holes of the clamps, crimps, and jollies and all the rest of the doo daas that finishes the piece. We have a bright light in the room but I need a lamp that shines directly on the work, so there's something else to be in the way. Organizing the work area has been another thing. I thought this was going to be a fun way to spend time with my granddaughter but I find myself being irritated and grumpy with her and that is defeating the whole purpose of this time.

So its back to square one and starting my plan all over. I think the best would be for me to put the finishing touches on the jewelry after both of us have worked together on a couple of pieces. Until I get the hang of it and can whip right through the most difficult part, I think this will work out the best - she won't mind waiting until I put on the finish touches. This way we will have time to work together and share ideas.

There are so many beautiful beads, chains, hooks, finishing thingies and so many other things to add on - beading is an art in itself. I know we will have fun and enjoy our accomplishments once we get situated and organized together. We have lots of books to go through for new ideas.

I have made myself a bracelet which fell apart but I do know why - I didn't have it connected correctly at the end. Believe it or not, there's a lot to know and learn. My hands shake more these days than when I was younger and my eyes have trouble dealing with putting the stretchy string through the small holes - like threading a needle, but I can do it if I keep trying. Like Thomas the Train, I think I can, I know I can. We will reap the rewards of our accomplishments and the time we spend together.

The sound of quiet

2009-09-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

Candy to my ears - no noise, no TV, no radio, or music, no one hammering or mowing the lawn or construction work. No yelling or shouting, no traffic, just quiet. It is rare here in our home. I know it's a lot to be thankful for - to have a home that grandchildren can grow up in, but there are those moments when quiet is a diamond moment. This is it right now. Awwwwwwww! taking it all in.

The sun is setting and there are a few hummingbirds getting their last licks from the feeders. They are amazing - they are up early and still feeding way after dark and the other birds have settle in their designated trees.

This has been a very busy week. Bob celebrated his 68th birthday yesterday. A quiet one by most standards. We did go out to eat at our favorite pizza place - Metro Pizza, but we had the birthday cake celebration tonight - it was a time factor yesterday. He was melancholy yesterday and a little depressed today - I don't know if it was the age thing or the health age thing. He has accomplished a lot in his lifetime. I know how he feels though, we do wish we were at a different place in our life, but sometimes there are things we can't change. There are times when we should be thankful for what we have but not give up hope.

I'm going to to doctor for my leg on Monday, gosh, I can't wait - what a pain in the butt it's been dealing with this. I'm not one to give in to pain, but as I've gotten older I sometimes feel like a big baby. Oh well, we just keep on plugging don't we as long as we can.

Soldier Tom's birthday is in a little over a week. He and his gal Tine are so full of energy and we are so dull compared to their lifestyle. He said to me that we are at the age we don't want to celebrate birthdays anymore. I don't know where he got that idea, I don't mind it, but would just like to have a big party but no one around here knows how to give a big fun party so its the same ole thing. My husband is a quiet man with a sense of humor and I am grateful for him from the bottom of my heart to my tippy toes. I am blessed to have him in my life and to celebrate birthdays with him.

Weekend breaking in on us again, where do the days go! Hope you have a great one, keep safe, God bless.

ჱܓDirty Dancing "She's Like The Wind" by Patrick Swayze (1987) ჱܓ

2009-09-15T08:42:00.001-07:00

Patrick Swayze has passed away at age 57 after a 2 year battle with pancreatic cancer. He will be missed but his spirit will live on forever and he will suffer no more.

The men, they are cooking Sunday dinner..

2009-09-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

As previously mentioned, me and my water bound knee plus large black and blue lump on foot of leg of same water logged knee is reporting no change and ability to get around remains difficult and limpingly to say the least. However, one bright star at the end of the universe is a husband who will try anything. Sunday dinner is something we look forward to, so husband Bob agreed to do the work while I supervised from the kitchen chair. Agreed!!!!

As time neared to get things rolling in the kitchen, the telephone rang, it was Soldier Tom calling from Ft Bragg, well actually his car as he was on his way to the grocery. He was hesitating, but inquiring apologetically, he needed advice. He was determined to cook dinner tonight for Tine, and he needed help. How do I cook lasagna he asked? This was the meal he had decided to do to prove he could put together a dinner for Tine. The men in this family can't turn down a challenge, so I imagine Soldier Tom was challenged and he was determined to complete his cooking mission. So, how do you give advice over the phone on how to cook lasagna? Holy cow!!!! My brain went into freeze zone then thawed because this was my forte - cooking and computers. I gave him suggestions especially the quick way will be to use the recipe on the box of lasagna noodles for measurements which is what I follow and not try to make the sauce from scratch the first time. I'm available if you need more help was the final words before we said final sentiments of love you and take care. Then twenty minutes later as Bob was cooking, I remember the time difference - it was 7:30 PM his time, it would be 11:00 PM probably before they eat. I called him and suggested something less time consuming or easier, but he wouldn't budge - he was committed. So, we parted on those word and I haven't heard from him since. I'll give him a call in the morning to see how it went. Bob and I wondered if Tine was helping out too or was this a "do it alone" challenge? I know he helps her in the kitchen all the time. I'm proud of him for learning and achieving involved cooking skills.

Here on the home front, Bob's assignment was Beef Stroganoff. My recipe was a simple recipe. I volunteered to be his sous chef since I could sit and chop. Since Bob became retired he has taken on many kitchen chores. He does seem to enjoy himself and follows instructions very well. The dinner was excellent. It was very nice to enjoy our Sunday dinner together tonight.

The only downside of men in my kitchen is their persistence for turning the heat too high under the skillets. So, my saving grace was to buy them their own pans to cook with and I hide my good cookware. It is lovely to turn over the duties of cooking of fine cuisine to the men in the house. There are bonuses all round.

Saturday evening with George Strait & Favorites

2009-09-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a full day with some accomplishments - did check off some stuff that's been muttering "me next!, me me me!" yes, finally crossed through those things. Bob moved some furniture in Tom's room so we could fit in my nice typing table that Alexandra and I will use to make jewelry. We can spread our jewelry making stuff out and not have to worry about putting stuff away. This was my biggest accomplishment but the day took a turn for the worse when a heavy piece of wood fell on my foot that was the letters and a coat holder spelled out in the letters THOMAS.

My foot is really swollen tonight coupled with the fact my leg has been in pain all week - my regular doc said I had water on the knee but he didn't do anything about it on my last visit. I fell down twice and I'm sure now all that is coming to light. The first time was a few years back when I was taking classes at night at the Community College. We were walking up carpeted stairs that had little strips of lights, but they curved and I didn't see it - I tripped and hit my head and landed lopsided on my knees. They hurt for weeks on end. I didn't go to the doc then - I didn't want an ambulance, but had to sign a paper saying I wouldn't sue the school. The last time I fell was in my kitchen on my slick kitchen tile floor - it was wet and I went a flying. The knee got infected and doc gave me an antibiotic and that was the last of it until now. Hoping in a few days it will get better if not I'm off to the knee doc - he knows our family personally. Husband Bob and Son Don has been in to see him and had surgery several times - so we're old pros at joint pain. I'm limping around like Festus did on Gunsmoke with Jim Arness. When I was younger I never had accidents and I was active. We had a farm and I was all over the hay wagon, doing tobacco, running cattle and pigs, and running after my kids too. Old age stinks!

Bob has picked up the slack on the tasks at hand, no big deal stuff, just odds and ends. I appreciate his help very much. Son Don has just stopped by for a short stop. He's come up from Phoenix and has to be in Salt Lake City - he's my truck driving son. It's always nice to see him regardless of how long he's here. Kev's working a night shift so we're responsible for granddaughter Alex. Don will aggravate her and she will tease him. She loves it when he stops by.

I haven't had much time to be back here in my back office alone without any interruptions so I can play George loud and sing off key to his music. Bob bought me George's new CD "Twang" for my birthday. There are several really good songs. George is good candy for these old eyes and I love his music - he gives his fans a variety of styles, so you never know what's next with him.

I also enjoy the smooth selection from the Eagles CD, and then there's Sting and Chris Botti - sweet!

I hope you are having a very nice weekend - a very special time for our country in many aspects. May God bless and keep you safe . Take good care.

Talking in my sleep

2009-09-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

My friend Ann will be surprised to know that I carried on a telephone conversation with her in the wee hours of the morning. Ann is a regular visitor here to my blog. She's been a friend since the first time I met her when I went to work at Southwest Gas in Las Vegas, back in 1989. She's been my friend through some really rough times in my life, mainly, Brian's accident, caring for him and then his death. I've known her through her own trials as well, especially when she lost her loving father and now as she takes care of her mom.

Ann is one of those kind of people who is very trustworthy. You know whatever you tell her, she wouldn't repeat it to anyone. You can be who you are even if you are having a very ugly day or on the top of the mountain. She also laughs at my jokes which is the main aspect I look for in a close friend - I can be a dingielingie so a friend must understand I have those days. She has a deep love of God and trusts Him to always watch over her.

So, it's not surprising that I would have an out loud verbal conversation with Ann in the middle of the night. I asked my husband this morning if he heard me talking out loud in my sleep and he said he did but he didn't realize it was Ann I was talking to this time. It was a telephone conversation with Ann and a side conversations with one of my kids, now I've forgotten who except that was about erasable markers on a white board. Ann was holding on the phone as I spoke with my kid. Ann's conversation consisted of her telling me what time she would be at school and my out loud response an explanation of when was I going to be there.

Oddly, neither Ann nor I are in school nor do we have kids in school. I have no clue where this conversation with Ann stemmed from and we haven't had a conversation about meeting at school ever. I did wake myself up talking out loud to Ann and that's why I can remember only this part. My family tells me I do talk out loud sometimes in the night and I remember it's usually when I am sick. Actually, I am sick right now, so I must have been delirious last night.

My husband and son sometimes talk in their sleep although I wouldn't repeat what my son says. My husbands speech is so blurred that even straining to hear doesn't help. One night a long time ago, he did hollower out a cuss word and was laughing (not anything promiscuous so don't go there!!!). I had never ever heard him really cuss like a Navy shore man before during those early years and even now it's very unusual so I guess that's why I still remember and it was hilarious!

I wonder if talking out loud in our sleep tells something about our inner thoughts like our dreams? If so, I guess I was thinking Ann and I needed to go back to school for some reason. I wonder what she thinks about that?

Afghanistan Photos of the Day September 7th, 2009

2009-09-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

U.S. Army Soldiers from 1st and 3rd Platoons, Apache Company, 2nd Battalion, 87th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, wake up after spending the night inside a compound in the Tangi Valley in the Wardak province of Afghanistan, August 30th, 2009

U.S. Army Specialist Christian Jimenez cuts the hair of Specialist Indra Geerts at Combat Outpost Tangi in the Wardak province of Afghanistan, August 31st, 2009.

See more photos of our Army in Afghanistan here.

Day after

2009-09-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

The 45th anniversary celebration came and went. Bob and I agreed no gifts or cards this year - we both have most everything we want and why get more stuff to move when or if we ever find the home we want to buy.

The day was relaxing, fun, and enjoyable. Very casual with only Kevin, Suzanne and Alexandra present. We had a good time. Son Kevin cooked an absolutely delicious seven course meal and cleaned up. He is an excellent cook. Suz helped where she could.

I was only permitted to contributed the task of doing the deviled eggs because I have this really simple way of mixing the yoke and other ingredients that results in no lumpy yokes. Years and years of lumpy yokes in my deviled eggs and now with a simple suggestion of putting all the ingredients in a plastic bag and mushing it all together, snipping off the end of the plastic bag and piping it into the boiled egg white - presto, fast, quick and done in no time, no mess and fuss.

We talked and joked and reminisced. How did we get here together 45 years through all our fits, arguments, trials and tribulations, and mixed in with all the many joys is a result of our faith in God who is the glue that gives us guidance and shows us the path to take when all else fails. We both know our life would be unbearable without our faith and praying daily for His presence in our life. So many times we don't see the way clearly. We don't understand why things happen. Sometimes the answer of why is obvious. It's always a surprise. Our life is sheltered and protected with His Love and through the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. Our marriage could not have lovingly survived had it not been for His Blessings.

crap happens when least expected---or wanted!

2009-09-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

Bob and I are approaching our 45th wedding anniversary date. We can't do anything big deal fuu-fuu, but we were hoping to get out of town for a couple of days just for some quiet time ---- alone, that is the operative word----ALONE - Together,,,,,,,,,! Well, shuckie darn! Crap does happen when least expected, especially when all seems good.

Everything was moving very smoothly, things were ready to go, we went to bed with everything organized, all bases were covered, Kevin was here to take care of things, no big deal problems, smooth sailing. But, it was not to be this time - - woke up at 3 AM with a minor headache, dumb me, didn't take anything for it - - - now, mind you, I hadn't been drinking anything, sometimes certain wines or mixed drinks will give me a headache and I only drink two - three makes me incessantly continually giggly........So by 5 AM the headache had advanced into a migraine. I can't remember the last time I had a migraine - at least back when Brian was alive and that was back in the 90s. If you are one who have migraines, you know you need quiet and dark and the toilet free at all cost. I hugged the pot for an hour - and fortunately we have a nice cozy place where ours is situated and one can grab the walls and not fall or stumble if sick - even laying one's head on the wall and sleeping has happened too -not a perfect place, but when you're sick, who's picky!! Plastic waste can very available, lined with bag easily taken out - quickly - - - well, you get the drift. Bob is a dear, he knows the drill, cold wet washcloth to the forehead and leave. I ended sitting in the bedroom chair - the best position with migrane, laying down is horrible. By noon, I was one-fourth a human being again, quick recovery I think. Bob again is a good nurse, serving chicken ramon soup with 7 up later in the day. I could hear him checking in on me as I slept in the chair.

Dang it!! We'll make plans to go maybe next week. Only a couple of days just a few miles away, not a long drive, but pretty, just to get away. We have responsibilities to help our son and granddaughter, it's different when your our age, and still have responsibilities and can't just pack up and go. I envy those our age who can. After all, we're Senior Citizens and have paid our dues!

You know you never know what God has in mind for your life. I am blessed the best with a loving husband. Forty-five years has flown by so it seems. Dreams have been fulfilled, but I'm not finished dreaming - I have a list, and that list includes loving and laughing, and traveling with the man I've shared my bed with for these past years. We may have situations in our life we can't do anything about right now, we both have health problems that we can't do anything about, but not as bad as they could be, but our reward is our marriage that has stuck. It has worked because of our faith in God and our head strong determination to make it to work. There are those little things - like holding hands still give me chills, he says the same, seeing him in a crowd, watching him walk toward me, the jokes he plays on me, we laugh at the silliest things, just knowing what to do and when, the respect for each other's space. Just knowing he's there.

I can't imagine my life without him. Long lasting love is sweet.

These photos are Humbling! Thank you Marines for your sacrifices and service!

2009-08-28T18:12:00.000-07:00

These are a couple of photos presented on the MilitaryNewsNetwork website - link here. The troops are the U. S. Marines at Patrol Base Jaker in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. Please check out the link above for more information on our brave men and women in the Marines.

Caps lock

2009-08-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

Time marched on and waited for no man. Retirement isn't all it's suppose to be, in my thoughts and deeds anyhow. As I was going through some of my FaceBook friends.I discovered a lady who I worked for many moons ago. We have now become Face Book friends and have exchanged several notes and she has sent photos of her now adult children and photos of her grandchildren and great grandchildren. However, after sending the photos, I failed to responded as appropriately as I should have and I felt badly for that lack of attention. I realized today that it's my husband's fault.

Now, don't laugh - although, I can just hear him giving out a huge "gaff fall" or laugh after reading that sentence. He and I are tied at the hip since he's retired. I am grateful he is a workaholic and enjoys working around our home - - - especially outside. I do have to have a plan and let him know when I will be washing the kitchen floor so he won't be coming in for water - I never seem to get it timed correctly so its better to prepare. The tall and short of it is it is great to have a solid relationship and know you can depend on one person entirely. But, as I realized not just an hour ago, I have neglected my blogs and email notes to friends, and unfortunately - my household budget! Yikes!!

Yes, we are involved with Farm Town, you'd think we didn't have a life off that "farm" and for awhile that's all we did because we shared harvesting each others crops to make more coins to buy more property to buy more animals and for me buildings and things. But, I was going nuts and complaining as I clicked with vehemently unintentional disdain for those little booger crops and that avatar that is representative of me - she is an aggravating little thing - - - - sometimes!! I have finally gotten control of the mouse pointer and know how to get around her silly movements. I know, it sounds beyond reality, and it is, I agree. Right now my life is in limbo and Farm Town is on some days fun planning. For my husband, hearing the "cockadoodle-doo" from all his chicks and roosters are music to his ears. He actually isn't from the farm life but he did spend a lot of his life growing up around farms with his grandparents and aunts and uncles and he worked during the summer with a good friend of the family. So it was inevitable that when we first met, he shared his dream of one day wanting to own a farm, and I knew we would - and we did. He had plenty of baby chicks, chickens and roosters and all of the rest of the farming necessities. We left the farm back in 84 but now in 2009, he is playing farm on his computer. Now, how funny is that!!!!

The painters have been here and gone, but have to come back tomorrow to fix a room that turned out lousy. The rest of the place looks fantastic! Bob and I are tired and very slow at getting things back to normal. This ole grey mane ain't what she use to be and I just can't move it like I use to. My mother-in-law told me once back in 1993 that I moved through my duties like I was the Duracell Bunny - now I think my Duracell Bunny is in a coma.

What day is this?

2009-08-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

Gosh dawg, I can't keep track of the days. Oh me how I yearn for the sound of the highway under the rubber of the tires of my RV! We've been so busy seens like for years I wonder if I'll ever feel really retired.

The painters are here, this is their second day. They are doing the back bedrooms and bath. They have done a beautiful job and are good workers. Isn't it marvelous when you do pick a good contractor on whatever house project you need accomplished. It is expensive too as I am sure you are very aware. Bob use to do all this stuff but he's old now and can do some. He would have done the painting but I said no because I wanted it done this year. He's a workaholic on slow down pills. I don't expect anything more of him. He's put in his 2 cents and then some during our marriage. Bob is a jack of all trades and a master of many skills. He has built a one may plane, a boat, canoe, summer swing, build an addition onto our home by himself, and on and on - he is a very dependable worker if I may say so.

Here is a recent photo of my farm on Farm town. I've been putting a cross outline with my crops. It's amazing what others have made with flowers and crops. Many very creative people out there in cyper land.

While the painters were here yesterday, Bob and I hibernated in my office all day. There's a day bed in there so he caught up on his sleep and there's a TV and we had both our computers, also plenty of juice and fruit cups and water. Today, we've moved to the kitchen area with our computers. Bob is anxious and biting at the bit ready to get to work putting this end of the house back in order. I've got windows to wash and other things to clean. Things were sure dusty - seems to be very common for the desert.

Hope you are doing well and life is good for you. Take good care and have a great day!

Another day older and deeper in dept!

2009-08-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 65th birthday, I don't really feel older. Actually, my body does and that seemed to happen about eight years ago when things started falling apart, maybe a little before that. Thanks to the computer world, my mind is sharp as a tack - ha ha!

I think some of us have this vision of what we hope our birth-day will be like. For me it's all a fantasy. There were no clowns or balloons or strippers or anything fun like that - actually once I got a balloon but never clowns except for those regular family members in attendance and I have never ever seen a stripper. Maybe after 65 years I should think I am missing something - or not! My husband is very conservative and I doubt that he would approve even at this age.

It was a beautiful day and there's always lots to be thankful for whether the day goes as you had hoped or not. Just being alive and have comforts are blessings enough. My husband and I have reached the time in our life where it would be unusual if we actually gave gifts on special occasions like birthdays or Christmas. I know that may seem odd or unloving, but it's our choice and is working out well. For example, I have wanted forever a Canon SLR/Digital camera and when one came up on sale with good payment no interest deal, that was my early birthday present. I am so grateful to have the camera whether it was early or not. It is the thought that counts after all, isn't it?

Our 45th wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. We had hoped to go somewhere but the costs of having the interior of our house painted and having the jacuzzi repaired sort of knocked that idea in the head to kingdom come! We have one more job in the house to do before we put the For Sale sign up and that is to replace the rug in what was Brian's room and is now the grandkid's TV/Computer room. It was and still is a very active room. I've also decided to get a new stove top - the really cool ones in glass, but I know they aren't "real" glass. My stove top is very old and has been wonderful to cook on with a grill in the center, but the burners wires have played out, and only in fairness to the new lady of the house, she'll need a working stove when she moves in. So there you are, there's always something. Hopefully, we can get out and do something special. Looking forward to a cruise one of these anniversaries.

We all have our priorities, don't we! God brings tasks into our lives and the attitude we handle them with determines the outcome of the situation. We can mumble and groan or just do it and pray for help and change for the better. Some of us may seem to have more burdens than others but I believe God doesn't give us more to handle than we can take care of - although there have been times I've argued that point vigorously. We are here to serve and take care of one another and some of our duties are more dependant than others and those individuals need more help. But sometimes I wonder when will that dependency ends and our freedom begins.

Sunday - Thank You to our solders at Vehicle Patrol Base Badel, Afghanistan

2009-08-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning at the Sullivan's has progressed as normal. TV and coffee first thing, breakfast, then computer stuff, and just lounging around. We will make a drive up to visit son Brian's grave at the Veteran's Cemetery and put flowers at his grave. But, besides that, it is quiet and we are keeping cool in our nice air conditioned home - the temp being 102 out right now.

It is with deep teary eyed emotion that I think of the contrast between my world and the soldiers that are fighting the war in Afghanistan. We are so grateful for their service to defeat the enemy and their courage of conviction and perseverance. They have no air conditioners in the 120+ temperatures and protections from the sand storms.

Please click on this link to see more photos of the Solders at Vehicle Patrol Base Badel, Afghanistan. Thanks to the Military News Network for these photos and stories.

The soldiers are in our daily prayers. May God bless each and every one of them and keep them safe.

Military Video: Combat Outpost Apache, Afganistan

2009-08-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

MilitaryNewsNetwork says to check out this video that shows daily life for Soldiers at Combat Outpost Apache in Afghanistan where they go toe-to-toe with Taliban fighters.

Twittering and Tweets

2009-08-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

I cannot hear the birds twittering this morning although right now there is a hummingbird on the feeder outside my window. I cannot open my window though because the wind is blowing almost fiercely. It is amazing though how the hummers still manage to plant themselves squarely in place to feed at the hummingbird feeders.

Bob had to purchase new feeders a couple of weeks ago because the little finches managed to hang on to the feeders and they were draining the sweet juice from a couple of the hummers feeders. The new feeders are move difficult for the finches to position themselves to drink. This saves Bob some time in between days to fill up. He keeps a bottle of hummer juice made up all the time. He puts the juice in a Margarita bottle which sometimes confuses me. When my brain is dull and I think I need a drink of something stronger than a cup of coffee and I see that bottle of Margarita in the frig, I am caught off guard and for that split second I do get a thrill and think "yum, a glass of margarita that would be perfect right now!" But, then reality creeps back to my lethargic brain and I remember, and think, dang it, it's not the real thing!!!!

The reason I can't hear the birds singing or the whiz of the several hummers zooming by my window back and forth to the feeder is the wind is blowing, not quite full force, but annoyingly enough to be disruptive and too airy to open the window. Also, it is too warm outside and the air conditioner would turn on which would defeat my purpose of opening the window for fresh air. I love it when I can enjoy natures full sound by an open window and feel confined when I can only see to imagine how lovely it might be. Although, I must admit there is something joyous in the movement of the branches and leaves on the trees and magical how the little hummers and other birds seem to hang on for their dear lives as the tree limbs dance vigorously as the wind jostles each branch to and fro.

I have been engrossed in my Twitter twittering twits and tweets lately. The FarmTown has also taken me away - although please don't compare it to a Calgon "Take me away" moment. I've also attempted to pretend to be very busy packing up stuff some permanently and some just put away only to have to bring back out and arrange once again. The painters will be here next Wednesday to paint the walls and ceilings. I'm not having them paint my office where I am now, or the room Kevin and Alex are in - too much stuff to move out, and we need a nesting room while they work - I don't want to leave.

I've taken the family photos off the walls. So many memories in all those photos. I had walls and walls of photos dating back to my grandma's wedding in the early 1900s. I've packed them away permanently, awaiting the day when we do find the real retirement home Bob and I yearn to have - we are feeling so very empty because we cannot come to terms with this. No place seems to fill what we are looking for - yet! Maybe we are not trusting in God enough, maybe our faith has gotten shallow and we're not feeling the depth of His love and protection. I dunno!

But, there you are. I am loving to Twitter, 90% of the Twits are political. I have added Dr. Henry Kissinger and I even have Martha Stewart and M C Hammer too - it is very interesting, exciting and fun, too. I love it! My FarmTown/Facebook is fun too. Bob enjoys the Farm but I have cut back on my time on it since I was getting nothing done for packing or cleaning. My Blogging has been neglected, so that's why I'm here this morning - sort of to bring you up to date on my stuff.

I do hope you are well and healthy. I hope your life has been filled with many blessings and great joy. Take good care and God bless.

I suddenly went crazy!

2009-08-08T12:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I lost my mind and deleted everything I dearly love and hold close to my heart on the computer. I had a major "fit" as a result of a "situation" which occurred here in my home. I thought my reactions to my actions were fitting at the time, but as time passed, I realized I did a stupid thing. There are things I do which may seem a waste of time to a few but when it comes down to computer stuff for me it's a past time and hobby. There are plenty of other things I could do, but this is what I want to do.

My girlfriend across the street won't do anything on the computer except for her associations and she does data input at her job. She does some searches and purchases, but to do fun stuff, never. But, she does work, and when at home she has a husband who requires her attention and she has all that other stuff like housework to do. But she was adamant about not joining any computer social thing of any sort so now I never ask nor do I share the fun I have.

I don't hold it against her for not liking to get involved or to sign up with me on Face Book or whatever, I'm just pointing out, we all have our thing and I almost messed up what I hold near and dear and that is my Blogs, Twitter, and Face Book when I was outragiously wicked and deleted with a vengence.

Thousands of Mea Copas, - I am so sorry. I may not have many followers here or readers, but this is a source of evacuation of my daily thoughts and sharing with a friend or two (Ann, Hello!) or a family member, they may stop by occasionally, so like stopping to smell a rose or enjoying the hummingbirds outside my window and the song of a little bird singing this morning, my blogs will go on, be that as it may.

Time keeps on slipping

2009-08-05T11:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever fallen asleep while sitting at the keyboard? I did just a few minutes ago -the reason being I am very tired. I read a blog yesterday about a young woman who was loosing sleep because she missed her dog who had to be put to sleep. I responded because I understood. But, last night my loss of sleep is related to organization. Don't you just hate it when you take your "work" to bed with you!!!!

Yesterday the painter man came to finalize our plans to paint the interior of the house. I haven't yet heard from the painter scheduler man to know exactly when the painting crew will converge into our home, but I was told maybe in two weeks. We have a big home with lots of pictures and lots of nik naks and stuff that has to be packed out of the way. So, last night, my brain decided to do some planning and organizing.

But wait! that wasn't all. Then I decided to worry about Tom. Don't ask! It's a "mother" thing - life, love, happiness, future, and all that jazz. And, that's not all - I got the heebie jeebies and heard noises in the house. Forget it now - they'll be no sleeping tonight!!!! And there pretty much wasn't any sound sleeping. Maybe catnaps, I'd wake up and look at the clock and think, aw heck, I don't want a cup of coffee this early and I'd doze off for a few more minutes. Finally, I couldn't take it and was up at 5, which isn't too bad, considering.

My brain is filled with organization this morning and I've attempted to pass all that information on to Bob, to rejuvenate him, motivate him, but, no way - he slept very well last night. The lessons I learned when I was in business will be put on hold until my office staff consisting of one - Bob, and I can sit down and put the daily dish of to-dos on paper. We have way too many things to do in a short period of time and unless it's written, we will forget then we will panic!

Right now, I am going to take a nap.

Four & a half months plus a few days until Christmas

2009-08-03T16:33:00.000-07:00

Geez, its hot outside, must be humidity in the air too, temp not as high as last week, thank goodness. Nothing exciting happening here - same ole stuff. I did realize today the heat really affects Bob's attitude. Generally, he is a very polite and calm individual but today at the Wal-Mart check out lane, he was snappy at the clerk. I was asking the clerk about a price and Bob as usual wasn't wearing his hearing aids and was concentrating on the ATM machine which usually doesn't want to recognize his number - its a very used card - so his frustration showed up in his responses. I do have empathy for him, knowing that when you can't understand or hear what is going on around you, it can be confusing. The clerk was a nice guy. He had an old timey Peace symbol around his neck. I would have commented but then its becomes an even bigger distraction for Bob although Bob is accustomed to me talking a lot but I shouldn't be distracting the clerk at check out time.

Getting old is really for the birds. Literally! When you lose your hearing it is disturbing not understanding what is going on around you. Also, our knees and other parts of our body have decided to shut down at various times. Although, I will say, as we were going into the store this afternoon there was a couple going in along side us - this lady was much older than I and man-oh-man she was moving! Her husband was trailing along behind a few feet so I backed off to let him catch up to her.

I've gotten lazy this year but I've made a pact with Bob to get active. Things have been despondent not knowing what to do about this house and dealing with our adult children's problems, and a bunch of other stuff, but hey you know what? Life is too darn short to let those things mess up a good day!!!!!

So, here's hoping you are well and are having a great day! May God bless you abundantly with your everyday needs and then a little extra. Take care!

Now I'm feeling Old

2009-08-01T15:45:00.000-07:00

August First - eligible for Medicare, the card is now in effect. What is 65 suppose to feel like? If it weren't for the arthritis, other elder pains, and getting more forgetful, I could say I don't feel like I'm ready for medicare. I'm not 65 YET and don't claim it until my birthday in a couple of weeks.

I'm a true Leo. I've just found out several other acquaintances are Leos too and I can see those traits in them. Bob, my husband, is Virgo, and a good Virgo too. I'm not really into the sign business seriously, it is just sorta interesting how it is the traits they place on a sign seems to fit the birthday personality.

I'd love to go to Disneyland but I'm sure we won't at least not now - really it's too hot, in the fall would be better. Hopefully, we'll have the painters in during that time. We've decided on a business that has a crew rather than a one man job. The business has all the insurance and coverage should something go wrong.

I am split into two personalities - one that cries and one that is excited. The one that cries is crying because she has to sell a home that has so many memories - but forgets the real reason for selling to downsize both for room size and expense. The excited one can't wait to sell and get settled somewhere then travel, travel, and more travel.

It's been hotter than hades here - we've stayed in the house except to go shopping or swimming. One day trip to Wal-Mart resulted in a dead truck battery after returning from shopping and it was a miserably hot, hot, hot day. Both Bob and I felt awful to start out - the heat is rough on respiratory problems to begin with. But, it did all end out good, we called triple A, forgetting that Wal-Mart has batteries, but they probably would take time to install it, but AAA carries batteries for sale, they install it, so Bob was very thankful for that task completion. I am too.

A beautiful yellow bird just came by my window. I've never seen one like it before and I didn' t have my camera. We sat out on the porch this morning and I hear a bird singing and the sound was similar to a canary, so I am wondering if this yellow bird was, in fact, the one that was singing such a beautiful melody.

Hope you all are well and life is good at your place. God bless.

JK Wedding Entrance Dance

2009-07-28T09:03:00.001-07:00

This is so cool! Yes, the BEST Wedding Entrance ever and I love the Bridesmaids dresses too!!! What a tremendous way to start a marrage! Fun!

What does retirement mean to me!

2009-07-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Retirement means no alarm clocks unless the alarm sound is coming from another room in the house occupied by a misplaced son who needs to get up and leave at 3 AM. He is a truck driver and stopped by to visit on route north from southern state. My mental alarm clock went off before his did, seems a mother's instinct never evaporates even when approaching 65 years old. God made women versatile and with longevity. Retired men, on the other hand, can sleep through anything. It really is annoying, I would yearn to be a sound sleeper but my instincts are still keen.

My instincts are still honed in on school times too. After raising five children, you'd think I'd be ready to forget all those requirements but that's another thing God really forced into mothers. Our granddaughter lives with us and her father most of the time over sleeps - maybe he mentally relies on me - however, mentally I think I annoy him - and I don't give a hoot. We will be leaving on a undisclosed destination for an undisclosed time after we sell our home and they will all be on their own because I won't answer my cell phone. Talk about Tough Love - that's the name of the game. I'm too much of a patsy right now - just can't let my granddaughter be late for school, it's ingrained into my sense of responsibility.

Retirement is suppose to mean freedom and we have that maybe 33% of the time, the rest we do have responsibility to helping with granddaughter, but soon that will be cut off when we leave town for places unknown. This is a dream mind you - I feel as though I don't have much time to experience fun and the thrills of life before I crumble up so I am dreaming of the day when Bob and I can jump in the truck and say "hidi-ho.....adios!!" I'll keep you in informed.

Retirement on the positive side is playing with my computer any time I want. There are all sorts of moans and groans from the peanut gallery about my addiction to FaceBook, FarmTown, Twitter, my blogs, and emails, etc, but who cares. I have to give up playing my music at the volume I enjoy so I can sing as loud as I want (off key). Just because I am retired doesn't mean I have suddenly gained a beautiful tone to my singing but it does mean I can hide in my out of the way office and enjoy the melody to the fullest sense of my favorite music. But, there again, responsibility and consideration which has been instilled by the love from God prevents me from disturbing any sleeping bodies that may reside in the home off hours. I could use earphones to silence the music but the singing would probably be the most annoying, so why push it.

So, as I approach my 65th birthday in a couple weeks, I want to go to Disneyland, visit President Ronald Reagan's library in California, and see some friends in Huntington Beach, but I'm not sure this wish will be fulfilled. Wouldn't you think after all this time on this earth I could have this wish - - well, maybe, possibly. I'll let you know.

Finally, I have some girl-friends who do not enjoy having their husbands at home after they retire - one in particular told her husband she didn't want him to retire. As fate would have it, she died of cancer and because he was retired he took care of her until her last days on this earth. That was my brother who tenderly cared for her even though he realized how she felt. Sad! I do love my husband and I do love having him home and can't wait to head out in the truck traveling together. We have so much fun being retired, and I guess we've had fun most of our live together.

Life is so unpredictable and we never know what tomorrow will bring despite our dreams and hopes. It can be so frustrating when you want something so badly but have to settle for second best. It may be more comforting if I could accept second best as the best without realizing that may be the best of life at the time. Humor has been my daily dose of medicine to cover up disappointments. Hope is another virtue present that endures and pursuades the senses there is something better but it essential to have Faith. I know God is with me always and the reasons for my existance and my circumstances are His as He guides me along this Life path every day I am on this earth.

Fickle Finger of Farming, Fame and Fooie

2009-07-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

I've just come from my Farm Town the application on FaceBook where one of my FB friends had a link to a cooking blog. I wanted to link to it on this blog so I felt rather guilty and two-faced not stopping by to write something. I am torn between the two addictions now but all my time has gone to FaceBook and my Farm. I've included my Farm as it it right now. I have planted Peppers because they make more coins but they haven't matured. There are trees all around and lots of flowers and farm animals, kittens and dogs. I am staying in the middle of my field but I am very small. I continually add flowers and will be adding ponds and water ways and other things. Some farms are very elaborate. It's a fun thing.

There is huge FarmTown competition here in the family between granddaughter Alex, husband Bob and me. I am trying to be mature about the whole thing but you can see it in their eyes as they watch my coin count continue to collect as well as the trophy number and the awards. Alex has come unglued to the point of tears over several issues since she has started her farm. She has even worked Bob, promoting herself and her job skills to cultivate over mine - when you share cultivation the helper earns coins and the farmer earns more coins. It is so silly it is funny.

This morning Alex expanded her property which of course changed the borders. She isn't experienced enough to realize the results of her decision and each of us - Bob, Kevin, and I, had to explain how it works but she was too upset to accept our help. I sat down at that computer and explained and began to do some expansions for her until I realized she knew what to do really.

She is very sensitive and wants it all perfect. And please do not comment negatively or the tears will flow. I have been very upset and moody lately and ill tempered with not only her but everyone. I know the reason, but the reason doesn't matter, it won't/can't change because it is the way it is. I guess I've come to the end of the road for now and will just have to once again realize I need to suck it up and get on with it. This is the problem raising grandchildren or having them live with you - ideally, you'd prefer to see them when you are in a loving mood rather than impatient or ill-tempered or feeling poorly. At least, that's how I would like it, but these days that's not how it is here. I guess reality is a better lesson than imaginary pretend.

If you are interested in Farmtown - it is an application off FaceBook and you will need a FaceBook page, then go from there. It's easy.

Plans are moving forward for painting the interior of the house, and I think I've finally convinced myself of the idea that I am comfortable with renting a house for a year after we sell this place. Son Kev and Alex with have to move with us to the next home - and I plan on giving Kev an ultimatum of a year to get his life together so he can go it alone with Alex - maybe by then Alex's mom will start paying something for support. During that year of renting, Bob and I will travel all over and while traveling stay longer at places we think we might like to live and look at real estate.

Bob has now decided he wants to go to Alaska and I suggested he go alone! In our early years of marriage he wanted to move to Newfoundland because he had been stationed there in the Air Force and he really liked it there. It was one place I refused to move to although I did move everywhere else with him in the U. S. when he got an itch in his rear to move on a whim. I won't move to Alaska for the same reason I wouldn't move to Newfoundland - too far from family. After 45 years of marriage, I am sticking to my gun and being where I want to be. I know in a few years I will be having a great-grandbaby and if you think for one minute I want to live so far away from that baby I couldn't see it then you are cookoo! Tom has a girlfriend and they are serious, but not ready to settle down yet and I am glad, but I know the day will come.

Tom did get his promotion to Sergeant and we are so proud. He celebrated by buying a new vehicle that he's always wanted. Good for him!!!

Well, that's it from here and Jeannie Beannie's farm too. I hope you all are well and your life has been going along smoothly. I pray that God will bless you abundantly with prayers answered and many blessings. Do take good care.

Seems like forever.......

2009-07-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, it does seem like forever since I've blogged. I thought I was hooked on blogging until my oldest son Don introduced us to Facebook, then I found Farmtown - a Facebook application. Even Bob is hooked on Facebook and we were competing on Farmtown for the biggest farm and who has the most coins. This all came to the "cross words" status a few days back. I can't say we saw the weirdness in the whole situation, but we both did change our strategy which changed our techniques and now there's no more competitive opportunities in our motivation.

I didn't realize it when I met my husband 45 years ago that he was extremely competitive. In fact, so much so he wouldn't even play cards with the kids when they were younger. I thought that was odd, until years later he admitted it. Now we all have a great time. A while back Bob even spoofed Tom when playing Hearts, I think it was. Tom didn't realize Bob knew the game and was being easy on Bob, when lo and behold, Bob was counting the cards, and won the hand. I never saw Tom's face so amazingly surprised!

It's not like I don't have anything to do because I should be packing up the house for moving. But, I am not motivated and playing Farmtown on the computer is much more fun. I have found friends and kids of friends I knew from places I lived - the kids are grown up now into very attractive mature individuals. This has been a saving grace and a wonderful experience for me to begin communicating with these new found old friends. A few of my friends are on Facebook, but mostly it is their children who I am sharing news with and some have passed on information from me to their moms (my friends). A dear dear friend's daughter is trying to convince her mom to get on Facebook, but so far, no go, but I am getting news from her daughter. Which is wonderful fun.

We've gotten two estimates for the interior painting of the house. I want two more individuals to come in before I make a choice. I do like one of the painters, but I need to have more to chose from at this point. Email from our Realtor has us checking out homes via the Internet which is fine with me since if we do see something we like then we can drive by. None so far have not jumped out and slapped us across the face and said "buy me."

Oldest son Don was home for a couple of days. His birthday is Wednesday and we took him out to dinner last evening to Claim Jumpers. I was looking forward to eating there again. The meal we had on Father's Day was fabulous unfortunately the food wasn't so good last night. I really felt disappointed since I looked forward to doing something special for Don. He hasn't liked having birthdays for years and generally doesn't get a truck load in our area on his birthday. Don was called back on the road this morning so he headed out bright and early but we did have a nice visit. He was able to get some time on his motorcycle too.

Tom is doing well at Ft. Bragg. He called me out of the clear blue - no problems, didn't want anything, just wanted to call - that was nice and a very special surprise. He is trying to get his hi school and college grades together so he can apply for college courses now. I know Tina is behind him pushing and I am grateful. Tom needs nudging in that direction and she is the one to do it - she has the power and the love. Tom is very bright but also a proscrastinator - big time. Tina is very bright too and they make a great couple.

Not much else going on here at our place. I've missed blogging but it is a time warranted attention keeping job. Also, I have to have peace and quiet and no interruptions to keep my train of thought to write. It's quiet in the house at this moment. OH, it is so hot outside these days - temp up to 116 degrees some days. A little cooler today because we had rain in some parts of the valley. Nice!

I finally did get to do what I have looked forward to do for a year - - we saw Harry Potter this afternoon. It was totally terrific. If Bob will go, I want to see it again. I don't think I could go a year before it comes out on DVD before seeing it again - maybe it will be on DVD for Christmas but probably not. I did listen to the (audio) book on CD so I sort knew some of the stuff to happen, but it was great to see it... Really great.

Take good care and God bless each of you.

Nellis Airman Honored with Renaming of Airmen's Center

2009-07-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

So often lately I've heard the comment that many have been paying tribute to Michael Jackson after his death while we have heros who lose their life protecting and serving for our country and they seem to go unnoticed. Today our local news website announced the honor of an airman from our local Nellis Air Force Base.

Air Force Airman 1st Class Jesse M. Samek, 21, of Rogers, Ark.; assigned to the 66th Rescue Squadron, Nellis Air Force Base, Nev.; died Oct. 21, 2004, from injuries he received when an Air Force HH-60 helicopter aircraft crashed during a medical evacuation mission in Afghanistan. You can read the rest of the story on his military service here.

Our local news station KLAS-TV Channel 8, writes a Nellis Air Force Base airman who became the base's first post 9/11 combat death was honored at the base Monday.

Airman 1st Class Jesse M. Samek will be a part of every Nellis airman's life for years to come. Nellis AFB has named the Nellis Airmen's Center after him in hopes no one will forget the young man's life.

Please read the rest of this story about Nellis AFB and comments from his mother here.

We hold the family and friends of Airman Jesse Samek in our prayers.

Fort Drum Soldier Killed in Afganistan

2009-07-12T06:37:00.001-07:00

FORT DRUM, N.Y., July 11, 2009 — A 10th Mountain Division Soldier from Fort Drum was killed when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle in Afghanistan Thursday.

The Fort Drum Soldier killed is Spc. Joshua R. Farris, 22, an infantryman, of La Grange, Texas, who deployed with the 3rd Brigade Combat Team in January in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. He served in 2nd Battalion, 87th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry).

Spc. Farris joined the Army in March 2006 and came to Fort Drum in June 2006. He is survived by his father, mother, and step-father.Spc. Farris' awards and decorations include the Army Good Conduct Medal, National Defense Service Medal, Afghanistan Campaign Medal, Global War on Terrorism Service Medal, Army Service Ribbon, Overseas Service Ribbon, the NATO Medal, and Combat Infantryman Badge.

Our prayers and thoughts are for Spc. Farris family and friends. May God bless them in their time of grief. Sad news.

This entire text was copied from this page at Newzjunky.com, off a Drudgereport.com link.

Koo Koo for Farm Town

2009-07-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks my guilty conscious has played havoc on my constructive energies. It has prevented me from adhering to the tasks at hand even my blogs. My husband reminds me that we are retired and can do whatever we want. I know I have mentioned this before that I have let my household tasks go to pot, but the past couple of weeks have been ridiculous although he doesn't complain. Unfortunate for me, the only outcome from me has been a guilty conscious because I am not motivated even though I know I am delinquent and derelict in my duties to my house. It's the usual stuff although nothing drastic or urgent, just matters of organization and habits, such as, washing clothes, cleaning the kitchen floor, dusting, just those sort of things. The priorities I have managed to do because they are there in the moment, like cleaning the latrine (sounds better than the bathroom, oh, oops, I did say it anyhow!), changing the bed linens, those I am up on - - - but the everyday in your face stuff is squalling out - clean me, do me first, help, clean my spot first! But, I ignore them all and do you know why?

I have become a freak and inhabitant of this d*** computer! Just when I didn't think I would/could find something else to monopolize my free time, Facebook enters my life. Our oldest truck driving son, Don, mentioned it to us a couple of months ago. When both Bob and I signed up and got a pretty good following, Don comments he can't believe we're spending so much time on the page. Well, let me tell you, he was shock when he realized how attached both Bob and I are to Farm Town - an application that goes with Facebook. Don shakes his head in disbelief and I know he thinks we are kookie!! I don't care, really, I haven't told my kids how kookie I think they are sometimes. They seem to have the upper hand of classifying our parenting skills without the realization of how old we are and our accomplishment and the fact we are still alive and kicking. But this post isn't about "them" but more about Farm Town and wasting time.

Oh well, what the heck, does it really matter? It has been fun building a little farm and putting horses, cows, pigs, chickens and all the rest of the little critters on my make believe farm, plus planting crops and meeting the challenge of earning the most coins I can so I can improve and enlarge my make believe farm. Believe me this environment is a better deal than physically working on a farm - been there, and done that, and it is work, hard work, really sweaty work, muscle hurting work and the price is not a money reward but satisfaction of a job well done. And, that is was - it was a joyous adventure and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Opps, gotta run, Bob just came in and asked me to harvest his crops - we both make more coins if we harvest each others crops. I'm growing cabbage right now and they only take a day and made more coins than any other crops. This is just a make believe game, after all!!!

Evian Roller Babies US

2009-07-09T18:11:00.001-07:00

Really cute babies! They are SO talented, don't ya know!!!

Deadly Day for US Troops

2009-07-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

Copied from Sarah Palin's webpage -----Governor Palin Mourns Loss of Fort Richardson Paratroopers July 6, 2009, Anchorage, Alaska - Governor Sarah Palin offered her condolences to the family and friends of two Fort Richardson soldiers who died in Afghanistan. Private First Class Aaron E. Fairbairn, 20, of Aberdeen, Washington, died Saturday of injuries sustained from small arms and indirect fire. Private First Class Justin A. Casillas, 19, of Dunnigan, California, also died Saturday in the same attack.

“These soldiers served with honor and courage,” Governor Palin said. “Both will be remembered as true American heroes. Todd and I offer the families our prayers and support during this difficult time.”

Both men were assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division.

A state flag, along with a letter of condolence, will be sent to the families.

There is additional information concerning additional troops who were killed this week on the military.com website here.

Our prayers to the families and for departed soldiers. May God please bless our fine soldiers in battle and be with their families.

Name correction!

2009-07-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

I apologize, I made an assumption when writing the post earlier about the fallen soldier. The soldier's name is Aaron Fairbairn. I have not seen his rank on line - yet.

Here is a link to FoxNews with more news and information.

Sorry about the error!

Aaron Masters killed in Afganistan

2009-07-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

I just clicked on Michelle Malkin to read the article from the father of Aaron, David Masters. He was passing on the news of the death of his son on twitter. Here is the link to Michelle Malkin's website with the rest of the story. Here is the link to Aaron's MySpace page as provided by Aaron's father, David, through Michelle's website.

Our prayers and condolences go out to the Master's family.

Happy Fourth of July!

2009-07-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

U. S. Marine Helicopter

2009-07-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

A U.S. Marine CH-53 transport helicopter flies over the rugged terrain of Farah province March 17, in southwestern Afghanistan. The Marines, who expanded into the area last November, are soon to be joined by thousands more American troops as part of an additional 17,000 U.S. forces being sent to the war. Getty Images / John Moore

Read more and see more images of the U. S. Marines in Afghanistan here.

Strike of the Sword, July 2, 2009

2009-07-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

About four thousand U.S. Marines including one thousand Marine shooters and more than six hundred Afghan forces launched a major offensive into Taliban controlled

villages in southern Afghanistan on Thursday.

U.S. Marines from the 2nd Marine Expeditionary Brigade, 1st Battalion 5th Marines board helicopters at Camp Leatherneck for a night air assault in Afghanistan's Helmand province Thursday July 2, 2009. (AP Photo/David Guttenfelder)

U.S. Marines from the 2nd Marine Expeditionary Brigade, 1st Battalion 5th Marines wait at Camp Leatherneck to board helicopters for a night air assault in Afghanistan's Helmand province Thursday July 2, 2009. (AP Photo/David Guttenfelder)

To read the latest on this offensive, please go to FoxNews here.