Happiness is.....

Yesterday was Father's Day. In our home it was a very different type of day from any other Father's Day we've celebrated in the past. Bob did receive a special surprise from Grandson Tom who recently was Honorably Discharged from the Army and has come home. This is Tom's home, we raised him and I have missed him so much. Grandson Tom and his gal Tine took us out to dinner to celebrate Bob's Father's day a few days earlier. They were going out of town on Father's Day, they had made plans with friends without realizing it was Bob's special day. Bob is not sticky about the "day" but he really appreciated know thoughtful Tom and Tine were. The restaurant they took us too was very different from any we had ever been and we enjoyed ourselves so much. Tom and Tine also gave Bob a very special gift which he has enjoyed. The biggest gift was the presence of Tom and Tine back home.

As for the other kids, there were no treats or cards, no telephone calls, no greetings except from one son who verbally wished Bob Happy Father's day. I wondered why and how it's come to this.
Bob and I sat outside on the patio talking early yesterday morning about our life now. We've been married almost 46 years and we are both well into our 60s and have been retired for a few years now yet we are still supporting our kids and helping with a granddaughter, we have also raised our grandson Tom who has grown into a wonderful man, but raising another granddaughter is not something I am not up to today especially due to some health problems. Ours is not the only story about adult children moving back home and grandparents raising grandchildren, I hear it all the time now. But, you know what, it isn't fair. I gave up everything I could have been to stay home and raise my kids who were no surprises, these are children I wanted with all my heart. Today as my life is this is not the future I had planned to be living. Although I am so very fortunate to have a wonderful man whom I not only love with all my heart but I like and we are best friends.

When I begin dwelling on these things, I know that everyone has their burdens whether it's an illness or some other tragedy and I know no one escapes this life without some issue to cause distress or unhappiness. I never thought I would ever admit either that today I was very unhappy. I am blessed in so many ways and I try to look beyond the negative but more and more as I enter into another year of my life I am becoming more depressed. I do have health problems, nothing like cancer, but the usual old age things that seem to get worse. It has been my hope to enjoy life and some freedom before it is too late. My husband expressed this same hope yesterday. But, the question is, how do you escape your adult children? Run away?

It is not an issue at this time - running away, we are not in the position to do so either responsibly or financially, but I am hoping within the next year we can. My big plan is to sell our big home, downsize to a small place, buy a small motor home then leave town for parts unknown for months on end. And, that's where the happiness comes in.......we talked about where would we go, where is my favorite place and I always say it's Maine. We went there a couple of years ago in the fall right after Bob retired and we also went there when Brian was alive and we had the motor home and Tom was with us too. The beaches are beautiful and the sand is firm for walking. I didn't want to leave. Both visits were so memorable and wonderful, I can't wait to return.

We also love Montana especially in the northern section near Canada. We went to Banff National Park in Canada, about 8 years ago and took Tom. We went through Glacier National Park and Lake Louise - oh my, the scenery is so breath-taking. Those places are happiness to me, peaceful and beautiful. Then there's Ohio where my family and friends live. Ohio also provides a bountiful of places to visit and enjoy. We saw Charleston, SC, on one of our trips to visit Tom at Ft. Bragg, NC, when we were taking his car out to him. Charleston was marvelous and we have a granddaughter living just a few miles from there. We haven't been to Florida either. Oh, I can't forget to mention Monticello in Virginia. I had forever and ever wanted to go there and we went during our retirement trip. It is so beautiful and awe inspiring. I am glad we went there but there are so many more states we haven't seen.

And so I ask, is happiness all a frame of mind? Is it the life we create around us? Or is it a place or the people? I struggle to make each day a good day and not be too grumpy about my problems with my adult children - but they are burdens and I can't seem escape their lives even mentally. Somedays I do want to run away and I would not feel guilty if I could. I am not impulsive and must have everything done right before I run.

But, you know what scares me, this is weird, and yes, we do pray, I pray for help, guidance, assistance, and all that - for both me and the kids, but I know too, sometimes you get what you pray for so you must be careful what and how you ask, at least that's my experience and my impression. I'll tell you why - - I prayed for a close family this was due in part to the enormous problems I had with my husband's mother. Well, I got a close family alright, they moved in! So, do we need to put exclusions on our prayers for help to God, like "either or" or "this way but not that" or not ask at all. Does it matter anyhow? Will we get what's coming to us whether we pray or not? The trials seem to go on and on. I can't find a way out even though I don't want to become overwhelmingly negative. Sometimes I'm not really sure about praying either.

I do feel so fortunate God brought Bob and I together. He is the sunshine of my day and I am thankful for his presence in my life and do not take him for granted. He is the Gift from God that keeps me focused forward because we talk together and try to work out our plans and goals.

Maybe next year I will be writing about something new from a new place. Even at my age, I have a dream. I am not looking for something better because I have it good, but I look for peace in my daily life and freedom in my home. I don't want my children out of my life, I just want them in their own homes and out of my kitchen.

Father's Day

What makes a good father? Because we are each different, our answers would be just as different for what makes a good father. This morning on our Sunday Morning program the Father's Day interview was with the Gate's Family - yes, Bill Gates the Microsoft man, but it was about his father Bill Gates Sr., his two daughters and the one son. They were all perfect, perfect life, gorgeous home, and all is well. The image of the Gate's family doesn't fit my life at all, not in any sense.

My father is buried in the cemetery in our town. He was a hard working man, I remember that about him. He was not a huggy man, at least not with me. but he was with my children. He was a devoted father and was always there for me - always to the end. I don't remember him saying he loved me but I grew up knowing love was more than words. I learned through experience that saying "I love you" can come easy from some but being responsible for Love was a completely different exercise of life.

No matter the problem my dad was there for me and I tried to be there for him when he needed me but I feel as though I failed. I do know this, some men need to be the leaders always and don't want to be needy. They want to always be in control and my father was one of these. It was tough for him after my mom died. My husband, the two youngest of our four children and I picked up and moved from one state to where dad lived to help him because he had no one - no friends and no other family nearby. I was his daughter and he was the strong father figure and he had difficult adjusting his authority, adjusting his life, or accepting his failing health. I was his faithful daughter until his end. But his end wasn't as anyone would have wanted for their father or for themselves to experience. It was a painful and awful ordeal, one so much so I can't write about it.

I struggle this day remembering all the events in my life as a daughter and a human being attempting to understand why I was chosen to have to deal with them. And on this Father's Day as I read loving comments from sons and daughters to their fathers I remember my dad as he gave his all for his family and his total commitment and love to my mom. He did his best. His own life before my mother was very hard, so I understood many things about my dad and accepted much that was unspoken because of the times.

The lesson I learned from him was the depth of his love and commitment for my mom and me, and my brother too. It was a very important lesson. I wish we could have been better friends but it is what it is......that's what I always say.

A very special day

I do have remorse for now tending to my blog pages - I think about you often, but I've been so busy with Facebook. I must confess I've also neglected Twitter, shear neglect to all. Facebook is so much fun and it is the social network over the top.

I would like to say, if you haven't tried Twitter, it's worth at least an attempt. It's a very quick way of either voicing your opinion or communicating with your friends. I have twitter friends from all over the place - a variety of interests. The good thing is you can choose who you want to follow you and it's easy to decide to follow someone. Pretty cool. My Twitter is basically for political following, but I do have Martha Stewart, Lou Dobbs, Bill Hemmer, Karl Rove, and even MC Hammer! How cool is that! Anyhow, just wanted to mention.

Yes, today is a very special day - our boy comes home from the Army. Soldier Tom is no longer Soldier Tom but Civilian Tom. He decided to become a private man and signed the papers last week. He is coming home with a little more than what he left with in 2007. He is bringing home his gal Tine and their dog Peanut. We met our new "family members" last Christmas. We love them both and they fit right into our wild and crazy family.

I have an Open Door policy - whoever comes in my home helps themselves. I use to be a waiter-upon-all, but as I have aged I said "what the heck' and just decided to let everyone help themselves. If you want a cup of coffee - get it yourself. My refrigerator has always been an open door occasion - not by choice but because everyone who comes home the first place they head to after the "potty" is the refrigerator. If you are hungry and can find something to eat - have at it. It works for me and I don't have to worry about trying to please anyone. Also, I think right off it puts someone at ease - no fussing. So far it's worked, I'll stick with this plan until something better comes along.

Getting the house all spruced up for Tom's homecoming is not necessarily a big deal, but it is when you are over 65 and everything in you body yells - "slow down, you are not 35 anymore" oh my gosh, I have to begin organizing my to-do list months in advance so I have all my chores completed, but why oh why are there always more things that crop up at the end!!! yikes! It's just the think of wanting everything to look nice when they have been gone for so long. He has served his country with honor, he was a good soldier, his commanding officers said so - so the least I can do is make his homecoming wonderful. I know, I didn't make a sign, we always do signs, oh well.

This is the beginning of a new life for Tom, Tine and Peanut. The two of them will be going to college, well, Tine will attend the university, she's already signed up. Tom is an amazing person. He has a fabulous sense of humor and I love having him around. I can't say he hasn't driven me crazy because he has. When he was young he was a real worry but as he got older he learned to become more considerate. For Tom, I knew that loving him without borders would bring out the best in him - I have faith in him and knew he could do it. I wonder why that strong emotion that comes from a mother's love isn't reflected in all her children.

I have other children who falter along the way - I can see their potential, but also realize there is something within them that keeps them from succeeding although I don't know why. You see their positive abilities and how they apply themselves in those areas, but fail in ones that they need to grow in to survive. Is it my fault because I come to their aid too often, when should you use tough love, what are the rules for "always being there?" I feel as though my adult kids are blind to my ageing issues. It is becoming a real problem in our family between my husband and I and the kids. Our daughter has a mental illness and she is convince we are super people. I finally had to be firm in my response to helping her AGAIN!!! No, enough is enough!!!

Bob and I have not yet had the opportunity to enjoy our golden years because we are still helping raise grandchildren - not babysitting, but supporting...It is such a different lifestyle to have grandchildren live with you. There are times where it can't be helped - our situation today is one of those, but we do expect our son to get busy and try to make a life for himself and his daughter but it doesn't seem to be happening.

But - aside from all the family problems, we have Tom. My girlfriend said last night, it will be good to have Tom home because he brings so much to our home. He doesn't complain, he doesn't come in the door with problems, he's never grouchy, always has something funny going on and he has brought game playing back to our home - I love to play cards and board games - my husband won't but Tom will and we can get my husband in on it too - - it is so much fun!!!

I talked to Tom a little while ago. They are still on the road, hopefully, God willing nothing goes wrong today and they will be home tonight. He asked me if I was going to the store today and I said yes, Costco, he paused and slowly replied - and I'm thinking, oh no, he wants something really big--- they he said "I need some crazy glue!" I almost croaked, how simple is that!!!! So funny, I wasn't expecting that!!!

So that next time I write, and I promise to do better - Tom, Tine and our granddog Peanut will be home.

Do take good care and God Bless YOU!!!