Autumn

Busy day today.  Both Bob and I have annual physician's check ups today.  We went through the blood work and machine tests and today the doc will look us over and give us the results.  Both of us should be find.  Only huge problem is our weight.  So, we'll see how it goes.

I've been on a slow moving merry go round search this way and that for stuff I want to do.  I am a Harry Potter fan, but I feel guilty when I spend too much time reading or listening to podcasts or researching.  I shouldn't since I'm semi-old and retired.  No boss to tell me what to do.  Bob really doesn't care, as long as he has clean laundry and food, he's a contented man.  I wouldn't neglect him.

The weather is gorgeous here in our Valley right now.  I love the fall desert climate.  It's time to take a drive or two up to the mountains and other nice places to see the leaves changing.  Our tree leaves are changing very gradually to yellow just a few at a time.  Beautiful.

I realized why I was depressed and crying, it was the pain pills.  They were also creating other internal problems so I've tried to cut back on them.  I am monitoring my pain levels and activity and using them only when I have too.  I need knee replacement on both knees, but I am huge chicken and don't particularly want my knees cut off.  Once they're gone, that's it, and nothing is ever perfect.  I have too many negative elements going for me that will create problems, I realistic about that, so for now, I'll deal with the inconvenience of pain and walking slower.  With the onset of cooler weather, I am going to attempt to walk more often with Bob in the evening and hopefully that may help.  We'll see.

I'll be adding and changing photos soon.  Hope you are well and life is good and blessed for you.  Take good care, and God bless.

Anxiety Attacks

Do you self-diagnosis when things don't feel right or seem right with you?  Or, do you run to your physician at the first sign of a problem?  Do you have confidence in your doctor to get the right diagnosis?

At my age, how I am feeling has become first and foremost and I've become almost paranoid about how I feel.  When I was young, any pain I had I just brushed it off and keep moving on to finish what job I was doing.  My mother-in-law called me the Duracell Bunny cause I do work so fast and do so much.

It is very disconcerting as each year passes and I move slower and seem to feel worse than the last.  I'm a borderline positive thinker.  I say borderline because if I was a total positive thinker I wouldn't be writing this morning.  I know my environment has a lot to do with my attitude and we all know sometimes you can't do everything to change what's going on in your home to change things.  I've gotten sermons from friends to do thing and that to change things, but have you looked at the economy lately, that does have a little to do with many big things. 

Last year I had a very strange outburst - an outburst that was definitely not me.  I don't know where my reaction "came from" I don't know what caused it.  The doctor sort of blamed low blood sugar, maybe, but I'm not sure.  Recently, I had another outburst her in my home with strangers from another friends family sitting around our kitchen table.  I just lost it and verbally and loudly rebounded to a comment from a young woman dating my grandson.  I don't understand my reaction.  I wasn't sorry either and I'm still not, but I'm confused. 

I have also been crying a lot.  I am very sensitive, but it's not only seeing the soldiers returning from Afghanistan or babies hurt or those types of things which stimulate most feeling people, I cry about more simple things and at weird times.  I just burst out crying, hard and with robust tears. 

I can recover and then joke with my husband.  It's not a depressive mood I carry all day long.  My husband and I joke all the time and I am so glad - it breaks the spell and I want it too.

I am wondering if the Anxiety is due to the pain I am enduring.  I am hoping it is that simple.  My health is near good - I am overweight and we are attempting to lose weight.  We've been on this diet monitoring our intake of food and it's been successful so far.  Both my husband and I are doing this together.  I could blame the change of eating habits, but this anxiety has been going on for a year now. 

I wonder if it's related to age.  I am a senior citizen.  Could it be the economy?  Could it be the fact our youngest son who is 40 years old lives with us with his daughter and has for 5 years now.  It isn't a wonderful situation.  We had four children, raised a grandson, have a mentally disturbed daughter who is stable enough to live on her own, but have this son living with us.  My husband and I have a fantastic relationship.  He is my greatest blessing in my life. 

I know we all have difficulties on this earth.  We are not put here with a guarantee of happiness everyday.  We are not promised total great health.  Some struggle with worse health problems than I, and I know that.  But my life as it is now, is being less and less fulfilling. 

I get so stressed out even going to dinner at a hotel as we did last week.  I can't stand any abnormal behavior by the people around me, those with me in a group - my family or my friends.  Things I can't control, I just come unglued and lose it.  This happened when we took visiting people out to dinner at a big hotel buffet.  They are from Germany and their young daughter kept getting by the slot machines even after they were told many times to keep her away.  A Big Security guard came to me and told me to get her away - - I am old, it was not my daughter.  I was struggling to breath, and he approached me.  There were others who spoke English, I am not sure why he came to me and it was upsetting.  And, I was upset at them.  I didn't handle it well.  Unfortunately, I don't care at this point how I handled it and these are reactions I am not comfortable with.  Another time I would have known better, I would have been more understanding with more patience.

Health related problems, aging, and stress can, I believe, cause behavior problems which lead to reactions not necessarily normal.  I am hoping these are valid reasons for my situation these days. 

If you have had any difficulties or symptoms like these, please share. 

May God bless and keep you safe. 

I feel like a stranger in Harry Potter world!



It's the count down to the U. S. release of Harry Potter Part 2 and I can't wait.  I mentioned to Bob this morning that of my friends on FaceBook there are only two or three others who seem to have the same intense interest as I do and as the oldest of the three or four I wonder if I have my priorities straight - but I don't care about that, but what does it mean for a 65 plus a few years old woman to love Harry Potter!!! 

When I grab onto something with interest it is a full mind obsession.  I will admit there are things about Potter that I haven't quite grasped by I am not bothered by it - I have plenty of time to find the reason, no one's pressing me. 

I am totally and completely amazed by J. K. Rowling and her imagination and there's more to come.  How creative can that be???  Totally amazingly talented.  She is a very humble person.  Her reaction when she saw herself on the big screen at the premiere was sort of funny, she didn't want to look at herself, even though she looked great.  Her reaction was of humility, not concerned with her looks per se as so many big stars are - she just wanted to be with her actors and her fans.
 

I have signed up for Pottermore however I feel like a beetle in a pond of water.  I will wade in until I get a grip of what is expected.  In no way can I compete with the young "wizards" who have grown up in the technology world of computer games.  I am a solid computer person - my computers and I have 3 computers - and I are as close as my favorite wooden spoon or my excellent rubber spatula with the metal handles and my Kitchen aid mixer.  There is no me without computer, however, I may have a higher than average understanding of my machines, I am not as up on the games as many are - I have not delve into that realm of life - maybe it's a fear of become obsessive.......again....on something new.  Just think about it really, this machine can take us anywhere we want to go without leaving our comfort stage for the moment.  Unless the web cam is turned on no one knows if I've combed my hair - amazing and I love it!!  Don't have to prove anything to anyone - but I can fill my mind until it explodes. 

But, back to Pottermore, I am nervous.  I have signed up and they accepted my email address.  I hope I can remember my password.  I do change it and sometimes forget to write it down even if I do it in code, sometimes I forget my code - that's what I lay on being a senior citizen but I know it happens to everyone too.  I am hoping once I am IN Pottermore I will be guided through the maze so I can advance appropriately, I don't want to be stuck in one area.  But, I am scared, apprehensive, by fingers are shaking thinking of this new Harry Potter world that is suppose to offer the fans new information.  I just hope I can get with it and learn. 

I did realize recently that I had a crush on Severus Snape - I couldn't believe it.  Then when I saw "him" at the Premiere I was totally zapped!!!  Alan Rickman is as he is - his voice is awesome.  I told my husband he needed to get a black outfit like Severus and change his voice to a low slow pitch.  Oh - it's ok, we're married 47 years and he isn't surprised by anything new.

Have a truly wonderful day. Take good care. And, best of all may God bless you with all that you need to get you through this beautiful day!

Happy Fourth of July 2011 everyone!

We are watching the 4th of July celebrations from Washington, DC which now is the fireworks displays and the music from our wonderful military bands.  It was a wonderful presentation most worth of our wonderful country.
There are lots of fireworks going off in our neighborhood from all sides of our home as I type.  We were able to see one of the large displays from our back yard.  There were lots and lots of unusual displays by professions shot from the roofs of the hotel/casinos in Las Vegas as well.

Hoping you and your family are well.  Hope you had a safe and happy 4th of July.  God bless America and all Her People.

Reading Club - Agatha Christie

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been reading about Book Clubs and this one in particular which involves reading my very favorite arthor, Agatha Christie. I'm going to post the link which I've copied from a blogger who is involved with this club - and I hope it is an active link, if not, I'll have to do some messing around to get the active link. I will be putting some links on the side of my page too - please be patient with me. I'm not feeling well and at this time reading and my computer are my best friend. 

This is the address to the Agatha Christie Summer Book Club

 

Reading club

Just a quick post today - I just did something new  - I joined an online reading club.  The books will be by Agatha Christie's.  I love her methods and her mysteries, so I am looking forward to posting more about it and the link.

Hope you are well and life is good for you and your family.  Talk to you soon.

The Age of Beginning Forgetfulness

For the second time, that I can remember anyhow, I lost my way while preparing a dish for dinner.  The is a very simple dish.  Prepared it a ka-zillion times for my children and more for my grandchildren.  It isn't important what the dish was as it is the emotion of my moment. 

When you have done something so simple, so routinely, without even having to think about it, actions as smooth as silk, then wham! what a minute this isn't right.  It hits you like a light going out in a dark room.  Like a loud sound in a quiet place.  I went about the movements of preparations, but I knew something was wrong.  I was almost at the end, but it wasn't right, why did I proceed like this?  It's not right but what is wrong?  Time passed, I don't know how long, but enough I knew as the dinner was almost ready, I had done something wrong.  I was able to recoup the recipe from the recipe file which is stored in my brain - I don't write my favorite recipes down, I just know how to do it - never measuring, just know from looking. 

This dish is a simple one, easy to fix, and in the end, it was as it should be.  But, I know the forgetting is only the beginning. 

The other recipe is my mom and dad's famous chili recipe.  I have forgotten it.  This was a recipe created by my mom and dad to serve in the restaurant they owned as I was growing up.  The recipe is nothing like any you'd find in a recipe book or on line.  It was my mom and dad's recipe.  I tried making it the other day, but it wasn't right.  It was horrible.  And, you know you can only serve chili to your family so often.  I will keep trying.

And yes, I have started writing my recipes down.  I don't type them out, I write them down and I'll tell you why.  I have a huge binder, well actually several, with recipes from my girlfriends and from family members including my mom.  Some are typed and many are written.  You can tell the ones I've used more often than others by the food stains on the cards or the pieces of papers.  And, I even have pieces of paper without any title on the ingredients, some have cooking temps and others don't.  If you have the knack for cooking and baking you know automatically what temp to use, but not if you are "forgetful."  So I want my recipes written so when my family goes through my recipes they will remember my handwriting and this will bring back the memories. 

Long time no post...again!

Yikes, this is becoming a like a bad habit this non-posting laziness.  I've gotten too taken up with Facebook and black and white movies on Turner Classic Movie channel.  I will once more make every attempt to be religious and make some type of comment each day.

There isn't a lot to discuss when you're retired and in a state of limbo economically.  Decisions to be make whether to sell or home and downsize or stay where we are for now.  Both my side kick and I would love to move back the the country somewhere.  We've talked about Texas near Fredericksburg.  We enjoyed visiting the area, especially Luckenbach.  But at our age relocating wouldn't be as fun as it was when we were younger. 

Our family which consists of our children and a couple grandchildren live here.  My extended family, father, mother and brother are at another location that I can't go to yet - Heaven.  I have aunts and cousins in Ohio but I've been gone too long to reconnect.  Although I love Ohio, it is a beautiful state, I do wish we had moved there in our younger marriage years.

Our area here has a water problem which means unless something serious is done or God provides us with a lot of rain, we will be out of water then we will be in huge financial devastation.  With that knowledge you'd think we'd be getting the heck out of Dodge, but no, there's too many other reasons.  So we stay but continue looking at houses on line and wondering what to do.

My side kick hubby has a bad cold and has been down and out all week, so we've been living in a pretty quiet state this week.  I have a number of books staring me down to be read.  One is Steven Tyler's biography.  I am a very unlikely person to read such a book - you would think that if you met me, but after watching American Idol for the very first time in our lives, I was impressed with his respect of the contestants.  I like his gentleness in telling each one the good and the bad, where as the other two judges I thought were mean spirited and had favorites.  So, as I've gotten into Steven Tylers book, I realize I'm in for some rough moments especially language.  I'm a big girl, actually and old senior citizen and I believe that I do have rights to "learn" or experience what I choose.  I'm certainly not going to run out now and live a life of sin, it isn't who I am.  I can skim over those rough parts. 

Plans changed, grandson Tom just called, his gal Tine is going to nursing school and she wants to come over and take our blood pressure, a class project I suppose. 

I'll send this on with best wishes and prayers that you are well and life is good for you and your family.  Do take good care.  Oh, I will be updating my photos soon.

Good Friday

It's a day like all the rest except for the knowledge of the traditional worship and respect for what this day signifies.  It is necessity of Faith to meditate on Christ and how this day changed the life of all Christians.  Without this day, the human race of Religious People would not be the same. 

I have not been as true to my faith as I once was - I don't attend Mass like I did.  My belief and faith in God is still strong and I pray diligently as I always did - and I believe He is with me.  My excuses are real to me and my intentions are honest as I do want to do back to Mass, I know something is missing.  But there are changes in my health that prevent me from going. 

When I was young I had so much energy, pills were non-existent in my life.  But all seemed to fall apart as I got older especially when my son Brian died.  I never experienced pain as I do today.  I know I need my Church more than ever.  I need the community of faith as well but this community is different - difficult to fit in, we've tried and it's very discouraging.  Where once going to Church met meeting with neighbors and chatting, coffee, even pot lucks, even breaking bread in our homes together.  It's not like that here - so its not like we tried once, so getting out of that rut and attitude is one additional obstacle to going.  Excuses. 

This morning after watching the morning news I went outside and sat in the sun.  It was beautiful out.  We have hummingbirds who "live" here and one small male hummer was resting in one of the flower bushes near where I was sitting.  He had taken possession of the bush because when a larger male came around the smaller one ran him off, he was chattering and telling the larger hummer off.  My husband eventually came out and sat with me.  He is hard of hearing and could not hear the hummer chattering or the Mockingbird off in the distance singing her morning song.  It is sad when you can't hear the jobs of nature, I feel so bad for him.  He taught me so much about nature throughout our marriage.  He was a city/country boy - his grandparents had a farm and it was his favorite place to go growing up.  He eventually changed made me to a city/country girl too.

But, I'm drifting off the theme of Good Friday.  It is the suffering of our Lord Jesus Christ that set us free.  He paid for our sins but we still have a commitment to follow His rules.  We must love one another honestly, truthfully, and with all our heart and by that we are loving HIM.  You might say there's more to that but how can there be - if we truly love we can't break any laws or rules.  Loving means respect, and with respect there can be no law breaking.  No lying, no cheating, no harassment, no being mean or vulgar.  Loving is caring and feeling compassion and doing the Lord's work no matter how simple.  We do what we can do.  We do what he brings in our life and puts in front of us willingly and accepting. 

This is my humble opinion.

Flustered

I have a bad attitude right now. It's silly to feel like this. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make this wish a reality right now, but life doesn't give us those advantages. Also, this thing isn't that bad to be so upset about but it's the steps one must go through to reach the end result and final answer to complete the solution that is time consuming.

It has to do with the federal government and a benefit - one which a member of our family is eligible. He insists he doesn't need it, but he's only a young man with not a lot of experience of life under his belt - he has no clue, really! We're trying to help and maybe he doesn't what to put us out or maybe be involved. It involved health insurance coverage - the advantage of the new Obama law of children up to age 26 on parents polities.

We were his legal guardians and he is eligible but we have to fill out the right forms even though he had already been on the policy before - new forms, more waiting time........don't like waiting, getting older as a senior citizen has driven out the patience I use to have.

Oh, don't get me wrong in most cases I have tons of patience - I enjoy sitting and watching people in a hurry knowing their haste won't get them there any quicker - or watch speeding care zoom by and realize we'll most likely get the same place they do only a few seconds later - they have the most probably of getting a speeding ticket too.

I waited 45 minutes for a federal person to answer the telephone. He was very nice and helpful however I goofed and failed to take down important information thinking I was going back to an original number for more information - which didn't pan out. I am agitated at myself and at the process. I had more patience and where with all when a was younger, but these day, it affects me to the point of a very bad mood.

It's not the end of the world. My time is not taken up during the day with important tasks. Being retired I do have lots of free time to do this stuff so I should be ashamed of myself for complaining.

My husband just came in and patted me on the shoulder and thanked me for doing this task for him. He dislikes it even worse than I do. It's always nice to be noticed and thanked for a good job even when the job isn't an earth shaking paper pusher event.

I feel better now.

It's already well into the New Year.

I have been so delinquent writing in my blog. I was over come with fun in Farmtown and Farmville on Facebook. My thinking ability to write was removed and replace by competition with my husband. When I realized that we weren't doing anything but sitting on our rear ends doing those two Facebook games, and on yes, then the Vineyard, I sort of threw a fit. He had no time for me. So, for LOVE we gave those things up. It's not that we get more loving but at least we do talk more often. The more loving part has been acceptable as is because of our age and our conditions.

I was thinking the other night "Getting Old" is a good topic and I've probably talked about it until you are bored to tears. Unfortunately, once you hit a certain age your body does change - or well, even illness will change your bodies capabilities, and aging doubles the anxieties.

I have friends who have very full lives. The travel and are very active in sports. They are vibrant and energetic. They are the same age as I am. Our life styles are different and I've had more children so I wonder if that has had anything to do with it. Hmmm, I wonder. Does having kids wear a mother out thus leaving her vulnerable for extra illnesses? My Aunts who had far more children than I did all suffer from one to many sort of illnesses. But, it's too late for me to change that and you might say why dwell on it. And, you would be perfectly correct.

Of late, however, I have contemplated on when exactly I began feeling so very crappy and every year it is worse. Finally, I decided the best thing to do would be blogging it which is sort of documenting, then I can come back for reference. I'll try to vary my topics so not to become so redundant.

I do need to change my photos too - lots of water under the bridge since I last posted.

I hope you all are well and you and your family are all well. We had the best Christmas ever - very memorial. It was nice. I hope yours was the same.

Take care and God bless.