Bob did receive a special surprise from Grandson Tom who recently was Honorably Discharged from the Army and has come home. This is Tom's home, we raised him and I have missed him so much. Grandson Tom and his gal Tine took us out to dinner to celebrate Bob's Father's day a few days earlier. They were going out of town on Father's Day, they had made plans with friends without realizing it was Bob's special day. Bob is not sticky about the "day" but he really appreciated know thoughtful Tom and Tine were. The restaurant they took us too was very different from any we had ever been and we enjoyed ourselves so much. Tom and Tine also gave Bob a very special gift which he has enjoyed. The biggest gift was the presence of Tom and Tine back home.As for the other kids, there were no treats or cards, no telephone calls, no greetings except from one son who verbally wished Bob Happy Father's day. I wondered why and how it's come to this.
Bob and I sat outside on the patio talking early yesterday morning about our life now. We've been married almost 46 years and we are both well into our 60s and have been retired for a few years now yet we are still supporting our kids and helping with a granddaughter, we have also raised our grandson Tom who has grown into a wonderful man, but raising another granddaughter is not something I am not up to today especially due to some health problems. Ours is not the only story about adult children moving back home and grandparents raising grandchildren, I hear it all the time now. But, you know what, it isn't fair. I gave up everything I could have been to stay home and raise my kids who were no surprises, these are children I wanted with all my heart. Today as my life is this is not the future I had planned to be living. Although I am so very fortunate to have a wonderful man whom I not only love with all my heart but I like and we are best friends.
When I begin dwelling on these things, I know that everyone has their burdens whether it's an illness or some other tragedy and I know no one escapes this life without some issue to cause distress or unhappiness. I never thought I would ever admit either that today I was very unhappy. I am blessed in so many ways and I try to look beyond the negative but more and more as I enter into another year of my life I am becoming more depressed. I do have health problems, nothing like cancer, but the usual old age things that seem to get worse. It has been my hope to enjoy life and some freedom before it is too late. My husband expressed this same hope yesterday. But, the question is, how do you escape your adult children? Run away?
It is not an issue at this time - running away, we are not in the position to do so either responsibly or financially, but I am hoping within the next year we can. My big plan is to sell our big home, downsize to a small place, buy a small motor home then leave town for parts unknown for months on end. And, that's where the happiness comes in.......we talked about where would we go, where is my favorite place and I always say it's Maine. We went there a couple of years ago in the fall right after Bob retired and we also went there when Brian was alive and we had the motor home and Tom was with us too. The beaches are beautiful and the sand is firm for walking. I didn't want to leave. Both visits were so memorable and wonderful, I can't wait to return.
We also love Montana especially in the northern section near Canada. We went to Banff National Park in Canada, about 8 years ago and took Tom. We went through Glacier National Park and Lake Louise - oh my, the scenery is so breath-taking. Those places are happiness to me, peaceful and beautiful. Then there's Ohio where my family and friends live. Ohio also provides a bountiful of places to visit and enjoy. We saw Charleston, SC, on one of our trips to visit Tom at Ft. Bragg, NC, when we were taking his car out to him. Charleston was marvelous and we have a granddaughter living just a few miles from there. We haven't been to Florida either. Oh, I can't forget to mention Monticello in Virginia. I had forever and ever wanted to go there and we went during our retirement trip. It is so beautiful and awe inspiring. I am glad we went there but there are so many more states we haven't seen.
And so I ask, is happiness all a frame of mind? Is it the life we create around us? Or is it a place or the people? I struggle to make each day a good day and not be too grumpy about my problems with my adult children - but they are burdens and I can't seem escape their lives even mentally. Somedays I do want to run away and I would not feel guilty if I could. I am not impulsive and must have everything done right before I run.
But, you know what scares me, this is weird, and yes, we do pray, I pray for help, guidance, assistance, and all that - for both me and the kids, but I know too, sometimes you get what you pray for so you must be careful what and how you ask, at least that's my experience and my impression. I'll tell you why - - I prayed for a close family this was due in part to the enormous problems I had with my husband's mother. Well, I got a close family alright, they moved in! So, do we need to put exclusions on our prayers for help to God, like "either or" or "this way but not that" or not ask at all. Does it matter anyhow? Will we get what's coming to us whether we pray or not? The trials seem to go on and on. I can't find a way out even though I don't want to become overwhelmingly negative. Sometimes I'm not really sure about praying either.
I do feel so fortunate God brought Bob and I together. He is the sunshine of my day and I am thankful for his presence in my life and do not take him for granted. He is the Gift from God that keeps me focused forward because we talk together and try to work out our plans and goals.
Maybe next year I will be writing about something new from a new place. Even at my age, I have a dream. I am not looking for something better because I have it good, but I look for peace in my daily life and freedom in my home. I don't want my children out of my life, I just want them in their own homes and out of my kitchen.
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