Green Pool

There are problems everywhere. Retired on a limited budget. Unemployment high which includes a son who is unemployed with no car and living at home with a daughter. Value of homes have dropped so dramatically - great for home buyers but lousy for those hoping to sell. Political scene very depressing. Health care cost going up as we age and as life would have it, we are progressing into that age bracket of more health problems.

Then there's the green pool. One day the water in the pool is sparkling and enjoyable for relaxing and forgetting all your troubles. But, unbeknownst the green goblin is working overtime as you sleep and in the morning the pool is a slimy green color. How did that happen? Who knows!!!!

The daytime temperature is still maintaining highs of over 110 and a swim would be refreshing, but who wants to swim in green goop. It all seems so minor and it is in the face of all the other daily problems we have. It is a distraction too putting into prospective the important issues and things we could do without.

Although, on the other hand, if this was your house and you had a For Sale sign on your front lawn, would you really want to have a Green Pool??? No, I don't think so. It isn't that issue right now, but it is necessary to clean it up or it will just get worse. Our kids want a pool when they buy a house, so as hubby makes several trips to the pool store, I let the adult kiddies know how much the chemicals cost. Hubby is retired, so he has all the time in the world to spend poolside cleaning the filters and scraping down the sides of the pool for hours in 110' heat. Oh yeah! such fun.....The comment from the adult kid who wants a pool is of unbelievable surprise. After all he is fresh out of the Army and just moved into his first apartment, paying bills and enjoying real Capitalism. It all looks so easy when you're young.

My hubby is a gem. He knows I love to swim, he does too - a fine exercise for both of us. Old age and finances has trimmed the yearn for this luxury, maybe a lap pool enclosed would be nice, but next time, they'll be no pool in our back yard. They are common here in the west so its not a big deal but even so, you know, it's difficult to find a home without a pool.

Hope you are having a great day without pests to deal with like the green algae or bed bugs as seems to have taken over New York! Oh my God, what's that crawling up my leg???? Help!

Letter to a Friend

Good morning Friend,

How are you today? What is happening in your life? I hope you and your family are well. Have you been traveling? Remember all the dreams we had, the places we wanted to visit and things we wanted to accomplish? Where has the time gone? If we had made a checklist, I wonder how many of those on the list would be crossed off.

It's a beautiful day here in Southern Nevada. I have my earphones on listening to my favorite music on my playlist webpage. I was thinking earlier I miss the private quiet time I had back in my office when no one was around. My favorite past time was to turn the music loud and do whatever it was that needed to be done whether it was writing out the bills, writing letters, cleaning up the bookshelves or filing, but it was so relaxing. I was elevated to a higher elevation of my own environment rarely interrupted. It was very refreshing and pleasant.

But, like all things in life when there are children and grandchildren even friends and other family members that have requirements we sometimes have to give up, sacrifice if you will, the pleasures of our life to adjust for other's needs.

I know you have experienced the problem of getting behind in your chores for one reason or another. The family was all home starting sometime the last of May through a week or so ago. I've lost track of time. Being retired there are no beginnings or endings unless someone sets a schedule. Have you noticed how people rush everywhere they are going? Well, friend, being retired I have the pleasure and excitement of watching them in the hustle and bustle going their way. It is amusing too, sometimes in my slow gait I arrive at the same place within a few seconds because I see the obstacles and can avoid them without any anxiety.

When we go somewhere with the kids - kids as defined our own adult children, their companions, grandchildren and their companions - we request they "go ahead" of the pack. Bob and I meander behind at a slow deliberate pace. Sometimes the heat takes it toil on our breathing so we have to pause, but what's the hurry.

It is marvelous to watch a hummingbird for long minutes without any interruptions. Watching them pose on a branch watching eagerly for another friend to visit their feeding table, only to chase their friend off, often playing in mid-air. Taking time to watch nature and be aware of the value of the joy they bring to one's life is a gift from God.

God has given us so many treasures sometimes we miss them in our hurried existence. I have a friend who has watched two doves visit her, landing on her brick wall where she has provided feed. She waits for their return and when there was a length of time they failed to feed, she worried as though they were a part of her family. It is these occasions of life that we miss when we are young and busy with everyday life and making a living.

There is a time and a place - I am thankful to be at this time and this place. I have much to be thankful for, there are some things I could do without, but they are there for a reason. Sometimes we wonder what God is thinking, what does He really want from us........I think this often. "Hello God! Jean calling. Help God!!! what's happening? I really need to hear from You? This time You've given me a doozie to deal with. What's up with that?" I've said these words more often than I'd like to recall. Sometimes there's no answer, but boy oh boy, when He does answer - it is so awesome. When He answers and it's a flat out cold splash of water in the face, I am so shocked but then why wasn't I ready for it!!!!

It's a good day. Thank you my Lord for all my blessings. Dear Friend, I hope your day is fill with so many gifts and blessings today you too are shocked. Please take good care. Love you!

CHRIS BOTTI IN BOSTON | Shape of My Heart Sting & J. Groban

Choice

I briefly scanned an article that came to my email box this morning. The article made the statement "life is a matter of prospective" and I agree. The article's first paragraph stated that sometimes we say or do things we regret but can never take back. I am always say stupid things and I wonder why I can't get my mouth and brain to work together. Why can't I see far enough into the future to realize what I am going to say will both sound stupid and may cause either pain or hysteria. I have been on a roll with that tragedy more recently and I don't know why. After I realized what I've said and mull it over in my mind for days, I make resolutions to be mindful of what I saw - but it doesn't work. I keep on either giving out secrets that I've kept private for years or add situations which don't apply today. Whether or not these misstatements have affected the dear ones I'm talking to was not evident. Then I think, ok, you need to talk to them about it - oh no!!! by bringing it up may emphasize the topic ---- think!!! maybe they weren't paying any attention anyhow --- oh good, can I get out of it that easy??? I think not.

I think I will just wait until the subject matter comes up again then I will try to explain it away! Oh dear me, my mouth really does get me in trouble. I am a senior citizen who has lost good social skills and I am blaming my rampant mouth problems on that!!!

I do have a choice and if I were still a kid, I could hear my mom saying "you need more self-control!" She would be right. I must revert my lack of foresight of the outcome of what I say to attempting to not speak of certain matters without realizing the outcome of my words.

I hope you have a lovely day and may God bless you with abundant graces. Take good care.

Birth of The Blues

Library

Waiting for a few minutes to get ready to go visit our new library in our neighborhood. I am really excited. The new one has better parking and easier access on the outside - even has a drive-through window. I can't imagine!

I have fond memories of walking or riding my bike to my neighborhood library where I grew up. It was a good thing. It wasn't very large and the people were very friendly and helpful. It was a great thing to have growing up. I enjoyed reading the "Hardy Boys" and books like that. My mom was a reader too so I guess she made that impression.

We are taking granddaughter Alex with us. I think it is a good thing to have as a routine visit. She loves to read and is in the reading club at her school. This is something to share with her. She lives with us and I have to admit unfortunately, it is a different life experience when you either raise your grandchild as we did with Tom or they live with you with one of their parent as in the case of son Kevin. They are with you everyday and there are no surprises - and as you get old, surprises are wonderful. We have several other grandchildren around the United States and the anticipations of the time when we might see them is a thrilling emotion.

I buy books routinely but need to get in the habit of borrowing and returning to the library because my budget these days is struggling and straining at the seams. There is a new book out by John Grisham I am going to look for today. He is a good read and I can get through it in a couple of days especially since tomorrow is Sunday and no plans except to visit Brian up at the cemetery. Reading on Sunday is both relaxing and refreshing to the mind - of course, it would depend on what kind of book you're reading.

A lot has happened in this home since I last wrote. We had two months of the house burgeoning at the seams. People in and out - my grocery bill has been out of sight hence the budget reflex!!! Today it is quiet, except for Alex's singing to the music on the radio. I don't mind. Tom use to whistle all the time and Alex sings. Music for the soul.

Hope you are well and life is good in your life and home. May God bless and keep you safe.

I Am America

Unexpectedly quiet

For all the ranting and raving I've committed myself to in other posts about peace and quiet, I am admitting here and now experiencing this quiet is a very weird to silence this morning. For the past six weeks the activity in our home has been like a carnival atmosphere.

This morning our oldest son left out on his motorcycle for a new job. He has been home for all of that six weeks, maybe more. He had come home to leave from here to go to his daughter's graduation in another state, but when he returned, he was notified he no longer had a job. He was very fortunate he was able to secure another job offer and he left early this morning to begin another new adventure.

Each one of us has a different aura that we can connect with whether it's a quiet serene or noisy "hey you, I've arrive, and I'll be here awhile" type. This son was that type - the noisy one. He enjoys conversing, teasing and is a worry wart like his mom's family. So, we know when he is around. He is very independent and won't expect us to worry - he doesn't want that burden. He knows we have enough troubles on our mind at our age.

The two other auras who have been present are traveling. They are medium noise and don't require a lot of attention because they haven't lived at home in years. They disappear quietly and return the same - we have to inquire whether they are here or gone because they are not in the habit of answering to anyone. They are pleasant auras and nice to have around so now they are gone I miss them, but they have left something behind for us to watch - their dog. She can be very high maintenance, but is a wonderful pet. She is starting to show signs that she really misses them. The other day Bob had to do something in Tom's car and he got his keys to go outside. there must be something about the "sound" of the clinking of the keys that woke Peanut up, she reacted with an awareness that she does when they come in the door. Tom and Tine are very active and are active with Peanut ---we are more sublime although the others have tried to keep Peanut busy like taking her for walks and playing with her. But, I think dogs know the difference. She does sleep on their bed for familiarity. I know she will be so happy when they come home.

I love having the TV off. We do have our favorite shows but they aren't on all the time all day. I love quiet and solitude too. I treasure the moments when I have this luxury. There are three other auras in our home I haven't mentioned, I think I'll save for another post.

It is a good day. The past six weeks have been wonderful having the family around, in and out, friends filling the house, food overflowing on the tables and counter tops, laughing, yelling, sports, games, all the things of excitement in the moments-----and it all wears me out in a very positive way. I have slept very soundly.

God bless and take good care. I am so thankful for all my blessing.

The Harmonica Man

The Harmonica Man

An amazing and enjoyable story.

Walking in My shoes

Have you ever had a situation where you were involved as a by stander in a conversation and you opened your mouth and inserted your big foot by commenting on something that didn't concern you? I have a huge habit of doing that. I also learn my lessons the hard way, and some day and sometimes I don't learn anything at all. And, you know once you've said it, even after realizing you should have not said anything it's too late to apologize because you could never right it, regardless. I think to myself "when will I learn!" But I still apologize because I know I was wrong and I am truly sorry for the intrusion. There is an uncomfortable feeling for a while, but nothing more is said, and its is okay. I won't do that again.

But, then, another situation not quite the exact same, very different situation. Earlier I was expressing to a friend of my limitations and my dependence on my husband for assistance in some situation, sometimes more than I prefer. I got the same type of "foot in mouth" from the friend as I dished out, but, she doesn't know it. I had sense enough to realize what I said to another person was wrong, it was my gut that told me - but the issue with my friend now has taken a different turn. There's no body language to read, or voice to hear maybe agitation, it was the written word that affect me. I was going to write and express and try to explain that her judgement was wrong, but I knew unless you get it, you wouldn't understand - and if she had gotten it, she wouldn't have voiced her opinion in the manner she did. Repeating would be repetitious which can lose a lot in the translation. No point!

All this brings me to a thought I had earlier today, a very important aspiration of walking in someone shoes. When we look at our friends, listen to their problems, sorrows, happiness or just a conversation, are we judging as they speak? Do we listen with our hearts or our brains and thinking how we would handle that or pass judgement, or maybe not listen at all.

Through Facebook, I have "found" many friends I went to grade school with and many I knew in other times of my life. I envy some because on the surface it looks like they have a wonderful life, but there are others who have had struggles and are honest about those struggles but really made the best of it and deal with the problems life throws at them. There are still others who do struggle every day and manage, but there are some who from my eyes look as though they've had a great life with some problems, but they look so contented and what they write about is so wonderful and their philosophies are so positive almost to the point of being pushy and sickening. Which makes me wonder if they are thinking of only themselves as being holier than everyone around them.

Ideally, if I could I would like to change my method of reacting right now. I would like to be more conscientious of each person's individuality and set of problems so I could be sensitive and not say stupid things or give advice when I shouldn't - or maybe just listen instead of saying anything. To me, that is an ideal friend that everyone should have - no criticisms, no judgement, only pure honest interest and compassion. It is a lot to ask after all, we just want to help even if our opinion isn't required or requested. We all need just one of those special friends, we're very fortunate if we ready have one.

No one could imagine the depth of my pain from my experiences, but a good friend wouldn't expect another friend to experience anything so horrific. I wouldn't want anyone to experience my pain. I wouldn't want anyone to walk in my shoes. However, I would like an extension of a sensitivity and compassion, but it isn't that simple - no one reacts the way we expect or we think they should because they are not us. They couldn't even begin to walk in your shoes or my shoes because we each have our own pair of shoes that fit only our life.

We are given a special life path to follow, if we have friends who walk beside you down the path, to be there when you fall, or pray for you when you are hurting, cry when you cry, then you've got a beautiful matching pair - but there are those who cannot see or feel because their life will never parallel yours so they will never know your pain, but yet they will express opinions that may not be helpful, in fact painful because they don't understand. How do you respond, with unkind words, with attempted explanations, going back over the expressions of your situation - actually none of the above - if the person understood, nothing would have been said, so any more words might make it worse.

In both my situations - one was created by me toward a friend. The other was applied to me from a friend. In the first situation I didn't walk in my friend's shoes but I should have, I could have, when I realized on my own, I did apologize. In the second situation my friend didn't walk in my shoes but she couldn't have because her path has taken her down a different avenue that didn't run parallel with my path. I learned a lesson this week. I am very thankful and I hope that I can do better for my friends regardless of whose path I am walking beside.

I Fought For You By The Sound Tank

Is there a time for quiet?

Our home has been jumping like a Jazz Concert in the Park since Tom has come home from the Army. As I've probably mentioned he brought his gal Tine home with him and their dog - Peanut. To be honest, Peanut does not look like a Peanut, more like a Sara or Patty or Monique, but Tine loves the Peanut with Jeff Dunham.

Peanut is a lovable dog but her attention doesn't come cheap - there are bribed involved to get close to her. I have followed all the necessary routes to win her over and now we are best pals. She's a sweet dog like no other I've had around. She is a mommy's girl - and that is a new one for me. I have missed having pets ever since my dog Angel, yellow lab, died a couple years ago. Bob said no more. We've always had pets since I met Bob and he brought home a black kitten he found in the parking lot where he worked. It's nice to have Peanut around, she is sweet.

I am at the place in the road where the pavement moves in several different directions and I have to make a choice of which way to go. It is absolutely necessary I chose the right one because my life is moving way too fast for mistakes.

Tom and Tine are starting their life together. They have their apartment, set up to go to college and buying furniture. Their energy and strengths reminds me so much of myself - I could do anything and I had so much physical strength too. I felt a tinge of guilt the other day as I watch Tine help Tom move a huge box downstairs remembering how easy and common it was for me to help Bob do the very same thing years ago. Today I struggle to get down the stairs and heaven forbid, I couldn't carry a thing. It is a sad remembrance although I shouldn't face it like that.

We have a big home and the kids - all of them and their friends, the grandchildren and whoever come in and make themselves comfortable. It's wonderful to have that environment, but I do yearn for privacy and my own space. The decision I must make is about a house and the size of the house to be the new home for my husband and I. We do have a son and granddaughter living with us, but there are several problems with that arrangement that is causing problems and unless our son can change those problems I don't want him to live with us. I worry about our granddaughter, but there are extreme options - something he wouldn't like, but just how long is a parent suppose to support their adult children and grandchildren?

This is the problem. I really yearn to be alone with my husband. We have so much fun together and I don't like having to sneak around to be passionate - it seems as though we've always had someone living with us or we lived with someone for a short time - I want my own place.

I have prayed but haven't received an answer. I know God has a lot on his plate today with all the stuff going on in the world so maybe I'm expecting too much. But it says, asks and you shall receive. I'm waiting. I hope someday I can write the news that we have been given our freedom to live our lives alone. My husband will be 69 and I will be 66, I think it's time for that second Honeymoon, don't you?

Happiness is.....

Yesterday was Father's Day. In our home it was a very different type of day from any other Father's Day we've celebrated in the past. Bob did receive a special surprise from Grandson Tom who recently was Honorably Discharged from the Army and has come home. This is Tom's home, we raised him and I have missed him so much. Grandson Tom and his gal Tine took us out to dinner to celebrate Bob's Father's day a few days earlier. They were going out of town on Father's Day, they had made plans with friends without realizing it was Bob's special day. Bob is not sticky about the "day" but he really appreciated know thoughtful Tom and Tine were. The restaurant they took us too was very different from any we had ever been and we enjoyed ourselves so much. Tom and Tine also gave Bob a very special gift which he has enjoyed. The biggest gift was the presence of Tom and Tine back home.

As for the other kids, there were no treats or cards, no telephone calls, no greetings except from one son who verbally wished Bob Happy Father's day. I wondered why and how it's come to this.
Bob and I sat outside on the patio talking early yesterday morning about our life now. We've been married almost 46 years and we are both well into our 60s and have been retired for a few years now yet we are still supporting our kids and helping with a granddaughter, we have also raised our grandson Tom who has grown into a wonderful man, but raising another granddaughter is not something I am not up to today especially due to some health problems. Ours is not the only story about adult children moving back home and grandparents raising grandchildren, I hear it all the time now. But, you know what, it isn't fair. I gave up everything I could have been to stay home and raise my kids who were no surprises, these are children I wanted with all my heart. Today as my life is this is not the future I had planned to be living. Although I am so very fortunate to have a wonderful man whom I not only love with all my heart but I like and we are best friends.

When I begin dwelling on these things, I know that everyone has their burdens whether it's an illness or some other tragedy and I know no one escapes this life without some issue to cause distress or unhappiness. I never thought I would ever admit either that today I was very unhappy. I am blessed in so many ways and I try to look beyond the negative but more and more as I enter into another year of my life I am becoming more depressed. I do have health problems, nothing like cancer, but the usual old age things that seem to get worse. It has been my hope to enjoy life and some freedom before it is too late. My husband expressed this same hope yesterday. But, the question is, how do you escape your adult children? Run away?

It is not an issue at this time - running away, we are not in the position to do so either responsibly or financially, but I am hoping within the next year we can. My big plan is to sell our big home, downsize to a small place, buy a small motor home then leave town for parts unknown for months on end. And, that's where the happiness comes in.......we talked about where would we go, where is my favorite place and I always say it's Maine. We went there a couple of years ago in the fall right after Bob retired and we also went there when Brian was alive and we had the motor home and Tom was with us too. The beaches are beautiful and the sand is firm for walking. I didn't want to leave. Both visits were so memorable and wonderful, I can't wait to return.

We also love Montana especially in the northern section near Canada. We went to Banff National Park in Canada, about 8 years ago and took Tom. We went through Glacier National Park and Lake Louise - oh my, the scenery is so breath-taking. Those places are happiness to me, peaceful and beautiful. Then there's Ohio where my family and friends live. Ohio also provides a bountiful of places to visit and enjoy. We saw Charleston, SC, on one of our trips to visit Tom at Ft. Bragg, NC, when we were taking his car out to him. Charleston was marvelous and we have a granddaughter living just a few miles from there. We haven't been to Florida either. Oh, I can't forget to mention Monticello in Virginia. I had forever and ever wanted to go there and we went during our retirement trip. It is so beautiful and awe inspiring. I am glad we went there but there are so many more states we haven't seen.

And so I ask, is happiness all a frame of mind? Is it the life we create around us? Or is it a place or the people? I struggle to make each day a good day and not be too grumpy about my problems with my adult children - but they are burdens and I can't seem escape their lives even mentally. Somedays I do want to run away and I would not feel guilty if I could. I am not impulsive and must have everything done right before I run.

But, you know what scares me, this is weird, and yes, we do pray, I pray for help, guidance, assistance, and all that - for both me and the kids, but I know too, sometimes you get what you pray for so you must be careful what and how you ask, at least that's my experience and my impression. I'll tell you why - - I prayed for a close family this was due in part to the enormous problems I had with my husband's mother. Well, I got a close family alright, they moved in! So, do we need to put exclusions on our prayers for help to God, like "either or" or "this way but not that" or not ask at all. Does it matter anyhow? Will we get what's coming to us whether we pray or not? The trials seem to go on and on. I can't find a way out even though I don't want to become overwhelmingly negative. Sometimes I'm not really sure about praying either.

I do feel so fortunate God brought Bob and I together. He is the sunshine of my day and I am thankful for his presence in my life and do not take him for granted. He is the Gift from God that keeps me focused forward because we talk together and try to work out our plans and goals.

Maybe next year I will be writing about something new from a new place. Even at my age, I have a dream. I am not looking for something better because I have it good, but I look for peace in my daily life and freedom in my home. I don't want my children out of my life, I just want them in their own homes and out of my kitchen.

Father's Day

What makes a good father? Because we are each different, our answers would be just as different for what makes a good father. This morning on our Sunday Morning program the Father's Day interview was with the Gate's Family - yes, Bill Gates the Microsoft man, but it was about his father Bill Gates Sr., his two daughters and the one son. They were all perfect, perfect life, gorgeous home, and all is well. The image of the Gate's family doesn't fit my life at all, not in any sense.

My father is buried in the cemetery in our town. He was a hard working man, I remember that about him. He was not a huggy man, at least not with me. but he was with my children. He was a devoted father and was always there for me - always to the end. I don't remember him saying he loved me but I grew up knowing love was more than words. I learned through experience that saying "I love you" can come easy from some but being responsible for Love was a completely different exercise of life.

No matter the problem my dad was there for me and I tried to be there for him when he needed me but I feel as though I failed. I do know this, some men need to be the leaders always and don't want to be needy. They want to always be in control and my father was one of these. It was tough for him after my mom died. My husband, the two youngest of our four children and I picked up and moved from one state to where dad lived to help him because he had no one - no friends and no other family nearby. I was his daughter and he was the strong father figure and he had difficult adjusting his authority, adjusting his life, or accepting his failing health. I was his faithful daughter until his end. But his end wasn't as anyone would have wanted for their father or for themselves to experience. It was a painful and awful ordeal, one so much so I can't write about it.

I struggle this day remembering all the events in my life as a daughter and a human being attempting to understand why I was chosen to have to deal with them. And on this Father's Day as I read loving comments from sons and daughters to their fathers I remember my dad as he gave his all for his family and his total commitment and love to my mom. He did his best. His own life before my mother was very hard, so I understood many things about my dad and accepted much that was unspoken because of the times.

The lesson I learned from him was the depth of his love and commitment for my mom and me, and my brother too. It was a very important lesson. I wish we could have been better friends but it is what it is......that's what I always say.

A very special day

I do have remorse for now tending to my blog pages - I think about you often, but I've been so busy with Facebook. I must confess I've also neglected Twitter, shear neglect to all. Facebook is so much fun and it is the social network over the top.

I would like to say, if you haven't tried Twitter, it's worth at least an attempt. It's a very quick way of either voicing your opinion or communicating with your friends. I have twitter friends from all over the place - a variety of interests. The good thing is you can choose who you want to follow you and it's easy to decide to follow someone. Pretty cool. My Twitter is basically for political following, but I do have Martha Stewart, Lou Dobbs, Bill Hemmer, Karl Rove, and even MC Hammer! How cool is that! Anyhow, just wanted to mention.

Yes, today is a very special day - our boy comes home from the Army. Soldier Tom is no longer Soldier Tom but Civilian Tom. He decided to become a private man and signed the papers last week. He is coming home with a little more than what he left with in 2007. He is bringing home his gal Tine and their dog Peanut. We met our new "family members" last Christmas. We love them both and they fit right into our wild and crazy family.

I have an Open Door policy - whoever comes in my home helps themselves. I use to be a waiter-upon-all, but as I have aged I said "what the heck' and just decided to let everyone help themselves. If you want a cup of coffee - get it yourself. My refrigerator has always been an open door occasion - not by choice but because everyone who comes home the first place they head to after the "potty" is the refrigerator. If you are hungry and can find something to eat - have at it. It works for me and I don't have to worry about trying to please anyone. Also, I think right off it puts someone at ease - no fussing. So far it's worked, I'll stick with this plan until something better comes along.

Getting the house all spruced up for Tom's homecoming is not necessarily a big deal, but it is when you are over 65 and everything in you body yells - "slow down, you are not 35 anymore" oh my gosh, I have to begin organizing my to-do list months in advance so I have all my chores completed, but why oh why are there always more things that crop up at the end!!! yikes! It's just the think of wanting everything to look nice when they have been gone for so long. He has served his country with honor, he was a good soldier, his commanding officers said so - so the least I can do is make his homecoming wonderful. I know, I didn't make a sign, we always do signs, oh well.

This is the beginning of a new life for Tom, Tine and Peanut. The two of them will be going to college, well, Tine will attend the university, she's already signed up. Tom is an amazing person. He has a fabulous sense of humor and I love having him around. I can't say he hasn't driven me crazy because he has. When he was young he was a real worry but as he got older he learned to become more considerate. For Tom, I knew that loving him without borders would bring out the best in him - I have faith in him and knew he could do it. I wonder why that strong emotion that comes from a mother's love isn't reflected in all her children.

I have other children who falter along the way - I can see their potential, but also realize there is something within them that keeps them from succeeding although I don't know why. You see their positive abilities and how they apply themselves in those areas, but fail in ones that they need to grow in to survive. Is it my fault because I come to their aid too often, when should you use tough love, what are the rules for "always being there?" I feel as though my adult kids are blind to my ageing issues. It is becoming a real problem in our family between my husband and I and the kids. Our daughter has a mental illness and she is convince we are super people. I finally had to be firm in my response to helping her AGAIN!!! No, enough is enough!!!

Bob and I have not yet had the opportunity to enjoy our golden years because we are still helping raise grandchildren - not babysitting, but supporting...It is such a different lifestyle to have grandchildren live with you. There are times where it can't be helped - our situation today is one of those, but we do expect our son to get busy and try to make a life for himself and his daughter but it doesn't seem to be happening.

But - aside from all the family problems, we have Tom. My girlfriend said last night, it will be good to have Tom home because he brings so much to our home. He doesn't complain, he doesn't come in the door with problems, he's never grouchy, always has something funny going on and he has brought game playing back to our home - I love to play cards and board games - my husband won't but Tom will and we can get my husband in on it too - - it is so much fun!!!

I talked to Tom a little while ago. They are still on the road, hopefully, God willing nothing goes wrong today and they will be home tonight. He asked me if I was going to the store today and I said yes, Costco, he paused and slowly replied - and I'm thinking, oh no, he wants something really big--- they he said "I need some crazy glue!" I almost croaked, how simple is that!!!! So funny, I wasn't expecting that!!!

So that next time I write, and I promise to do better - Tom, Tine and our granddog Peanut will be home.

Do take good care and God Bless YOU!!!

Knock, knock, knock!!! Ding dong!

It is quiet here at this moment. Husband took son somewhere. I have tons of stuff to do, but rarely do I have quiet moments without interruptions, so I thought I'd use my precious time here with you. I have been on Facebook and Twitter a lot - Facebook is a quick means of visiting with a lot of friends plus my husband and I play Farmtown and Farmville - I am getting a little tired of it so not applying myself as I should, but I do it everyday because he enjoys it. It's entertaining and creative. The part of Facebook I appreciate is the fact of so many friends and family members that I have found - people I haven't seen since I went to grade school in Ohio. It's a wonderful opportunity. The Twitter is mostly for political postings for me. Quick one liners w/links sometimes. I find it inspiring and keeps me in the loop. The news networks all seem to have the same reports hour after hour. People reports a multitude of different happenings and you have the opportunity to follow through if you decide to.

In a couple of weeks, our home will take on a whole new dynamic. Tom will be discharged from the Army. It is so bittersweet decision for me. I liked him serving, but it was his decision to get out, although, he does have the right to change his mind later and still hold the same rank. I have missed him so much. As a young man he was so much fun to be around. He always had a smile and something funny to say. He was an up-lifting soul - he never grumbled or complained about anything. It was a positive force in our home. He will be coming home with his girlfriend and their dog. We love his girlfriend, she is very nice, and treats him good too. We also love their dog - it is so nice to have a pet around. Their dog's name is Peanut and she if so much tied to Tine, I have never seen a dog so attached to it's owner as Peanut is. Our dogs always belonged to everyone - even my dog Angel. They will be here only as long as it takes them to find an apartment. They both will be going to college and working too.

I have had to deal with an infected leg the past couple of weeks so I have taken in pretty easy - it's nice to be lazy for a good reason. I am lazy some days just because I want to, but Bob says since we are retired we can do what we want. I don't buy that completely because I feel as though I need to accomplish something each day - even though housework is a daily thing. I have several chores which I have to accomplish this week, they must be done, so this writing break I've taken is a golden moment which I will make up for later doing what needs to be done. No one is suffering for what I haven't done, so it's ok.

I received a note from a friend - actually she was married to my son Brian's friend. They knew each other in Germany. When Brian got sick, there were several of his friends who corresponded with me. This person has stayed with it since Brian died ten years now - unbelievable that time has passed so quickly - but it wasn't like that at first. Anywho, this person is having some awful problems. She is poor and has bad health. She is a young woman in her 30s I would assume, has diabetes, maybe breast cancer, no insurance. You know, just when you think you are in the depths of hell with your problems, you realize there are others who have it much worse. If I could help her I would, I am strapped for cash and what I had wouldn't even touch what this girl needs. All I have to offer is my friendship. I know when I am down and out and I hear from a friend with kind words of encouragement, it can make all the difference in the world to my day. Sometimes the people around us can get on our nerves and they might be a part of the problem too and a friend comes around out of the blue with just a couple extra special thought, man oh man, what a kindness that is. Please pray for her if you remember. Her name is Joan.

Having this infection in my leg has required doing special wound treatment. It reminds me so much of taking care of Brian. He had a huge bedsore that was all the way to his bone - it was horrible. We did a lot of complaining when we went to the VA hospital in LA - it was their fault it started, they were neglectful. After we brought him home and I tended him, it took me a long time, but it healed up. I know today they have more advance medical processes for healing sores - Doc wanted me to go to the Wound Center, but I knew I could handle it - so far so good, but after my appointment in another week, if it hasn't healed as he wanted it to, then I will go, but so far it looks good. I have a blood problem and have to be careful. It was a stupid accident with a cardboard box.

Getting older has brought out very negative results from my body - like being unsteady on my feet, you know, feeling clumsy. I still have bad knees - need knee replacement which I hope to do this year but doc said I MUST lose weight - boring!!! How stupid can one person be - I know it is the solution to all my problems, why am I holding back!!! I may not be perfect if I lose weight but with the knees replaced and less weight, it should allow me to be more mobile. Bob bought me a 3 wheel bike but I can't get my leg up because of the knee. So, I have made the commitment this week. I don't want it to be a commitment like all the others but I must get this weight off - it's to the benefit of my mind and my body and my future. Why would I give up in my life when I have come so far and I have dreams I want to fulfill - yet to come! I can't give up now......I preach a good sermon to others but I don't take my own advice. You know how much I love my husband, and I just can't see not fulfilling our dreams, I don't want to give up, there's too much ahead. Sometimes I blame my situation here today - the kids living with us, I want to say their stupidity in their decisions but I won't - it gets so old having them around. They are depressing. But crap-o-la, I am tired of hearing myself complain about them Only I can get out and do something about my life - so what if they choose the gutter, I've done all I can - they can't blame me for their problems, they really can't I've been a good mom, too good for them. They don't seem to get it that I need my life now, they don't seem to give a care if I feel bad, so why should I care about their bad times that they have brought on to themselves. Whoa, I didn't mean to get so into it so deeply - it all came out from down in my gut. That's why I'm here, this is my "psychiatrist" couch.

Well, they are back so I've got to go. We are going to go to the Veteran's Cemetery to put flowers on Brian's grave in a little while so I have to get dressed. We haven't visited Brian in a couple of weeks. I didn't go see my mom on her birthday or Mother's Day either - that's for another day. She and Daddy are buried at a cemetery in the middle of downtown Las Vegas, not so good part of town, so we don't go often. The cemetery there is well kept though, she has a beautiful spot. I sure do miss my son and mom and dad, but such is life.

I hope you are having a wonderful day. Do take good care of yourself and each other. God bless.

Thank You Soldiers - Veteran's Day/Memorial Day Song

You're Having My Baby

Happy Mother's Day

Today is a day set aside for children to celebrate their mother. The tradition was started in 1912 and is observed all over the world. President Woodrow Wilson was the president who made it a law in the United States.

"You're Having My Baby" was a song song by Paul Anka. In the video the music and photo bring back the memories of the days we carried our children, the days of wondering whether our precious baby would be perfect. I had my babies when I was young and close together. I was naive and under the spell of my loving partner. I would have done anything for him and having babies was a part of his fulfillment.

I loved being a young mother, I remember that so well. Unfortunately, nothing comes in beautiful wrappings tied with a simple bow that remains unwrinkled and tied forever. Within a few weeks of the birth of my first baby, he developed problems. I was so dumb, there are no instructions that comes with that beautiful package. No directions for how to tell if you have a reliable physician. As a young adult, my experiences had not given my instincts time to develop. I felt hopeless. We were fortunate to find a pediatrician after several weeks who knew what the problem was - our regular doctor blamed everything except for the real problem Had we not caught the problem when we did, he would have died. Our little tiny baby of nine weeks required surgery. Do you know how awful it is too see a little tiny baby laying in a hospital bed with tubes coming out of so many places of his precious body.

Oddly enough, the same thing happened to my daughter when she was a newborn. Fortunately, this time we were smart enough to know what to do. Our doctor was so surprised this could happen to a girl and the second time in a family - he hesitated and wanted us to send her away to a hospital many miles away. We were so poor and didn't have the money to make the drive to visit. We took her to a local hospital and had the surgery performed successfully.

These are only two situations in our long life that we didn't count on to happen when we decide that we want to bring a new life into the world. We have no clue what could or does happen when we have that very important decision.

There are more stories and anxieties - especially the death of our second son. He was a beautiful son, considerate, loving, thoughtful, wonderful laugh, the ideal son.

There are now grandchildren who add a different aspect to being a parent - a golden opportunity to expand on the love that grew with our own children. Love that came from sacrifices. Love from pride of a stage play of kindergartners. Excitement of the experience of the first child receiving his high school diploma. The ultimate exhilaration watching the birth of a grandchild.

Having a baby equals celebrating Mother's Day.

What's your favorite thing to do on Sundays?

When we don't have any firm plans to go anywhere, any chores although we do relax on Sundays - no servile work, and if I don't plan on cooking a big meal, if the day is mine, nothing out of the ordinary request from my husband - I love to come back to my office and play my music CDs with the volume up and mess around on my computer, cleaning emails up, doing Facebook, Twitter, and writing mail to friends.

That's what I've been doing this afternoon. I had the window open for awhile, nice breeze coming through until the air conditioner came on - the temperatures are heating up in our desert climate. Said to get up about 85 today - just the beginning. We've had marvelous spring days. Believe me I am very thankful for these pleasant days because the temps seem to speed up towards 115 quickly. I've learned to think of it in this way - we do have wonderful winter weather and spring weather and only about two months of high heat in the upper 100s - its difficult to tolerate some days, but we know it will pass. When it is real hot we can't go out because it takes our breath away, really, so we much plan the grocery for the early morning, or one store at a time. It is dry heat and yes, there is a difference. I was raised in the mid west and had lived there in Kentucky on the farm when we raised the kids when I was in my 20 and 30s and part of my 40s and you get use to the heat and humidity - the lousy hairdos and runny makeup, but holy cow, when we've gone back on vacation, I find it miserable. So we try not to schedule trips in the summer.

I was just wondering, do you have family members who choose not be apart of your family? I've got a couple of grandkids who live with their mothers and they have not been close at all. We've tried to communicate, but they don't recripricate. It's sad to me. I know every family have their problems and it's not unusual. Life is too short but on the other hand, there's not much you can do, really. Just wondering.

Thankful for the beautiful days. The folks in Europe have their problems with the cloud of volcano dust hanging over them. Can't imagine they respiratory distress they have to deal with - must be horrible.

Hope you are well and your day is going smoothly. God bless!