Today's Remembrance

Today my husband went to a memorial service for a young woman who was only 26 years young. Bob had worked with her father and mother at Hoover Dam. We heard about the death of the beautiful girl through a friend of mine whose husband works at the dam as well. The mother of the young woman had been friends with Bob and they often had discussed situations that happened as they raised their children. This young woman who died was their only child.

She was doing what she loved. She was riding her horse, something spooked the house and it threw the young girl and the horse fell on her. That is the story I was told. She died instantly.

In April, we will look back 10 years since our son died and the pain and sorrow is still very real. Does it get easier - no, it doesn't. Everyday we miss him. I cried when I heard about her death because I knew the pain of the mother.

Bob said he never attended a funeral service where there were so many people in attendance. There were no parking spaces so people had to park on the street and walk a distance. There was standing room only. She was well known in her community and well liked.

Bob said it was all he could do to walk in the building. His pain was strong because he knew. He had to sit down and compose himself before approaching his friends to express our condolences. I couldn't attend, I just couldn't. I cried as I watched Bob get ready to go, I cried as I watched Bob drive down the street. I didn't want to be so out of control at this time in respect of those dear people. There will be another time to be with them.

Bob said they were handling it better than him. Well, you do, don't you. While everything is going on, and everyone is around to console you, you are busy taking care of business and seeing that everything and everyone is taken care of - you think of everyone else at a time like this ========until everyone is gone, until the last relative goes home, until you are in that house alone with only the sound, the smell, the quiet, then it hits you, and it never ever goes away.

Bob said they had a prepared slide show of her life with the music she enjoyed playing in the background and it was very soothing. Her girlfriends had poems, her boyfriend spoke a few words to personal tribute and their minister and others gave a memorial as well. It must have been a beautiful tribute to a very loved woman who left this life too soon - she left this life to go to the Father. The Father wanted our son Brian sooner than we wanted to give him up too. It is the most difficult experience to come to terms with in life, giving up a child before their time, what we believe is their time.

I can't stop crying today.

Time to clean house

A couple of things...................Hope you had a special Valentine's Day yesterday! Granddaughter went to her friend's house I'm so glad, she needs to be around kids her age more often. We finally decided to go out to eat, I didn't even make pancakes for breakfast. Went to Metro Pizza, our favorite place to eat, a tad pricey, but service is terrific and food outstanding. Nice time.

Must get in gear and get some spring cleaning and clear out going. The temp is warming up here in southern desert area, so maybe that's a stimulant to get busy. Only three plus some months and the kids - Tom and Tine will be home, so as slow as I work these days, I'd best get on it. They'll be with us until they find someplace permanent to live. Both will work and go to college full time, and we'll have our grand-dog too - yippee - really, can't wait! I miss having a dog in the house. We've had some kind of animal since we were first married. After my yellow lab, Angel, died a couple years ago, Bob said no more until we move - especially for showing the house when it's up for sale - don't know when that will be.

My thought for today has been centered on regrets. Do you have regrets? Do you wish you had made a decision differently when it was in your control - but you made it one way and look back and regretted the choice.

I have several regrets, admittedly my choices were my decision without any pressure. The most recent was several years ago. I made a decision to go in a direction taking a job which seemed the safest at the time and with that came opinions about the previous job. I am easily led and have a big mouth. I regret my actions so much because I lost a good friendship. There was a lot to this particular experience, but I know in my heart how I behaved, what I did and what I said was tacky. I am gullible. Now I am living with a guilty conscience. I have attempted to patch it up, but it's not happening. This was one of those things where you learn the lesson to be responsible for what you say and to guard your opinions because they can come back to haunt you.

Busy Monday here in our household. Beautiful sunny day out, temps up near the 70s. Gathering things to give to Charity - we have lots of things we need to clear out and I don't do yard sales. Clear outs are my focus this week. Need to clean out the spring flower beds too. The spring bulbs have about four inch growths on them and there's winter debris around them which is a distraction. Bob and I will work together today to accomplish a few enjoyable necessary tasks.

Hope you are all well and life is good where ever you are. May God bless you abundantly with good health and a great day. Take care.

Valentine's Day

It's 8 AM, just finished watching our usual Sunday morning program and now Bob is taking out the trash and will feed the birds, then back to bed. We woke up and GOT up at 3:30 this morning - it is the craziest thing. I guess it's a bad habit we've started but when you're retired and have no where to go, who cares, it really doesn't make any difference how many naps you take or how long you sleep.

Since Christmas, it's been pretty quiet around here - Bob did have to get up and out of the house early when we was taking his radiology treatments, but they are finished. And the treatments made him extremely tired, so there was a reason for the weariness, but normally, it's just a "whatever' kind of lazy environment around here.

Our Valentine's day has started off differently than any of the others in the past - there's no chocolates, no flowers - although we did buy a potted mum plant to replace one that passed away and he wanted to leave it on the table "to enjoy" for awhile - he said. We're not going out to eat, but I do plan on cooking him pancakes if he will prepare the rest - he likes a big breakfast, I don't. So, that is our agreement, and I'll see about the rest of the day and maybe come up with something special for dinner. I'll have to check out the freezer for ribs or something.

It looks like spring outside and it is a beautiful day. There are lots of birds hanging around, feeding and doing their spring thing. We started walking finally. I am a disaster at exercising. I use to go to the gym and do aerobics for an hour then ride the exercise bike for 30 minutes. Heck now I'm lucky to walk it around our part of our acre property that is vacant twice without breathing hard. Of course, we both still have the knee problems which we haven't done anything about yet, but if we take it easy it's okay. I am making a concerted effort to change my activity this spring and with Bob's support, I will succeed. Knee surgery is on hold for both of us - for now.

We did buy lovely Valentine's cards for each other although it was at the same time, at the same store. Boy, that was uncomfortable and sort of funny! He had to leave the area as I searched and I had done the same for him. After we got home I had Kevin take Bob's card out of the bag so Bob could hide it. Seems sort of goofy! We haven't exchanged the cards yet - probably over pancakes this morning - oh, he did suggest going out for coffee and Crispy Creme donuts for breakfast, but I declined, rather eat at home.

I hope you have a lovely day! Take care and God bless.

Computers are Frustrating Machines!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the grand scheme of life, there are several goals I am striving to achieve in my lifetime. A couple I have my doubts of reaching but one task at hand, today, here and now, within reach is driving me nuts. Just when I think I've got a good handle on it, yeikes! something else stands in my way. This isn't for everyone. Some of my friends will think this is so boring. Those who know me well wouldn't be surprised but would most likely run away in the opposite direction. I don't have any friends to interact with on this either, even hubby is in the dark and for the most part, I'd rather he stay out of it. I know I have written recently how wonderful he is, but there are dark sides of our relationship - disagreements on how some things should be handled, dealt with, done, ended, stopped. Computers is a very huge sore spot between us - he has his and I have mine - he is absolutely positively not permitted to touch my computers. He puts a curse on my stuff. We have different ideas, so to be safe no, nadda, nil.

Ok, so you've probably come to the conclusion it is a computer related thing, yes, that's correct! For ever and ever, I have wanted to achieve organizing my photos in some type of filing system on one computer. Seems simple enough but I have blotched it up so many times - I didn't need Bob's help either. DON'T say it - no, I am not asking for his help.......no way!

So now I have this new laptop, I've gathered all my memory cards and sticks and back ups and copied everything important from my other HP tower which still has Vista - I am going to install Windows 7 on it and want to get all my important data and photos off it just in case - they do recommend that in the instructions. I have recognized my "doo-doo" mistakes throughout the years and realized that I have copied numerous photo over and over numerous times, so I have umpteen duplicated copies of MANY photos.

Unfortunately to my huge disappointment I discover this computer has at least three different photo programs and the one that pops up to show the photos from my memory card is horrible - its installed HP programs. I've tried everything to find where I can change the default without any luck - they do this on purpose, I think, to keep us crazy. Oh, my Holy Mother of God, Our Father, who art in Heaven, please help me!!! Nothin is simple! Then I found my Canon camera CD with a photo program on it and installed it, thinking it should be the best, wrong! holy cow, it was so complicated, even I couldn't figure it out - it was my best guess the program was for advanced photographers which I am not. I just want a simple, but good photo program that will help me catalog my photos appropriately. I have discovered a way to open my photos at last in the program I want but it is time consuming and I know it should be easier than this.

At this point, I have decided to take the time and attempt to sort out the duplicated photos and delete then copy every photo onto the portable media drive I have which holds 350 gigs and that's a lot of photos.

I remember the days when we put our photos in Family albums - remember the day of Kodak 200 speed film, and then came CDs, oh yes, I have loads of them too but at least I have photos from the CDs. Today we have the opportunity to save our photos on the Internet, but in my opinion not everything is safe on some Internet technical storage format somewhere out there in the universe. I do like Picasa - a Google storage format, but with the insecurity of our economical market and the possibility that Google could be sold, I don't want to trust anyone with my photos or any priceless information.

I have to find a hiding place for all my little digital memory thingies, a place I won't forget where I've put them. The advantage of the Portable media Drive is that it has a carrying case plus fits into the HP tower computer for backing up data, with connectors for all computers for back up too.

We've put selling the house on the back burner for now. Bob's cancer treatments are finished and he has a check up which will tell us where he stands with that. Getting knee surgery is next on the list, but I will wait for Bob to get his done. I'm going no where with a diet - too much stress and worry. The kids will be home in June and maybe then we'll know what we'll do about the house situation. We are looking on the realtor.com website on the Internet for homes everyday and until something jumps out and knocks us out, we're here for the duration and I'll be at this computer trying to straighten out the mess I've gotten my photos into.

If anyone out there in Blogville has a suggestion for a good photo program for cataloging --- please, help!!!!

God bless you all. Take good care, keep warm and keep safe.

What do you want for Valentine's Day?

Or better yet - what value do you or your lover put on Valentine's Day and how you celebrate?


Hubby and I were just now chatting about Valentine's Day, actually I brought it up, wondering out loud when it was. I was having a memory lapse and couldn't remember what today's date was and when was Valentine's Day. Ok! so it's next Sunday, what now? I apprehensively glance over at him. He is sitting in his chair to the right of me about ten feet away working on his laptop computer while we watch the CBS Sunday Morning program, we never miss it, and I ask him the $24,000.00 question "what are we going to do for Valentine's Day?" His response............silence. Typical....after 45 years, I know it's up to me. He is not the "surprise ya!" kind of guy.

Oops! but then I remember, I already have his Valentine's gift. It wasn't wrapped up in pretty red paper with a giant bow, in fact, it came in a cardboard box with a handle. I was thinking what is one woman's diamond is another's set of sheets, although I prefer pearls over diamonds. And, for sure, not every woman would be so satisfied with my gift that came in a cardboard box, unwrapped. So, I ask "What appeals to you?" What would really set you off and make you ooohhhhh and aaahhhh when you open your Valentine's Day gift? Even you guys, being serious of course - I think of giving my husband a nice cooked meal or going out for dinner to his favorite spot, we don't exchange gifts on Valentine's Day, so I don't have to scan my brain wondering what to give him. I wonder why it's all about the female. Seems sort of one sided. We do exchange cards. He is difficult to buy for, he is the guy who has everything. I'll have to think on that one.

We moved from our designated sitting sites in the living room to the kitchen table for breakfast and now Bob has left the area and is off to take his morning nap - we're retired, but even on Sundays he has routine naps. The area on his forehead where he was receiving radiation treatments for cancer looks good. I hope it is healed on the inside. I don't know how the doctors know just by looking.

Bob has given me many gifts in our years together. He struggles to pick out just the right one. He says I am difficult to choose for and I know it is because we have different tastes. As I've gotten older I face the reality of our differences. It must be realized there's more to love than gifts and the words on greeting cards although the words are true and everlasting and at times necessary to hear.

Today he is very gifted in giving and caring for the simple comfort in life. I waited on him "hand and foot" when we were young - because I wanted to. I catered to his every need because I wanted to make him happy. If it sounds icky and too mushy, it is, but it worked for us. Now, today he cares for me. I have medical needs and I don't have to ask twice or ask at all, he is there, he can predict. He does so willingly, with a very caring heart and a beautiful smile. He would do anything for me - and I know our devotion and dedication from day one has paid off. He needed me when I was young and strong to be his strength and at his side, today as I have lost my vitality I have his strength and devotion as I grow old.

His gift in a cardboard box came from one of our favorite stores. We were shopping for a few items only a few days ago and came across it at the end of the counter. It is something he knew I thought about getting eventually after a few bills were paid off. He said he couldn't resist the glistening and pitiful foreboding begging look in my eyes especially when I saw the price and knew the value plus the warranties - yes, I am thoughtful of those things. He nodded yes, and I think the excitement vibrated through the rest of the store - I have no proof of that but it felt that way to me. I grinned through the remainder of the shopping trip and couldn't wait to get home to open my cardboard box. I had to share my happiness with every employee I saw until the last when I actually picked it up from that special holding place. Jubilee, yippee!

My special Valentine's Day gift was a laptop computer, the one I'm typing on - with Windows 7 - now that is so exciting to me. Bob and I share many things together and he understands how I enjoy having a top notch working machine and it matters to me. I can't wear it around my neck or on my finger, but I do use it from early morning to late evening for all sorts of tasks. This is the best gift of all - finally a computer with Windows 7!

So, speaking as a well traveled been around the block sweetheart, Valentine's Day is so very nice for the young, but when you have years behind you, having a lover who knows your needs and provides your desires when needed, Valentine's Day is everyday.

Fiddle-Faddling around.....

It's Saturday morning around 9AM, watched the morning news and the weather channel, then did Facebook, Farmtown and Farmville and emails. I was surprised to read my friends posts from west Kentucky and surrounding areas post on Facebook they have 8 inches of snow. All I'm seeing on the Weather Channel is Washington DC and their snow fall.

I do get aggravated with the regular cable Weather Channel sometimes, then neglect the weather in the west and are more partial to only the east coast. So here we go again - they left out the mid west. Don't they realize there are plenty of people and weather there in that region of the U S!!! Get real folks at the Weather Channel!!! Hello!

There is total cloud cover in the Las Vegas Valley right now. I can imagine Mt. Charleston is covered with snow, which is a good thing. Our trees are barren but there have been as many as 50 birds resting in the three trees in the back yard. I'm watching it drizzle and I know there is a bigger rain heading our way. When I write about our rain I feel guiltily weird because some of you may have gotten more than your share and I wonder if you are thinking "what's up with that?" Well we've been in a real drought situation. Our Lake Mead is drying up. We need more than one season of rain to fill it back up to the level it was years ago, so that's kinda why I talk about it often.

Bob and I are home alone this weekend. At this moment, the only noise in the house is the air blowing through the heater vents. It is lovely. I can hear the rain falling outside and the birds singing. I enjoy peace and quiet. I love my kids and grand kids deeply, but I cherish the quiet! Bob, for some reason, likes to have the TV on with no sound - personally I like no TV - no distractions.

On a different level - what are your plans and hopes for this year? Do you have something special to look forward to? Will you travel? Or, are you in a conundrum of sorts with so many things to sort out that some days you feel like you'll never get it straight?

I'm like that right now - in a conundrum of decision. In my lifetime, I've never been in this state of mind, is it my age, the situation, too many people involved therefore too many considerations? I never worried about the too many people before, it just all seemed to work out, but it seems like the end with this decision, finality. The last one, so it has be to good. It is a heavy worry weight that I can't get a grip on to solve. Maybe it isn't time yet to solve the problems. I've always trusted in God and knew He was guiding me in all my decisions. There was a peace about it, I knew the decision was right. It's almost like He's telling me to sit still, there's something more to happen, there's more to it, just wait. But, sometimes I have a fear that maybe I'll be too late. I am concerned about our future as so many are today. I know we could screw up badly then be in the poor house if we don't act, but then maybe not - maybe acting impulsively is wrong, maybe that's why the feeling of "wait!" Nothing is falling in place - if it was right, it always did, and it worked. Not today, there always seems to be something new come into the picture of our life.

I complain and grumble about my life, but I am blessed. I see some friends - not all - believe me I wouldn't have wanted to walk in their shoes either any more than they would have wanted to walk in mine and I don't mean that in a negative obnoxious way - but a couple of friends have succeeded to the top in their career field and have had the freedom to travel. I chose another direction of being a stay at home mom. I worked sometimes and after the kids grew up, I had several different and wonderful jobs and attended college all of which helped me realize I had it where I needed it - the creativity and smarts - and if I had to, or needed to work, I could find a job. My life choice was to care for my husband and my family's needs. I'm not saying that working mothers aren't dedicated and wonderful at what they do. I know many women who could handle it all - but for my husband of now 45 years, I knew what he liked, for him this was the route I choose, I knew what was required, no words spoken, I just sensed it.. So I get upset with myself sometimes for thinking about the other direction I could have gone. If I had failed to follow my heart which was and is my love, all things would have been different.

With that thought in mind ----through our belief and trust in God, does our faith instilled us with a "homing device" which is connected to HIM and through that connection we are led in the direction which best serves HIM to love and be a better person?

Waking up with a headache

Good morning! How are you today? Have you had your coffee or tea yet? Breakfast? It's early in our home but not as early as we usualy get up - thank goodness! I don't understand why we wake up so early and I know it can't be for a cup of fresh coffee. I'd received many comments from friends who are retire - especially woman - who wake up everyday around 4AM. I know when I have to get up and I don't want to, I can sleep, so wondering if it could be a mind over matter psychology! I haven't had my first cup of coffee. I know it will help with the headache which almost feels like a hangover headache, but unfortunately there's no reason for a hangover!

Bob's still having symptoms of being so tired after radiation treatments were ended. It is very difficult for him mentally to adjust to these feelings. He is comforted by the fact there is nothing pressing for him to do so he naps peacefully and often. There's something to be said about retirement without strings and obligations.

I have not done any "homework" on this cancer thing so I know dit-squat about this. It must be part of getting senile since any type of motivation to check it out is nil. I don't want to push it aside with the thought "ah, there's nothing wrong" because that could result in a huge breakdown in the end not being prepared. As I posted previously, I cried thinking of losing him. After that post, I cried for several more days. I'm all cool now - I think its a matter we need to get out and do something.

As you know if you follow my blog, my son and granddaughter live with us. Alex is nine years old and very active. She's on the Honor Roll, enrolled in a drama class and a reading class held early in the morning once a month - she really needs and enjoys the extra activity. My son still hasn't found a job and his car got repossessed. We only have one vehicle since my husband retired, so you can see the situation. Alex has the brightest disposition. She is in the preteen stage of a little girl life. She does things like sing and dance around her room, when Kevin pops his head in she screams at the top of her lungs. Kevin is getting a taste of the reaction to come from a little girl growing up and wanting her privacy. She does have a girlfriend and they talk on the telephone everyday. It is so cute. I know, it's not really "cute" but it is special because Alex needs to have contacts beyond our home. My son is sort of possessive parent without a partner to help and he keeps her close at hand. Her girlfriend is a sweet girl and her parents are responsible. It's a good thing.

Yesterday she wore a really cute blue sweater that Bob and I bought her for Christmas. She looked adorable. After school, having changing her clothes, I noticed she had her sweater rolled up under her arm, she was heading out the door with Uncle Don and her dad. They were heading out to the laundromat to wash large items. I asked her about the sweater and then she showed me - it was stained with tye-dye dark blue color. Not in a specific design, but straight across the waistline with splatters of dark blue all over the front of the light blue sweater - so much so the sweater instantly was downgraded from a dressy outfit to a play outfit.
I've tried to wash the tye-dye ink out without success - I think that ink is made to last. If any readers have any ideas to help me get this stain out, I would welcome the suggestions.

No big plans for today except finish today what I didn't do yesterday and be thankful for what we have. I am grateful.

I hope all is well with your family. God bless you! Take good care.

Mostly cloudy

The weather reports says it will be that - mostly cloudy, does the weather outlook sometimes relate to your disposition of the day?

For this cloudy day I don't mind because I know we need rain badly here in our area and with the clouds there may be rain to follow, for which I would be very grateful! And, too, we are very fortunate that it is well known the desert sun always shine. I've lived here for so long, I am not sure how I would adjust to the environment of no or partial sun most of the time. We've thought often of leaving this area but the dry heat and lack of tornadoes are a factor to me for not moving.

It is a mellow mood for the beginning of this Tuesday, Groundhog Day - who really believes in that groundhog anyhow - I can't put my brain around what is and what isn't - if he sees his shadow or doesn't, so what. What if there's six feet of snow on the ground and the sun is out does that mean spring is around the corner? I don't get it.

But, if you come to see my front yard, like I wrote yesterday, you would know for a fact spring is just around the corner here - maybe Jean's Yard would be a better predictor of spring that some goofy groundhog!!

Well, that's all I've got for today. Other than - do you know what you're going to do for the rest of your life? I know from the way I feel today I probably don't have long, but I've thought about taking some college English writing classes on line. I know my grammar could do with some work and writing is what I enjoy doing. I'll keep you informed.

Hope you have a wonderful day. Keep warm and dry - I noticed there's lots of rain in most parts of the United States today. May God bless you abundantly and may you feel His presence when you most need it! Take good care.

Not much happening......

Sitting here watching winter sports on the TV with the sound off - do ever get tired of the noise? As I've written before there are several people who live here besides me and Bob, so there's always noise or so it seems. Sometimes you get to the point where you don't even hear anything, then all of a sudden it's like your brains wakes up and tells your ears "boy, it's noisy!" I guess I did that tonight. We're watching the Luge and a guy just slipped off his sled, slidding the snowy path, wheeee.

I love the downhill in skiing. The participants posturing is so beautiful. I also enjoy the speed skating - awesome. I guess I prefer the winter sports to the summer.

Bob has finished his radiation treatments but he's been very tired and not feeling in good spirits. It's all a part of the treatment, that's what I hear. Its okay because there's nothing pressing for him to worry about - I'm glad. If there was stuff to be done then he would really be upset. Sometimes things work out for the best although I wouldn't say being ill is for the best, but timing is everything - gee, that's bizarre. I am digging a deeper hole, so I'll just move on.

It's unreal to face the fact this is the first of February already. I accomplished some tasks in January but not enough certainly to brag about - but I stuck to my list and goals, so that's something. Valentine's Day will be here before I know it - I'd better get to the store and get Bob a card. I don't know if we'll do anything special, but we should. We spend so much time with our kids and grandkids that we do need to be alone, maybe a night at the Hampton Inn. There is a Hampton Inn near our Costco store, maybe we could go there - the Hampton Inn to spend the night, not the Costco, although Costco is Bob's favorite place to go!!! He doesn't feel like driving out of town right now. It would be a hoot!! It would seem more likely to go to one of the hotels on the strip but the Las Vegas strip will be packed on Valentine's day - its a big time for couples getting married.

I spotted two beautiful yellow crocus in the front flower bed and the hyacinths are popping out of the ground. We have so many robins and the doves and quails are eating the grass seed Bob scattered on the front lawn. Spring is right around the corner from our house.

I am pleased to announce through my Facebook postings and searches I located a grandson I haven't seen in over 10 years. His mother was disturbed with my son, the grandson's father, over money and before I knew it she stopped talking to me - this was right after my son Brian died too. I could never figure that one out because we had been good friends. I haven't heard anything from my grandson other than we are "friends" on Facebook and I am thankful for that - it's something for now.

I hope your life is good and you are well. May God bless you with His abundant blessings and keep you safe and healthy.